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Miscellaneous / Verschiedenes » alt.tv.simpsons » Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes
| Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284148] |
Mo, 12 Juni 2006 20:19 |
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DRUNKARDS SHALL NOT MARRY.
The government of the principality of Waldeck, in Germany,
have given public notice that no license to marry will
hereafter be granted to any individual who is addicted to
drunkenness, or, if having been so, he must exhibit full
proofs that he is no longer a slave to this vice. The
same government have also directed that in every report
made by the ecclesiastical, municipal, and police
authorities, upon petition for license to marry, the
reporter shall distinctly state whether either of the
parties desirous of entering matrimonial connection is
addicted to intemperance or otherwise.
I CAN'T HELP CRYING.
A little girl who was in the habit of attending a Sunday
school was the daughter of a notorious drunkard. She came
home from school one day, crying bitterly, when it
happened that her father was in rather better humor than
usual. He asked her what was the matter. She said:
"I don't like to tell you, father."
"Oh, yes," said he, "I will know."
She then said:
"The girls run after me, and call me a drunkard's
daughter, and I can't help crying."
It was too much for the father. He accompanied her to the
next temperance meeting, signed the pledge, and got drunk
no more. He now goes to work with a light heart and clear
head; and when Saturday night comes, he brings home his
wages to his family, instead of spending them at a public
house; and on the Sabbath, he is to be seen in the
sanctuary, and is, I trust, a sincere inquirer for the way
of salvation.
RATS AND CIDER.
A farmer, in a flourishing town in Massachusetts, filled a
hogshead with cider, leaving the bung-hole open so that the
oxygen of the air might produce vinous fermentation,
knowing that acetous fermentation following fast after
would supply him with a fine stock of vinegar. In the
spring, when he tapped the plethoric vessel for vinegar, he
was surprised to find that his cider was soft and sweet as
unintoxicating wine. He and his family, and his friends who
called upon him, had all the cider they needed all that
spring, and the following summer.
In the fall, when he was about to cleanse the hogshead for a
new supply of new cider, judge his astonishment, when he
made the discovery that half a bushel of bones, the
skeletons of rats, was in the bottom of the hogshead. The
flesh of the rats had been dissolved in the cider, and its
sweetness was due to that fact.
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284155 ] |
Mo, 12 Juni 2006 22:25 |
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"Walter Traprock" <wetraprock [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:wetraprock-C9F1E6.11192712062006 [at] comcast.dca.giganews.com...
> DRUNKARDS SHALL NOT MARRY.
>
<snipped the rest>
Apparently in the battle of Dr. Traprock vs. Mr. Troll, Mr. Troll is
winning.
-- R Flowers
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284157 ] |
Mo, 12 Juni 2006 22:59 |
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Dammit, Taprock, you make it sound like getting drunk on rat cider is a bad
thing!
Ya Taintgobblin...
"Walter Traprock" <wetraprock [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:wetraprock-C9F1E6.11192712062006 [at] comcast.dca.giganews.com...
> DRUNKARDS SHALL NOT MARRY.
>
> RATS AND CIDER.
>
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284160 ] |
Di, 13 Juni 2006 03:21 |
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>
> RATS AND CIDER.
>
> A farmer, in a flourishing town in Massachusetts, filled a
> hogshead with cider, leaving the bung-hole open so that the
> oxygen of the air might produce vinous fermentation,
> knowing that acetous fermentation following fast after
> would supply him with a fine stock of vinegar. In the
> spring, when he tapped the plethoric vessel for vinegar, he
> was surprised to find that his cider was soft and sweet as
> unintoxicating wine. He and his family, and his friends who
> called upon him, had all the cider they needed all that
> spring, and the following summer.
>
> In the fall, when he was about to cleanse the hogshead for a
> new supply of new cider, judge his astonishment, when he
> made the discovery that half a bushel of bones, the
> skeletons of rats, was in the bottom of the hogshead. The
> flesh of the rats had been dissolved in the cider, and its
> sweetness was due to that fact.
Sounds like one of Cotton Mather's sensational colonial tabloid tales.
According to Richard M. Dorson, in the Introduction to, "America
Begins," "...Cotton Mather seems tagged always as a church historian
and ivory tower sermonizer. Actually, Mather had an unerring sense for
the human interest story, and some of his yarns read like today's
newsstand shockers. If you want sex crimes, war and bloodshed, occult
mystery, passionate emotions, hair-raising adventure, [Mather] had them
all, told in burning words."
Vic
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284205 ] |
Mi, 14 Juni 2006 01:28 |
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On 12-Jun-2006, Walter Traprock <wetraprock [at] hotmail.com> wrote:
> In the fall, when he was about to cleanse the hogshead for a
> new supply of new cider, judge his astonishment, when he
> made the discovery that half a bushel of bones, the
> skeletons of rats, was in the bottom of the hogshead. The
> flesh of the rats had been dissolved in the cider, and its
> sweetness was due to that fact.
The best beer is the kind with the mouse in it. "Hmmmmm - mice"
It is not an urban myth - My Uncles best friends cousin's, sister in laws
neighbors best friend drank some and said it was "Grrrrreat!"
Of course, he IS a cartoon tiger, but that doesn't make it any less
believable!
G Wallace
--
The Source For Premium Newsgroup Access
Great Speed, Great Retention
1 GB/Day for only $8.95
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284206 ] |
Mi, 14 Juni 2006 01:31 |
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"vic arpeggio" <greengenes2000 [at] yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:1150161691.484944.273240 [at] f6g2000cwb.googlegroups.com...
>
> Sounds like one of Cotton Mather's sensational colonial tabloid tales.
>
Stop using big words and proper grammar over here in alt.tv.bnb, you
ruffian.
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284216 ] |
Mi, 14 Juni 2006 02:23 |
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"King Turd" <nads [at] itch.net> wrote:
> > Sounds like one of Cotton Mather's sensational colonial tabloid tales.
>
> Stop using big words and proper grammar over here in alt.tv.bnb, you
> ruffian.
I never heard of Cotton Mather. I took those temperance quotes
from a book by a man named Bungay. Heh, heh.
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284222 ] |
Mi, 14 Juni 2006 03:23 |
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On Tue, 13 Jun 2006 17:23:06 -0700, Walter Traprock
<wetraprock [at] hotmail.com> wrote:
>"King Turd" <nads [at] itch.net> wrote:
>
>> > Sounds like one of Cotton Mather's sensational colonial tabloid tales.
>>
>> Stop using big words and proper grammar over here in alt.tv.bnb, you
>> ruffian.
>
>I never heard of Cotton Mather. I took those temperance quotes
>from a book by a man named Bungay. Heh, heh.
Uh huh huh, you said "bung". And then you said "gay".
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284228 ] |
Mi, 14 Juni 2006 05:41 |
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Post removed (X-No-Archive: yes)
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284242 ] |
Mi, 14 Juni 2006 19:01 |
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Walter Traprock wrote:
> "King Turd" <nads [at] itch.net> wrote:
>
> > > Sounds like one of Cotton Mather's sensational colonial tabloid tales.
> >
> > Stop using big words and proper grammar over here in alt.tv.bnb, you
> > ruffian.
>
> I never heard of Cotton Mather. I took those temperance quotes
> from a book by a man named Bungay. Heh, heh.
You must be one of those ephebic types we've heard so much about.
Vic
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284248 ] |
Do, 15 Juni 2006 00:03 |
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Post removed (X-No-Archive: yes)
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284287 ] |
Fr, 16 Juni 2006 08:15 |
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CyberButt wrote:
> On Tue, 13 Jun 2006 17:23:06 -0700, Walter Traprock
> <wetraprock [at] hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>>"King Turd" <nads [at] itch.net> wrote:
>>
>>
>>>>Sounds like one of Cotton Mather's sensational colonial tabloid tales.
>>>
>>>Stop using big words and proper grammar over here in alt.tv.bnb, you
>>>ruffian.
>>
>>I never heard of Cotton Mather. I took those temperance quotes
>
>>from a book by a man named Bungay. Heh, heh.
>
> Uh huh huh, you said "bung". And then you said "gay".
I am Cornholio! I need tp for my bunghole.
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| Re: Some Queer Temperance Anecdotes [message #284319 ] |
Sa, 17 Juni 2006 13:06 |
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Abraham Simpson wrote:
>
> On Tue, 13 Jun 2006 23:41:58 -0400, frog baseball wrote:
>
> > In article <a6pu821kj1vrenho3jf0fp4ms7f796p91q [at] 4ax.com>, CyberButt
> > <cyber.but [at] highland.high.edu> wrote:
> >
> >> On Tue, 13 Jun 2006 17:23:06 -0700, Walter Traprock
> >> <wetraprock [at] hotmail.com> wrote:
> >>
> >> >"King Turd" <nads [at] itch.net> wrote:
> >> >
> >> >> > Sounds like one of Cotton Mather's sensational colonial tabloid
> >> >> > tales.
> >> >>
> >> >> Stop using big words and proper grammar over here in alt.tv.bnb, you
> >> >> ruffian.
> >> >
> >> >I never heard of Cotton Mather. I took those temperance quotes from a
> >> >book by a man named Bungay. Heh, heh.
> >>
> >> Uh huh huh, you said "bung". And then you said "gay".
> >
> >
> > Once again, this noozegroop is taking a disturbingly homer-sexual
> > slant.
> >
> Hey! My son is not a homer-sexual!
> > I don't understand why we can't get back to wholesome topics like
> > b00bs and stuff.
> >
> Do not forget explosions. And tacos. Lot of tacos.
> > For example, Argy ran into a hot chick, real or imagined, the other
> > day and at no time was there any talk of bungs.
> >
> Argy is still busy spanking his monkey. All his chicks have a name ending
> with .jpg .
Back off! I saw them first! emehheh
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