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Miscellaneous / Verschiedenes » alt.tv.simpsons » Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use
Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254839] Mi, 26 April 2006 17:10
Mist  
By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Josh Modell, Noel Murray, Nathan Rabin,
Tasha Robinson, Scott Tobias
April 26th, 2006

Beyond "D'oh!": Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use

By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Noel Murray, Josh Modell, Nathan Rabin,
and Tasha Robinson

Remember when The Simpsons first came on the air? Remember when "D'oh!" was
a weird, unnatural-sounding nonsense noise instead of a ubiquitous
expression of frustration, and "Don't have a cow, man," "Ay caramba," and
"Cowabunga, dude!" were the show's big catchphrases? If you don't, no sweat;
The A.V. Club barely does either. But a ridiculous number of other
catchphrases from the show have leaked into our cultural vocabularies and
our daily lives. Here are just a few Simpsons lines that The A.V. Club uses
in day-to-day parlance-and recommends for everyone else's daily use too.



Quote: "Ohhh. I've wasted my life."

Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VIII" (10/26/97)

Context on the show: While reading a comic and loudly lecturing Aquaman on
his romantic choices, the Comic Book Guy sees a missile bearing down on him
and comes to sad terms with his impending death.

Real-life uses: Useful at virtually any moment of self-realization or
self-awareness, unless you cured cancer today or something, big shot.



Quote: "Stupid TV! Be more funny!"

Episode: "Marge On The Lam" (11/5/93)

Context: While trying to understand why a studio audience is laughing
appreciatively at a dryly serious Garrison Keillor-like performer, Homer
pounds the family TV, trying to improve its humor reception.

Real-life uses: Whenever frustrated with any form of insufficient humor,
from your friends' lame jokes to, um, sub-par episodes of The Simpsons.



Quote: "Everything's coming up Milhouse!"

Episode: "Mom And Pop Art" (4/11/99)

Context: Milhouse utters these immortal words in joy when the rolled-up
cuffs of his "flood pants" keep his cuffs "bone-dry" after Homer floods
Springfield as an elaborate piece of conceptual art. Beat that, Christo!

Real-life uses: Useful for celebrating any lucky, unexpected sequence of
events, no matter how comically minor or insignificant. (Note: this phrase
need not be reserved solely for people actually named "Milhouse.")



Quote: "May all your disgraces be private!"

Episode: "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" (5/5/1994)

Context: Corrupt, distinctly Kennedy-esque Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby offers
his William Kennedy Smith-like nephew Freddie Quimby this self-serving toast
at a fancy birthday party.

Real-life uses: Can be applied to any scandal-prone wild child of privilege
whose obnoxious behavior threatens to hit the tabloids. It's especially
useful for the scions of powerful families with surnames like "Hilton,"
"Kennedy," "Bush," or "Trump." It can also be employed by Page Six
freelancers after successfully shaking down publicity-conscious billionaires
for hush money.



Quote: "I was saying 'Boo-urns.'"

Episode: "A Star Is Burns" (3/5/95)

Context: When the audience at the Springfield Film Festival boos Montgomery
Burns' entry, Smithers reassures his boss that the crowd is actually
chanting "Boo-urns." The audience then reiterates that no, they were
actually booing, though Hans Moleman mutters that in his case, at least,
Smithers was right.

Real-life uses: It can be an actual, gentler substitute for booing-complete
with exaggerated frowny-face-or, in keeping with the original spirit, it can
be a way to express that you aren't going along with the crowd.



Quote: "In another, more accurate way, Barney is the winner."

Episode: "Deep Space Homer" (2/24/94)

Context: After Homer and Barney compete for a spot on the space shuttle, the
scientist in charge of the project reassures them, "In a way, you're both
winners," then clarifies the point.

Real-life uses: Substitute any victorious team and/or person for "Barney,"
and you've got a smart-ass way to answer the question, "Hey, who won the
game last night?"

Quote: "Yes! 'Crisitunity!'"

Episode: "Fear Of Flying" (12/18/94)

Context: Homer's response when Lisa informs him that the Chinese use "the
same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity.'"

Real-life uses: As an irrationally exuberant response to any impending
crummy situation.



Quote: "Then get me his non-union, Mexican equivalent!"

Episode: "A Star Is Burns" (3/5/95)

Context: When Steven Spielberg isn't available to direct the
self-aggrandizing opus "A Burns For All Seasons," Mr. Burns demands the next
best thing. Enter Steven Spielbergo.

Real-life uses: Any time you have to settle for second best. For example,
virtually everyone turned down the male lead in Basic Instinct 2. Thus David
Morrissey becomes Michael Douglas' non-union, Mexican equivalent.



Quote: "Don't praise the machine."

Episode: "Bart Gets An Elephant" (3/31/94)

Context: Air-headed KBBL DJs Bill and Marty find their jobs in jeopardy when
their boss threatens to replace them with a machine, the DJ 3000. It can
play music automatically and has three varieties of "inane chatter," such as
"Hey, hey. How about that weather out there? Whoa! That was the caller from
hell. Well, hot dog! We have a wiener!" Bill chuckles "Man, that thing's
great!", but Marty chides him.

Real-life uses: Any time a person speaks positively about something that's a
potential threat, or simply not worthy of compliments.



Quote: "To start, press any key. Where's the ANY key?"

Episode: "King-Size Homer" (11/5/95)

Context: After gaining weight to get on financial disability, Homer finally
achieves his dream of working at home, but he's immediately stymied by a
computer prompt.

Real-life uses: Whenever you're betrayed by technology, especially over
something so simple that even a 4-year-old child could figure it out. This
could lead right into another classic quote, courtesy of Groucho Marx in
Duck Soup: "Run out and find me a 4-year-old child. I can't make head or
tail of it."

Quote: "Your dog's condition has been upgraded from stable to frisky."

Episode: "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One" (5/21/95)

Context: After a torrential gush from Mr. Burns' slanted oil well smashes
Bart's treehouse and hospitalizes his dog, the Simpsons have to take the pup
to the local veterinarian. Though it temporarily has a cone around its head,
the vet promises a full recovery.

Real-life uses: Good for when you or a loved one are recovering from any
minor injury or illness, and are ready for further punishment.

Quote: "I've said it before and I'll say it again: Democracy simply doesn't
work."

Episode: "Bart's Comet" (2/5/95)

Context: Newscaster Kent Brockman expresses his disgust after Congress
rejects a bill to save Springfield from a comet impact after one senator
attaches a $30 million rider "to support the perverted arts."

Real-life uses: Useable on a bipartisan basis by anyone disappointed or
irritated by the behavior of our elected officials. You'll never, ever run
out of reasons to use this quote.



Quote: "Have the Rolling Stones killed."

Episode: "Rosebud" (10/21/93)

Context: Already forlorn over his missing teddy bear Bobo, Mr. Burns suffers
further insult at a birthday bash, where the Ramones end their raucous
rendition of "Happy Birthday To You" with the send-off "Go to hell, you old
bastard." Burns orders Smithers to avenge this insult, but gets the band's
name wrong.

Real-life uses: Useful after witnessing a substandard performance by any
performer other than The Rolling Stones.



Quote: "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"

Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VII" (10/27/96)

Context: Alien Kang, masquerading as presidential candidate Bob Dole,
settles on this crowd-pleasing policy statement after bombing with his
previous attempts: "Abortions for all!" and "No abortions for anyone!"

Real-life uses: Sunday-morning political chat shows, campaign season, C-SPAN
congressional coverage, Rose Garden press conferences-whenever you see a
politician pandering, appealing to patriotism, or proposing a plan that
pleases everyone and fixes nothing.



Quote: "Aaaannnd heeerrre come the pretzels."

Episode: "The Twisted World Of Marge Simpson" (1/19/97)

Context: After her soft-pretzel operation has trouble getting off the
ground, Marge decides to kick-start the business by handing out free samples
at a baseball game. Unfortunately, this coincides with Mr. Burns winning a
rigged ticket lottery for a Pontiac Astrowagon, which draws the crowd's
wrath.

Real-life uses: Inflection counts on this one, so the quote only works if
you can manage at least a passable Vin Scully impersonation. Try it whenever
a public figure gets rebuked on a mass scale, like when Barry Bonds steps up
for an at-bat away from Pac Bell Park, or when Hester Prynne shows up with
that "A" stitched to her blouse.



Quote: "You shot who in the what now?"

Episode: "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two" (9/17/95)

Context: Spoken by Jasper (Grandpa Simpson's bearded buddy) to indicate he
hadn't noticed Smithers putting a bullet in Jasper's wooden leg.

Real-life uses: As a slick replacement for such stuffy phrases as "Excuse
me, I did not hear what you just said," or "Could you repeat that? I am
confused."



Quote: "Lousy Smarch weather."

Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VI" (10/30/95)

Context: Spoken by a chilly Homer, looking at misprinted 13-month calendars
purchased by Springfield Elementary.

Real-life uses: A fun way to bitch about the weather-particularly during an
unseasonably chilly Midwestern "spring," when every day feels like Smarch.



Quote: "Worst. Episode. Ever."

Episode: "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show" (2/9/97)

Context: The Comic Book Guy emphatically dismisses the latest episode of
Itchy & Scratchy, in a pointed parody of the way Simpsons viewers typically
reacted to each and every new episode in Internet forums at the time.

Real-life uses: Replace "episode" with any noun or phrase. (Let's just say
it for you and save you some time. "Worst A.V. Club featurette ever!") Then
pile on the Comic Book Guy's smug superiority, and you've got an instant
dismissal of anything and everything, or an ironic mockery of such
dismissal. Possibly both at once. And it even works when reversed! Best!
Quote! Ever
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254841 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 17:44
evilsideshowbobSPAM  
"Cr [at] nky B [at] stard" <Mist [at] rCr</a<a href="mailto:> [at] nky" target="_blank">> [at] nky</a<a href="mailto:> [at] gmail.com" target="_blank">> [at] gmail.com>, sometimes I doubt your
commitment to Sparkle Motion!

>Quote: "I was saying 'Boo-urns.'"
>Quote: "In another, more accurate way, Barney is the winner."
>Quote: "Then get me his non-union, Mexican equivalent!"
>Quote: "Don't praise the machine."
>Quote: "I've said it before and I'll say it again: Democracy simply doesn't
>work."
>Quote: "You shot who in the what now?"
>Quote: "Worst. Episode. Ever."

I've used all of these...

ESB
and of course, "Meh."



--

Randall Flagg: Pleased to meet you, Lloyd. Hope you guessed my name.
Lloyd Henreid: Huh?
Randall Flagg: Oh. Nothing. Just a little classical reference.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254842 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 17:48
Scott269  
Evil Sideshow Bob, RSPW Dilettante wrote:
> and of course, "Meh."
>

Snuh?
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254844 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 19:18
HitMan333  
In rec.sport.pro-wrestling Cr [at] nky B [at] stard <Mist [at] rCr</a<a href="mailto:> [at] nky" target="_blank">> [at] nky</a<a href="mailto:> [at] gmail.com" target="_blank">> [at] gmail.com> wrote:

> Quote: "Ohhh. I've wasted my life."
> Quote: "To start, press any key. Where's the ANY key?"
> Quote: "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"

Have used these occasionally.

> Quote: "I was saying Boourns."
> Quote: "Lousy Smarch weather."

Semi-frequently.

> Quote: "You shot who in the what now?"

Fairly frequently.

> Quote: "Worst. Episode. Ever."

Like... all the time.

I can't believe "meh" wasn't in this, though.

HitMan333
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254845 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 19:28
aaronhirshberg  
The original posting went from sanguine to bilious pretty quickly, if
you ask me.

Aaron Space Museum
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254848 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 19:39
Freezer  
I, for one, welcome our new Simpsons-quoting overlords.



--
My name is:
____ _
/ ___| | |
| |__ _ __ ___ ___ ____ ___ _ __ | |
| __|| '__/ _ \/ _ \/_ // _ \| '__|| |
| | | | __/ __/ / /| __/| | |_|
|_| |_| \___|\___||___|\___||_| (_)
And my anti-drug is porn.
2006 RSPW March Melee Champion
http://www.geocities.com/mysterysciencefreezer
http://freezer818.livejournal.com/
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254850 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 20:03
jslater  
I use "Stupid TV, be more funny!" regularly. I've also been judging
student moot court rounds, and have been tempted to use the, "but in
more real way, ___ is the winner" line. I've also worked in "release
the hounds"; "the fax machine is just a telephone with a waffle iron
attached"; Grampa Simpsons "I used to be with it ..." bit, "I'll miss
you, Pumpkins ..." and others.

Lately, I've been saying to my 2-year old, "Why you little ...!" in
full Homer Simpson mode when we're chasing each other (note to child
protective services: no actual choking takes place). The other day,
unprompted, he responded "Why you big ...!"--Joe (n.j.) [mWo]
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254851 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 20:05
Freezer  
If I don't reply to this post, the terrorists win.

> Lately, I've been saying to my 2-year old, "Why you little ...!" in
> full Homer Simpson mode when we're chasing each other (note to child
> protective services: no actual choking takes place). The other day,
> unprompted, he responded "Why you big ...!"--Joe (n.j.) [mWo]

Sounds like a real "Proud Papa" moment.

--
My name is:
____ _
/ ___| | |
| |__ _ __ ___ ___ ____ ___ _ __ | |
| __|| '__/ _ \/ _ \/_ // _ \| '__|| |
| | | | __/ __/ / /| __/| | |_|
|_| |_| \___|\___||___|\___||_| (_)
And my anti-drug is porn.
2006 RSPW March Melee Champion
http://www.geocities.com/mysterysciencefreezer
http://freezer818.livejournal.com/
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254853 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 20:46
James Dulaney  
The list left out the quote I use all the time, from Homer the Heretic,
"Everybody's stupid except me!"

I say "Moe is their leader", also from that episode, a lot too.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254859 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 21:20
aaronhirshberg  
"In the future, everyone will be shot." - Moe
"I didn't say it would be great to have two wives. I said it would be
great to have two knives." - Moe
I have used "great merciful crap", and "we are wallowing in our own
crapulence" once or twice.
And, as I mentioned above, "gone from sanguine to bilious" is something
people say all the time.

Aaron Space Museum
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254861 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 22:32
Hhoganrules  
Im surprised no one has used the Costingtons Clerk/Waiter/Stroke guy's
qoute
"No,No,No,YEEEEEEEES.

Or Homer's "How come white guys have names like Lenny, while black guys
have names like Carl?"

Or have you ever referred to any program with salty language as being
"A little WB?"
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254862 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 22:40
jslater  
Freezer wrote:
> If I don't reply to this post, the terrorists win.
>
> > Lately, I've been saying to my 2-year old, "Why you little ...!" in
> > full Homer Simpson mode when we're chasing each other (note to child
> > protective services: no actual choking takes place). The other day,
> > unprompted, he responded "Why you big ...!"--Joe (n.j.) [mWo]
>
> Sounds like a real "Proud Papa" moment.
>
> --
> My name is:
> ____ _
> / ___| | |
> | |__ _ __ ___ ___ ____ ___ _ __ | |
> | __|| '__/ _ \/ _ \/_ // _ \| '__|| |
> | | | | __/ __/ / /| __/| | |_|
> |_| |_| \___|\___||___|\___||_| (_)
> And my anti-drug is porn.
> 2006 RSPW March Melee Champion
> http://www.geocities.com/mysterysciencefreezer
> http://freezer818.livejournal.com/

Right up there with when he picks up my old Randy Savage finger puppet
and says "Macho Man! Oh Yeahhh!"--Joe (n.j.) [mWo]
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254864 ] Mi, 26 April 2006 23:23
profjohnfrink  
Whenever there is some sleazy, disgusting or horrifying crime reported
on the TV news I can't help but mumble the words "mmm classy" to myself
with the exact emphasis given by Jack Larson from Laramie when he shows
off a variety of tasteless Laramie print-ads.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254868 ] Do, 27 April 2006 01:02
Milhouse Guidry of th[2]  
I like to answer the phone with "Hello, chief - let's talk, why not!"

--
Milhouse Guidry of the mWo
With all the style and finesse of a purchase of armaments.
King of alt.pro-wrestling.dx

mWo. It's not just the coolest, it's fa lyfe, so survey says
whether you like it or don't like it, never E-e-e-ver tell
me he did *not* just SMELL what mWo 3:16 reeks of.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254869 ] Do, 27 April 2006 01:02
Milhouse Guidry of th[2]  
profjohnfrink [at] hotmail.com wrote:
> Whenever there is some sleazy, disgusting or horrifying crime reported
> on the TV news I can't help but mumble the words "mmm classy" to myself
> with the exact emphasis given by Jack Larson from Laramie when he shows
> off a variety of tasteless Laramie print-ads.

IAWTP.


--
Milhouse Guidry of the mWo
With all the style and finesse of a purchase of armaments.
King of alt.pro-wrestling.dx

mWo. It's not just the coolest, it's fa lyfe, so survey says
whether you like it or don't like it, never E-e-e-ver tell
me he did *not* just SMELL what mWo 3:16 reeks of.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254871 ] Do, 27 April 2006 01:17
mclemore63  
Cr [at] nky B [at] stard wrote:
> By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Josh Modell, Noel Murray, Nathan Rabin,
> Tasha Robinson, Scott Tobias
> April 26th, 2006
>
> Beyond "D'oh!": Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use
>
> By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Noel Murray, Josh Modell, Nathan Rabin,
> and Tasha Robinson
>
> Remember when The Simpsons first came on the air? Remember when "D'oh!" was
> a weird, unnatural-sounding nonsense noise instead of a ubiquitous
> expression of frustration, and "Don't have a cow, man," "Ay caramba," and
> "Cowabunga, dude!" were the show's big catchphrases? If you don't, no sweat;
> The A.V. Club barely does either. But a ridiculous number of other
> catchphrases from the show have leaked into our cultural vocabularies and
> our daily lives. Here are just a few Simpsons lines that The A.V. Club uses
> in day-to-day parlance-and recommends for everyone else's daily use too.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Ohhh. I've wasted my life."
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VIII" (10/26/97)
>
> Context on the show: While reading a comic and loudly lecturing Aquaman on
> his romantic choices, the Comic Book Guy sees a missile bearing down on him
> and comes to sad terms with his impending death.
>
> Real-life uses: Useful at virtually any moment of self-realization or
> self-awareness, unless you cured cancer today or something, big shot.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Stupid TV! Be more funny!"
>
> Episode: "Marge On The Lam" (11/5/93)
>
> Context: While trying to understand why a studio audience is laughing
> appreciatively at a dryly serious Garrison Keillor-like performer, Homer
> pounds the family TV, trying to improve its humor reception.
>
> Real-life uses: Whenever frustrated with any form of insufficient humor,
> from your friends' lame jokes to, um, sub-par episodes of The Simpsons.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Everything's coming up Milhouse!"
>
> Episode: "Mom And Pop Art" (4/11/99)
>
> Context: Milhouse utters these immortal words in joy when the rolled-up
> cuffs of his "flood pants" keep his cuffs "bone-dry" after Homer floods
> Springfield as an elaborate piece of conceptual art. Beat that, Christo!
>
> Real-life uses: Useful for celebrating any lucky, unexpected sequence of
> events, no matter how comically minor or insignificant. (Note: this phrase
> need not be reserved solely for people actually named "Milhouse.")
>
>
>
> Quote: "May all your disgraces be private!"
>
> Episode: "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" (5/5/1994)
>
> Context: Corrupt, distinctly Kennedy-esque Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby offers
> his William Kennedy Smith-like nephew Freddie Quimby this self-serving toast
> at a fancy birthday party.
>
> Real-life uses: Can be applied to any scandal-prone wild child of privilege
> whose obnoxious behavior threatens to hit the tabloids. It's especially
> useful for the scions of powerful families with surnames like "Hilton,"
> "Kennedy," "Bush," or "Trump." It can also be employed by Page Six
> freelancers after successfully shaking down publicity-conscious billionaires
> for hush money.
>
>
>
> Quote: "I was saying 'Boo-urns.'"
>
> Episode: "A Star Is Burns" (3/5/95)
>
> Context: When the audience at the Springfield Film Festival boos Montgomery
> Burns' entry, Smithers reassures his boss that the crowd is actually
> chanting "Boo-urns." The audience then reiterates that no, they were
> actually booing, though Hans Moleman mutters that in his case, at least,
> Smithers was right.
>
> Real-life uses: It can be an actual, gentler substitute for booing-complete
> with exaggerated frowny-face-or, in keeping with the original spirit, it can
> be a way to express that you aren't going along with the crowd.
>
>
>
> Quote: "In another, more accurate way, Barney is the winner."
>
> Episode: "Deep Space Homer" (2/24/94)
>
> Context: After Homer and Barney compete for a spot on the space shuttle, the
> scientist in charge of the project reassures them, "In a way, you're both
> winners," then clarifies the point.
>
> Real-life uses: Substitute any victorious team and/or person for "Barney,"
> and you've got a smart-ass way to answer the question, "Hey, who won the
> game last night?"
>
> Quote: "Yes! 'Crisitunity!'"
>
> Episode: "Fear Of Flying" (12/18/94)
>
> Context: Homer's response when Lisa informs him that the Chinese use "the
> same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity.'"
>
> Real-life uses: As an irrationally exuberant response to any impending
> crummy situation.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Then get me his non-union, Mexican equivalent!"
>
> Episode: "A Star Is Burns" (3/5/95)
>
> Context: When Steven Spielberg isn't available to direct the
> self-aggrandizing opus "A Burns For All Seasons," Mr. Burns demands the next
> best thing. Enter Steven Spielbergo.
>
> Real-life uses: Any time you have to settle for second best. For example,
> virtually everyone turned down the male lead in Basic Instinct 2. Thus David
> Morrissey becomes Michael Douglas' non-union, Mexican equivalent.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Don't praise the machine."
>
> Episode: "Bart Gets An Elephant" (3/31/94)
>
> Context: Air-headed KBBL DJs Bill and Marty find their jobs in jeopardy when
> their boss threatens to replace them with a machine, the DJ 3000. It can
> play music automatically and has three varieties of "inane chatter," such as
> "Hey, hey. How about that weather out there? Whoa! That was the caller from
> hell. Well, hot dog! We have a wiener!" Bill chuckles "Man, that thing's
> great!", but Marty chides him.
>
> Real-life uses: Any time a person speaks positively about something that's a
> potential threat, or simply not worthy of compliments.
>
>
>
> Quote: "To start, press any key. Where's the ANY key?"
>
> Episode: "King-Size Homer" (11/5/95)
>
> Context: After gaining weight to get on financial disability, Homer finally
> achieves his dream of working at home, but he's immediately stymied by a
> computer prompt.
>
> Real-life uses: Whenever you're betrayed by technology, especially over
> something so simple that even a 4-year-old child could figure it out. This
> could lead right into another classic quote, courtesy of Groucho Marx in
> Duck Soup: "Run out and find me a 4-year-old child. I can't make head or
> tail of it."
>
> Quote: "Your dog's condition has been upgraded from stable to frisky."
>
> Episode: "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One" (5/21/95)
>
> Context: After a torrential gush from Mr. Burns' slanted oil well smashes
> Bart's treehouse and hospitalizes his dog, the Simpsons have to take the pup
> to the local veterinarian. Though it temporarily has a cone around its head,
> the vet promises a full recovery.
>
> Real-life uses: Good for when you or a loved one are recovering from any
> minor injury or illness, and are ready for further punishment.
>
> Quote: "I've said it before and I'll say it again: Democracy simply doesn't
> work."
>
> Episode: "Bart's Comet" (2/5/95)
>
> Context: Newscaster Kent Brockman expresses his disgust after Congress
> rejects a bill to save Springfield from a comet impact after one senator
> attaches a $30 million rider "to support the perverted arts."
>
> Real-life uses: Useable on a bipartisan basis by anyone disappointed or
> irritated by the behavior of our elected officials. You'll never, ever run
> out of reasons to use this quote.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Have the Rolling Stones killed."
>
> Episode: "Rosebud" (10/21/93)
>
> Context: Already forlorn over his missing teddy bear Bobo, Mr. Burns suffers
> further insult at a birthday bash, where the Ramones end their raucous
> rendition of "Happy Birthday To You" with the send-off "Go to hell, you old
> bastard." Burns orders Smithers to avenge this insult, but gets the band's
> name wrong.
>
> Real-life uses: Useful after witnessing a substandard performance by any
> performer other than The Rolling Stones.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VII" (10/27/96)
>
> Context: Alien Kang, masquerading as presidential candidate Bob Dole,
> settles on this crowd-pleasing policy statement after bombing with his
> previous attempts: "Abortions for all!" and "No abortions for anyone!"
>
> Real-life uses: Sunday-morning political chat shows, campaign season, C-SPAN
> congressional coverage, Rose Garden press conferences-whenever you see a
> politician pandering, appealing to patriotism, or proposing a plan that
> pleases everyone and fixes nothing.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Aaaannnd heeerrre come the pretzels."
>
> Episode: "The Twisted World Of Marge Simpson" (1/19/97)
>
> Context: After her soft-pretzel operation has trouble getting off the
> ground, Marge decides to kick-start the business by handing out free samples
> at a baseball game. Unfortunately, this coincides with Mr. Burns winning a
> rigged ticket lottery for a Pontiac Astrowagon, which draws the crowd's
> wrath.
>
> Real-life uses: Inflection counts on this one, so the quote only works if
> you can manage at least a passable Vin Scully impersonation. Try it whenever
> a public figure gets rebuked on a mass scale, like when Barry Bonds steps up
> for an at-bat away from Pac Bell Park, or when Hester Prynne shows up with
> that "A" stitched to her blouse.
>
>
>
> Quote: "You shot who in the what now?"
>
> Episode: "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two" (9/17/95)
>
> Context: Spoken by Jasper (Grandpa Simpson's bearded buddy) to indicate he
> hadn't noticed Smithers putting a bullet in Jasper's wooden leg.
>
> Real-life uses: As a slick replacement for such stuffy phrases as "Excuse
> me, I did not hear what you just said," or "Could you repeat that? I am
> confused."
>
>
>
> Quote: "Lousy Smarch weather."
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VI" (10/30/95)
>
> Context: Spoken by a chilly Homer, looking at misprinted 13-month calendars
> purchased by Springfield Elementary.
>
> Real-life uses: A fun way to bitch about the weather-particularly during an
> unseasonably chilly Midwestern "spring," when every day feels like Smarch.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Worst. Episode. Ever."
>
> Episode: "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show" (2/9/97)
>
> Context: The Comic Book Guy emphatically dismisses the latest episode of
> Itchy & Scratchy, in a pointed parody of the way Simpsons viewers typically
> reacted to each and every new episode in Internet forums at the time.
>
> Real-life uses: Replace "episode" with any noun or phrase. (Let's just say
> it for you and save you some time. "Worst A.V. Club featurette ever!") Then
> pile on the Comic Book Guy's smug superiority, and you've got an instant
> dismissal of anything and everything, or an ironic mockery of such
> dismissal. Possibly both at once. And it even works when reversed! Best!
> Quote! Ever




I like to use the phrase "Krusty Brand" to describe any cheap and
shoddy product.


Travis D. McLemore,Jr.
Charlotte (formerly Hitler City),NC
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254873 ] Do, 27 April 2006 01:42
the Bede  
I have used these on RSPW:

> "D'oh!"
> "Don't have a cow, man,"
> "Ohhh[,] I've wasted my life."
> "Everything's coming up Milhouse!"
> "I was saying 'Boo-urns.'"
> "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"
> "Worst. Episode. Ever."
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254874 ] Do, 27 April 2006 01:49
Peck  
my two all time favorite simpsons quotes:

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is,
never try."

"They're always eating candy in Shelbyville...they love the sweet
taste."
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254880 ] Do, 27 April 2006 03:27
Don Del Grande  
Cr [at] nky B [at] stard wrote:

>Beyond "D'oh!": Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use
>
>By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Noel Murray, Josh Modell, Nathan Rabin,
>and Tasha Robinson
>
>Remember when The Simpsons first came on the air? Remember when "D'oh!" was
>a weird, unnatural-sounding nonsense noise instead of a ubiquitous
>expression of frustration, and "Don't have a cow, man," "Ay caramba," and
>"Cowabunga, dude!" were the show's big catchphrases? If you don't, no sweat;
>The A.V. Club barely does either. But a ridiculous number of other
>catchphrases from the show have leaked into our cultural vocabularies and
>our daily lives. Here are just a few Simpsons lines that The A.V. Club uses
>in day-to-day parlance-and recommends for everyone else's daily use too.
>
>Quote: "To start, press any key. Where's the ANY key?"

This one was widespread long before Homer said it.

Actually, the one I've noticed being used (or at least variations of
it) the most is:
"I for one welcome our new insect overlords" (from Deep Space Homer).

-- Don
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254889 ] Do, 27 April 2006 05:15
chris.lansdell  
, the short answer to your post to rec.sport.pro-wrestling on Wed 26 Apr
2006 03:33:12p is 42. The long answer is

> I use "Stupid TV, be more funny!" regularly. I've also been judging
> student moot court rounds,

MOOT COURTS! I remember those. My finest moment at university came in moot
court. Well, finest academic moment.


--
"The Lansdellicious One" Chris Lansdell
Founder of the Nation of Salivation
" Ow, your pointy words hurt me!!! Its ok, though. I'll just call out the
Fluffy Bunny Marines and the 2nd Infantry Unit of Lint Balls to kick your
ass." - DJ, to Perkoff.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254891 ] Do, 27 April 2006 07:29
The Ghost of General  
On Wed, 26 Apr 2006 10:10:46 -0500, "Cr [at] nky B [at] stard"
<Mist [at] rCr</a<a href="mailto:> [at] nky" target="_blank">> [at] nky</a<a href="mailto:> [at] gmail.com" target="_blank">> [at] gmail.com> wrote:

>Quote: "To start, press any key. Where's the ANY key?"

Bah! I was getting asked that question from new customers when I was
doing software support back in the early-mid 80's.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254893 ] Do, 27 April 2006 08:21
trippy  
In article <124v3bo5htnvu40 [at] news.supernews.com>, Cr [at] nky B [at] stard took the
hamburger, threw it on the grill, and I said "Oh wow"...

> By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Josh Modell, Noel Murray, Nathan Rabin,
> Tasha Robinson, Scott Tobias
> April 26th, 2006
>
> Beyond "D'oh!": Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use
>
> By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Noel Murray, Josh Modell, Nathan Rabin,
> and Tasha Robinson
>
> Remember when The Simpsons first came on the air? Remember when "D'oh!" was
> a weird, unnatural-sounding nonsense noise instead of a ubiquitous
> expression of frustration, and "Don't have a cow, man," "Ay caramba," and
> "Cowabunga, dude!" were the show's big catchphrases? If you don't, no sweat;
> The A.V. Club barely does either. But a ridiculous number of other
> catchphrases from the show have leaked into our cultural vocabularies and
> our daily lives. Here are just a few Simpsons lines that The A.V. Club uses
> in day-to-day parlance-and recommends for everyone else's daily use too.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Ohhh. I've wasted my life."
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VIII" (10/26/97)
>
> Context on the show: While reading a comic and loudly lecturing Aquaman on
> his romantic choices, the Comic Book Guy sees a missile bearing down on him
> and comes to sad terms with his impending death.
>
> Real-life uses: Useful at virtually any moment of self-realization or
> self-awareness, unless you cured cancer today or something, big shot.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Stupid TV! Be more funny!"
>
> Episode: "Marge On The Lam" (11/5/93)
>
> Context: While trying to understand why a studio audience is laughing
> appreciatively at a dryly serious Garrison Keillor-like performer, Homer
> pounds the family TV, trying to improve its humor reception.
>
> Real-life uses: Whenever frustrated with any form of insufficient humor,
> from your friends' lame jokes to, um, sub-par episodes of The Simpsons.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Everything's coming up Milhouse!"
>
> Episode: "Mom And Pop Art" (4/11/99)
>
> Context: Milhouse utters these immortal words in joy when the rolled-up
> cuffs of his "flood pants" keep his cuffs "bone-dry" after Homer floods
> Springfield as an elaborate piece of conceptual art. Beat that, Christo!
>
> Real-life uses: Useful for celebrating any lucky, unexpected sequence of
> events, no matter how comically minor or insignificant. (Note: this phrase
> need not be reserved solely for people actually named "Milhouse.")
>
>
>
> Quote: "May all your disgraces be private!"
>
> Episode: "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" (5/5/1994)
>
> Context: Corrupt, distinctly Kennedy-esque Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby offers
> his William Kennedy Smith-like nephew Freddie Quimby this self-serving toast
> at a fancy birthday party.
>
> Real-life uses: Can be applied to any scandal-prone wild child of privilege
> whose obnoxious behavior threatens to hit the tabloids. It's especially
> useful for the scions of powerful families with surnames like "Hilton,"
> "Kennedy," "Bush," or "Trump." It can also be employed by Page Six
> freelancers after successfully shaking down publicity-conscious billionaires
> for hush money.
>
>
>
> Quote: "I was saying 'Boo-urns.'"
>
> Episode: "A Star Is Burns" (3/5/95)
>
> Context: When the audience at the Springfield Film Festival boos Montgomery
> Burns' entry, Smithers reassures his boss that the crowd is actually
> chanting "Boo-urns." The audience then reiterates that no, they were
> actually booing, though Hans Moleman mutters that in his case, at least,
> Smithers was right.
>
> Real-life uses: It can be an actual, gentler substitute for booing-complete
> with exaggerated frowny-face-or, in keeping with the original spirit, it can
> be a way to express that you aren't going along with the crowd.
>
>
>
> Quote: "In another, more accurate way, Barney is the winner."
>
> Episode: "Deep Space Homer" (2/24/94)
>
> Context: After Homer and Barney compete for a spot on the space shuttle, the
> scientist in charge of the project reassures them, "In a way, you're both
> winners," then clarifies the point.
>
> Real-life uses: Substitute any victorious team and/or person for "Barney,"
> and you've got a smart-ass way to answer the question, "Hey, who won the
> game last night?"
>
> Quote: "Yes! 'Crisitunity!'"
>
> Episode: "Fear Of Flying" (12/18/94)
>
> Context: Homer's response when Lisa informs him that the Chinese use "the
> same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity.'"
>
> Real-life uses: As an irrationally exuberant response to any impending
> crummy situation.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Then get me his non-union, Mexican equivalent!"
>
> Episode: "A Star Is Burns" (3/5/95)
>
> Context: When Steven Spielberg isn't available to direct the
> self-aggrandizing opus "A Burns For All Seasons," Mr. Burns demands the next
> best thing. Enter Steven Spielbergo.
>
> Real-life uses: Any time you have to settle for second best. For example,
> virtually everyone turned down the male lead in Basic Instinct 2. Thus David
> Morrissey becomes Michael Douglas' non-union, Mexican equivalent.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Don't praise the machine."
>
> Episode: "Bart Gets An Elephant" (3/31/94)
>
> Context: Air-headed KBBL DJs Bill and Marty find their jobs in jeopardy when
> their boss threatens to replace them with a machine, the DJ 3000. It can
> play music automatically and has three varieties of "inane chatter," such as
> "Hey, hey. How about that weather out there? Whoa! That was the caller from
> hell. Well, hot dog! We have a wiener!" Bill chuckles "Man, that thing's
> great!", but Marty chides him.
>
> Real-life uses: Any time a person speaks positively about something that's a
> potential threat, or simply not worthy of compliments.
>
>
>
> Quote: "To start, press any key. Where's the ANY key?"
>
> Episode: "King-Size Homer" (11/5/95)
>
> Context: After gaining weight to get on financial disability, Homer finally
> achieves his dream of working at home, but he's immediately stymied by a
> computer prompt.
>
> Real-life uses: Whenever you're betrayed by technology, especially over
> something so simple that even a 4-year-old child could figure it out. This
> could lead right into another classic quote, courtesy of Groucho Marx in
> Duck Soup: "Run out and find me a 4-year-old child. I can't make head or
> tail of it."
>
> Quote: "Your dog's condition has been upgraded from stable to frisky."
>
> Episode: "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One" (5/21/95)
>
> Context: After a torrential gush from Mr. Burns' slanted oil well smashes
> Bart's treehouse and hospitalizes his dog, the Simpsons have to take the pup
> to the local veterinarian. Though it temporarily has a cone around its head,
> the vet promises a full recovery.
>
> Real-life uses: Good for when you or a loved one are recovering from any
> minor injury or illness, and are ready for further punishment.
>
> Quote: "I've said it before and I'll say it again: Democracy simply doesn't
> work."
>
> Episode: "Bart's Comet" (2/5/95)
>
> Context: Newscaster Kent Brockman expresses his disgust after Congress
> rejects a bill to save Springfield from a comet impact after one senator
> attaches a $30 million rider "to support the perverted arts."
>
> Real-life uses: Useable on a bipartisan basis by anyone disappointed or
> irritated by the behavior of our elected officials. You'll never, ever run
> out of reasons to use this quote.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Have the Rolling Stones killed."
>
> Episode: "Rosebud" (10/21/93)
>
> Context: Already forlorn over his missing teddy bear Bobo, Mr. Burns suffers
> further insult at a birthday bash, where the Ramones end their raucous
> rendition of "Happy Birthday To You" with the send-off "Go to hell, you old
> bastard." Burns orders Smithers to avenge this insult, but gets the band's
> name wrong.
>
> Real-life uses: Useful after witnessing a substandard performance by any
> performer other than The Rolling Stones.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VII" (10/27/96)
>
> Context: Alien Kang, masquerading as presidential candidate Bob Dole,
> settles on this crowd-pleasing policy statement after bombing with his
> previous attempts: "Abortions for all!" and "No abortions for anyone!"
>
> Real-life uses: Sunday-morning political chat shows, campaign season, C-SPAN
> congressional coverage, Rose Garden press conferences-whenever you see a
> politician pandering, appealing to patriotism, or proposing a plan that
> pleases everyone and fixes nothing.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Aaaannnd heeerrre come the pretzels."
>
> Episode: "The Twisted World Of Marge Simpson" (1/19/97)
>
> Context: After her soft-pretzel operation has trouble getting off the
> ground, Marge decides to kick-start the business by handing out free samples
> at a baseball game. Unfortunately, this coincides with Mr. Burns winning a
> rigged ticket lottery for a Pontiac Astrowagon, which draws the crowd's
> wrath.
>
> Real-life uses: Inflection counts on this one, so the quote only works if
> you can manage at least a passable Vin Scully impersonation. Try it whenever
> a public figure gets rebuked on a mass scale, like when Barry Bonds steps up
> for an at-bat away from Pac Bell Park, or when Hester Prynne shows up with
> that "A" stitched to her blouse.
>
>
>
> Quote: "You shot who in the what now?"
>
> Episode: "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two" (9/17/95)
>
> Context: Spoken by Jasper (Grandpa Simpson's bearded buddy) to indicate he
> hadn't noticed Smithers putting a bullet in Jasper's wooden leg.
>
> Real-life uses: As a slick replacement for such stuffy phrases as "Excuse
> me, I did not hear what you just said," or "Could you repeat that? I am
> confused."
>
>
>
> Quote: "Lousy Smarch weather."
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VI" (10/30/95)
>
> Context: Spoken by a chilly Homer, looking at misprinted 13-month calendars
> purchased by Springfield Elementary.
>
> Real-life uses: A fun way to bitch about the weather-particularly during an
> unseasonably chilly Midwestern "spring," when every day feels like Smarch.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Worst. Episode. Ever."

You've seen me post. I can't lie.

:(

We must crush the rebellion before the rainy season.

--
trippy
mhm31x9 Smeeter#29 WSD#30
sTaRShInE_mOOnBeAm aT HoTmAil dOt CoM

NP: "Damn" -- Matchbox 20

"Now, technology's getting better all the time and that's fine,
but most of the time all you need is a stick of gum, a pocketknife,
and a smile."

-- Robert Redford "Spy Game"
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254897 ] Do, 27 April 2006 08:53
Xino Kiner  
> Remember when "D'oh!" was
> a weird, unnatural-sounding nonsense noise instead
> of a ubiquitous expression of frustration,

Ehh, I'm not so sure about D'oh. Here's a little true story: two
weekends ago I was riding my bicycle on the sidewalk and these two STUPID
kids were crossing in front of me, about twelve years old, also on bicycles.
One of them stopped right in front of me. I was still moving fast enough
that I had to hit my brakes to avoid running him over. I endoed. The
accident was entirely his fault. Right before I hit the pavement I screamed
"D'oh!!!" exceedingly loudly. After a minute or so later, when it was
determined that I was okay and other such pleasantries as prescribed by
common decency were exchanged, I left the scene. As I was leaving, I
overheard the two boys, their conversation was such as:

"Did you hear what he said?"

"Something like D'oh"

"That was weird. I would have said shit or fuck"

XINO
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254909 ] Do, 27 April 2006 15:39
aaronhirshberg  
100% best phone answering message for lucky best person!

Aaron Space Museum
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254910 ] Do, 27 April 2006 15:41
aaronhirshberg  
Either way your planet is DOOMED! DOOMED!!!

Aaron Space Museum
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254914 ] Do, 27 April 2006 17:17
Usaac Cox  
> I was riding my bicycle on the sidewalk


NEVER do this. It is illegal.and inconsiderate.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254915 ] Do, 27 April 2006 17:29
R Flowers  
"Usaac Cox" <falseman [at] nnowhere.net> wrote in message
news:Qf54g.3312$Nk3.2841 [at] tornado.socal.rr.com...
>
>> I was riding my bicycle on the sidewalk
>
>
> NEVER do this. It is illegal.and inconsiderate.
>

So true. I always have trouble getting my car up over the curb. They're much
easier targets on the street.

-- R Flowers
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254917 ] Do, 27 April 2006 18:58
Jerry Sauk  
> > I was riding my bicycle on the sidewalk
>
>
> NEVER do this.

Ehhh, no.

> It is illegal.

Yeah but it's a stupid rule, just like all the skateboard rules. They
exist only so that adults can pick on kids for no reason. They were
probably made up by fat people who have never been on a bicycle or a
sidewalk in over twenty years. You know that the cops are playing with the
boards like ten minutes later down at the station

>and inconsiderate.

No it isn't. When, Mr. Cox, was the last time that you had a specific
problem yourself with a bicycle on a sidewalk? Seems to me that they are
much more of a nuisance when they are in the middle of the street. Streets:
full of cars. Sidewalks: deserted. Stupid rule.

XINO
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254937 ] Fr, 28 April 2006 17:48
Usaac Cox  
"Jerry Sauk" > .
>
> No it isn't. When, Mr. Cox, was the last time that you had a specific
> problem yourself with a bicycle on a sidewalk?>

Daily (I live in the suburbs and like to walk alot) -- and your post showed
how dangerous it is.

> XINO
>
BTW -- isn't Jerry Sauk the gorf that tried to absquatulate with this NG
about a year ago? Said it should be moderated.; then volunterred?
Answered _every_ post?
Must be aa coincidendence or my memory is playing me false.

UC
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254947 ] Fr, 28 April 2006 20:03
Jerry Sauk  
> Daily (I live in the suburbs and like to walk alot) -- and your post
showed
> how dangerous it is.

Alright then perhaps you could be a good sport and share today's
experience for us, exact time, place, basic description of the bike rider
etc

Also the original post didn't have a problem with a pedestrian, it was other
biker's.
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #254964 ] Sa, 29 April 2006 02:34
Funky  
aaronhirshberg [at] yahoo.com wrote:
> Either way your planet is DOOMED! DOOMED!!!
>
> Aaron Space Museum
>
That sounds more like an Invader Zim quote
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use... Darren Hayes Rocks [message #255036 ] So, 30 April 2006 09:39
Gymdandy  
You have the Simpsons's permission to use this quote.

It was actually cut from the scene because Mr Hayes is so modest
Re: Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use [message #271348 ] Fr, 19 Mai 2006 13:10
Mutts  
I use "What in the name of High School Football!?!?" quite frequently


"Cr [at] nky B [at] stard" <Mist [at] rCr</a<a href="mailto:> [at] nky" target="_blank">> [at] nky</a<a href="mailto:> [at] gmail.com" target="_blank">> [at] gmail.com> wrote in
news:124v3bo5htnvu40 [at] news.supernews.com:

> By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Josh Modell, Noel Murray, Nathan
> Rabin, Tasha Robinson, Scott Tobias
> April 26th, 2006
>
> Beyond "D'oh!": Simpsons Quotes For Everyday Use
>
> By Christopher Bahn, Donna Bowman, Noel Murray, Josh Modell, Nathan
> Rabin, and Tasha Robinson
>
> Remember when The Simpsons first came on the air? Remember when
> "D'oh!" was a weird, unnatural-sounding nonsense noise instead of a
> ubiquitous expression of frustration, and "Don't have a cow, man," "Ay
> caramba," and "Cowabunga, dude!" were the show's big catchphrases? If
> you don't, no sweat; The A.V. Club barely does either. But a
> ridiculous number of other catchphrases from the show have leaked into
> our cultural vocabularies and our daily lives. Here are just a few
> Simpsons lines that The A.V. Club uses in day-to-day parlance-and
> recommends for everyone else's daily use too.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Ohhh. I've wasted my life."
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VIII" (10/26/97)
>
> Context on the show: While reading a comic and loudly lecturing
> Aquaman on his romantic choices, the Comic Book Guy sees a missile
> bearing down on him and comes to sad terms with his impending death.
>
> Real-life uses: Useful at virtually any moment of self-realization or
> self-awareness, unless you cured cancer today or something, big shot.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Stupid TV! Be more funny!"
>
> Episode: "Marge On The Lam" (11/5/93)
>
> Context: While trying to understand why a studio audience is laughing
> appreciatively at a dryly serious Garrison Keillor-like performer,
> Homer pounds the family TV, trying to improve its humor reception.
>
> Real-life uses: Whenever frustrated with any form of insufficient
> humor, from your friends' lame jokes to, um, sub-par episodes of The
> Simpsons.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Everything's coming up Milhouse!"
>
> Episode: "Mom And Pop Art" (4/11/99)
>
> Context: Milhouse utters these immortal words in joy when the
> rolled-up cuffs of his "flood pants" keep his cuffs "bone-dry" after
> Homer floods Springfield as an elaborate piece of conceptual art. Beat
> that, Christo!
>
> Real-life uses: Useful for celebrating any lucky, unexpected sequence
> of events, no matter how comically minor or insignificant. (Note: this
> phrase need not be reserved solely for people actually named
> "Milhouse.")
>
>
>
> Quote: "May all your disgraces be private!"
>
> Episode: "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" (5/5/1994)
>
> Context: Corrupt, distinctly Kennedy-esque Mayor "Diamond" Joe Quimby
> offers his William Kennedy Smith-like nephew Freddie Quimby this
> self-serving toast at a fancy birthday party.
>
> Real-life uses: Can be applied to any scandal-prone wild child of
> privilege whose obnoxious behavior threatens to hit the tabloids. It's
> especially useful for the scions of powerful families with surnames
> like "Hilton," "Kennedy," "Bush," or "Trump." It can also be employed
> by Page Six freelancers after successfully shaking down
> publicity-conscious billionaires for hush money.
>
>
>
> Quote: "I was saying 'Boo-urns.'"
>
> Episode: "A Star Is Burns" (3/5/95)
>
> Context: When the audience at the Springfield Film Festival boos
> Montgomery Burns' entry, Smithers reassures his boss that the crowd is
> actually chanting "Boo-urns." The audience then reiterates that no,
> they were actually booing, though Hans Moleman mutters that in his
> case, at least, Smithers was right.
>
> Real-life uses: It can be an actual, gentler substitute for
> booing-complete with exaggerated frowny-face-or, in keeping with the
> original spirit, it can be a way to express that you aren't going
> along with the crowd.
>
>
>
> Quote: "In another, more accurate way, Barney is the winner."
>
> Episode: "Deep Space Homer" (2/24/94)
>
> Context: After Homer and Barney compete for a spot on the space
> shuttle, the scientist in charge of the project reassures them, "In a
> way, you're both winners," then clarifies the point.
>
> Real-life uses: Substitute any victorious team and/or person for
> "Barney," and you've got a smart-ass way to answer the question, "Hey,
> who won the game last night?"
>
> Quote: "Yes! 'Crisitunity!'"
>
> Episode: "Fear Of Flying" (12/18/94)
>
> Context: Homer's response when Lisa informs him that the Chinese use
> "the same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity.'"
>
> Real-life uses: As an irrationally exuberant response to any impending
> crummy situation.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Then get me his non-union, Mexican equivalent!"
>
> Episode: "A Star Is Burns" (3/5/95)
>
> Context: When Steven Spielberg isn't available to direct the
> self-aggrandizing opus "A Burns For All Seasons," Mr. Burns demands
> the next best thing. Enter Steven Spielbergo.
>
> Real-life uses: Any time you have to settle for second best. For
> example, virtually everyone turned down the male lead in Basic
> Instinct 2. Thus David Morrissey becomes Michael Douglas' non-union,
> Mexican equivalent.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Don't praise the machine."
>
> Episode: "Bart Gets An Elephant" (3/31/94)
>
> Context: Air-headed KBBL DJs Bill and Marty find their jobs in
> jeopardy when their boss threatens to replace them with a machine, the
> DJ 3000. It can play music automatically and has three varieties of
> "inane chatter," such as "Hey, hey. How about that weather out there?
> Whoa! That was the caller from hell. Well, hot dog! We have a wiener!"
> Bill chuckles "Man, that thing's great!", but Marty chides him.
>
> Real-life uses: Any time a person speaks positively about something
> that's a potential threat, or simply not worthy of compliments.
>
>
>
> Quote: "To start, press any key. Where's the ANY key?"
>
> Episode: "King-Size Homer" (11/5/95)
>
> Context: After gaining weight to get on financial disability, Homer
> finally achieves his dream of working at home, but he's immediately
> stymied by a computer prompt.
>
> Real-life uses: Whenever you're betrayed by technology, especially
> over something so simple that even a 4-year-old child could figure it
> out. This could lead right into another classic quote, courtesy of
> Groucho Marx in Duck Soup: "Run out and find me a 4-year-old child. I
> can't make head or tail of it."
>
> Quote: "Your dog's condition has been upgraded from stable to frisky."
>
> Episode: "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part One" (5/21/95)
>
> Context: After a torrential gush from Mr. Burns' slanted oil well
> smashes Bart's treehouse and hospitalizes his dog, the Simpsons have
> to take the pup to the local veterinarian. Though it temporarily has a
> cone around its head, the vet promises a full recovery.
>
> Real-life uses: Good for when you or a loved one are recovering from
> any minor injury or illness, and are ready for further punishment.
>
> Quote: "I've said it before and I'll say it again: Democracy simply
> doesn't work."
>
> Episode: "Bart's Comet" (2/5/95)
>
> Context: Newscaster Kent Brockman expresses his disgust after Congress
> rejects a bill to save Springfield from a comet impact after one
> senator attaches a $30 million rider "to support the perverted arts."
>
> Real-life uses: Useable on a bipartisan basis by anyone disappointed
> or irritated by the behavior of our elected officials. You'll never,
> ever run out of reasons to use this quote.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Have the Rolling Stones killed."
>
> Episode: "Rosebud" (10/21/93)
>
> Context: Already forlorn over his missing teddy bear Bobo, Mr. Burns
> suffers further insult at a birthday bash, where the Ramones end their
> raucous rendition of "Happy Birthday To You" with the send-off "Go to
> hell, you old bastard." Burns orders Smithers to avenge this insult,
> but gets the band's name wrong.
>
> Real-life uses: Useful after witnessing a substandard performance by
> any performer other than The Rolling Stones.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!"
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VII" (10/27/96)
>
> Context: Alien Kang, masquerading as presidential candidate Bob Dole,
> settles on this crowd-pleasing policy statement after bombing with his
> previous attempts: "Abortions for all!" and "No abortions for anyone!"
>
> Real-life uses: Sunday-morning political chat shows, campaign season,
> C-SPAN congressional coverage, Rose Garden press conferences-whenever
> you see a politician pandering, appealing to patriotism, or proposing
> a plan that pleases everyone and fixes nothing.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Aaaannnd heeerrre come the pretzels."
>
> Episode: "The Twisted World Of Marge Simpson" (1/19/97)
>
> Context: After her soft-pretzel operation has trouble getting off the
> ground, Marge decides to kick-start the business by handing out free
> samples at a baseball game. Unfortunately, this coincides with Mr.
> Burns winning a rigged ticket lottery for a Pontiac Astrowagon, which
> draws the crowd's wrath.
>
> Real-life uses: Inflection counts on this one, so the quote only works
> if you can manage at least a passable Vin Scully impersonation. Try it
> whenever a public figure gets rebuked on a mass scale, like when Barry
> Bonds steps up for an at-bat away from Pac Bell Park, or when Hester
> Prynne shows up with that "A" stitched to her blouse.
>
>
>
> Quote: "You shot who in the what now?"
>
> Episode: "Who Shot Mr. Burns? Part Two" (9/17/95)
>
> Context: Spoken by Jasper (Grandpa Simpson's bearded buddy) to
> indicate he hadn't noticed Smithers putting a bullet in Jasper's
> wooden leg.
>
> Real-life uses: As a slick replacement for such stuffy phrases as
> "Excuse me, I did not hear what you just said," or "Could you repeat
> that? I am confused."
>
>
>
> Quote: "Lousy Smarch weather."
>
> Episode: "Treehouse Of Horror VI" (10/30/95)
>
> Context: Spoken by a chilly Homer, looking at misprinted 13-month
> calendars purchased by Springfield Elementary.
> Real-life uses: A fun way to bitch about the weather-particularly


> during an unseasonably chilly Midwestern "spring," when every day
> feels like Smarch.
>
>
>
> Quote: "Worst. Episode. Ever."
>
> Episode: "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show" (2/9/97)
>
> Context: The Comic Book Guy emphatically dismisses the latest episode
> of Itchy & Scratchy, in a pointed parody of the way Simpsons viewers
> typically reacted to each and every new episode in Internet forums at
> the time.
>
> Real-life uses: Replace "episode" with any noun or phrase. (Let's just
> say it for you and save you some time. "Worst A.V. Club featurette
> ever!") Then pile on the Comic Book Guy's smug superiority, and you've
> got an instant dismissal of anything and everything, or an ironic
> mockery of such dismissal. Possibly both at once. And it even works
> when reversed! Best! Quote! Ever
>
>
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