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Miscellaneous / Verschiedenes » alt.fan.james-bond » 2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards
2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards [message #233042] Di, 07 März 2006 19:48
Mike Feeney  
Along with the annual Academy Awards ceremony comes the
annual Razzie awards for various "worst" categories in film.
To avoid any legal problems with the fine folks who bring
us the Razzies, let's call the 007 equivalent the Winking
Fish Awards (tm).

So, without further adieu, let's hand out the 2006 Bond
Winking Fish Awards!

Category 1: Worst supporting actor or actress in a Bond
film
Nominees:
(a) Halle Berry as Jynx in DIE ANOTHER DAY
(b) Rick Van Nutter as Felix Leiter in THUNDERBALL
(c) Talisa Soto as Lupe in LICENSE TO KILL

And the Winking Fish goes to...
Taliso Soto. This was a very close race. Van Nutter is
completely wooden in every scene he appears in. Berry's "Yo
Mama!" line is utterly embarassing. But Soto's delivery of
the line "I love James so much!" is truly, truly
cringeworthy.

Category 2: Worst special effects in a Bond film
Nominees:
(a) YOLT: toy helicopter on a string blowing up in Little
Nellie chase
(b) DAD: parasailing escape sequence
(c) LALD: Mr. Big over-inflating and exploding

And the Winking Fish goes to...
Mr. Big's demise: interesting concept, terrible execution.


Category 3: Most boring chase sequence in a Bond film
Nominees:
(a) TWINE: pre-credit sequence boat chase
(b) TWINE: snow-skiing chase
(c) NSNA: motorcycle chase

And the Winking Fish goes to...
Snow-skiing chase from TWINE. A boring chase made all the
worse by the inevitable comaparisons to the masterful
snow-skiing chases from OHMSS.

Category 4: Most annoying supporting character in a Bond
film
Nominees:
(a) Jynx in DAD
(b) Nigel Smallfawcett in NSNA
(c) J.W. Pepper in LALD/TMWTGG

And the Winking Fish goes to...
Jynx. Both Smallfawcett and Pepper were arguably used to
provide comedic relief -- and therefore had a purpose -- but
Jynx was ill-conceived from the start as 007's female
equivalent. She was even intended to star in her own
spin-off film franchise <shudder>. Yet she adds absolutely
nothing -- zero, zilch, nada -- to the film and could easily
have been removed without any consequences to the storyline.
She has no discernable personality either; something that
at least the screenwriters bothered to give to Pepper and
Smallfawcett. All in all, Jynx was a complete waste.

Category 5: Most redundant (i.e., unoriginal) henchperson
Nominees:
(a) Gobinda in OP
(b) Stamper in TND
(c) Erich Kriegler in FYEO

And the Winking Fish goes to...
Erich Krigler. Another close race. Gobinda is essentially
Oddjob wearing a turbin. And Stamper is essentially Red
Grant without the personality & depth of character. But
Kriegler is Stamper without the personality & depth of
character, so he receives the Winking Fish.

Category 6: Worst one-liner delivered by 007
Nominees:
(a) "One last screw" from TWINE
(b) "I thought Christmas only comes once a year" from TWINE
(c) "He had a lot of guts" from OHMSS

And the Winking Fish goes to...
"I thought Christmas only comes once a year". It's one
thing for a one-liner to simply not be funny, but its
another thing entirely for it to be in poor taste. This one
was an embarrassment to the series as a whole.

Category 7: Most boring and/or convoluted plot in a Bond
film
Nominees:
(a) OP: jewel smugglers are used as unwitting pawns by a
renegade Soviet General who wants to start a war with the
Western powers
(b) TLD: something to do with arms dealers fabricating a
plot to kill British double-oh agents that invloves tricking
007 into performing an assassination, and then somehow later
involves Afghanistan rebels and drugs... I dunno, is this
close?
(c) FYEO: secret British military device is stolen and
must be recovered before it is sold to the Soviets

And the Winking Fish goes to...
FYEO. Yes, TLD is the most convoluted but at least the
viewer can stay awake by attempting to figure out what the
hell is going on. FYEO is simply boring and has been
approved by the U.S. Surgeon General as a sleep-aid. If
this device is so important, why not have a tracking device
built in to it? Sheesh, James Bond is easily tracked via
the radioactive pill he swallows in TB -- 16 years earler!
But then again, who needs a high-tech tracking device when
all you have to do is talk to a parrot to discover the
location and resolve the film's plot? Even the writers had
given up on this plot.

Category 8: worst musical score in a Bond film
Nominees:
(a) LALD
(b) TSWLM
(c) NSNA

And the Winking Fish goes to...
NSNA. But all three are sub-par for the series.

Category 9: Most incredulous (i.e., hard to believe) scene
in a Bond film
Nominees:
(a) TLD: Koskov's jeep smashes head first into an airplane
and bursts into flames, yet he is completely unharmed
(b) NSNA: Fatima Blush is blown-up by a trick fountain-pen
(which really writes too!) and vanishes in a column of
smoke, leaving behind only her still-intact ruby slippers.
Not a drop of blood, or other body part, lands on 007 who is
sitting all of six feet away from the explosion.
(c): TLD: Bond and Kara drop from the heights of an
airplane in a jeep and land on solid ground without so much
as breaking a fingernail. They find themselves conveniently
located on flat ground in all directions, next to a road.
Moments before, however, there was "no safe place to land".
(d) MR: Jaws' parachute fails to open, and he survives the
incident by landing on a circus tent
(e) LALD: Mr. Big is injected with a lighter-than-air gas
that causes him to rise to the ceiling and pop upon
impacting a sharp object.

And the Winking Fish goes to...
Fatima Blush. While the two scenes from TLD may actually
be more incredulous, by the time they occur relatively late
in the film the viewer's brain is so numb from attempting to
infer the movie's plot that these events have actually gone
unnoticed by some viewers! And the MR scene, while highly
improbably, is not impossible. And the LALD scene, while it
may have gotten some of its physics wrong, at least
attempted to provide an explanation for what occurs. The
Fatima Blush scene, however, is simply cartoonish from
concept to execution.

Category 10: Bond girl with the least amount of sexual
appeal/chemistry
Nominees:
(a) Carol Bouquet as Melina Havelock in FYEO
(b) Carey Lowell as Pam in LTK
(c) Halle Berry as Jynx in DAD

And the Winking Fish goes to...
Carol Bouquet. While Lowell and Berry have zero chemistry
with their leading men, at least they still function as
eye-candy (although in both cases their short haircuts
negate this factor to a large extent for me personally).
But Bouquet is simply a cold fish from the start. I'd have
tossed her aside in a heartbeat for a shot at Bibi.

And that concludes the 2006 Winking Fish Awards. Be here
next year to see how many times CASINO ROYALE goes home a
winner!

--Mike
Re: 2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards [message #233070 ] Mi, 08 März 2006 01:49
phil.gerrard1  
Mike wrote:

<polite snips, but LOL throughout>

However, the Academy unaccountably neglected the following possible
nominees:

> Category 4: Most annoying supporting character in a Bond
> film

Nick Nack in TMWTGG
Rev Joe Butcher in LTK
'R' in TWINE (that Cleese redeemed himself astonishingly in DAD is a
miracle akin to two like snowflakes)

> Category 5: Most redundant (i.e., unoriginal) henchperson
> Nominees:

Hans in YOLT (the real blueprint for the Stampers and Krieglers to
come)
Mr Kil in DAD

> Category 6: Worst one-liner delivered by 007

'Play it again, Sam' in MR
(If it hadn't been excised, 'Better make that two' in TLD would have
been my nomination.)

> Category 8: worst musical score in a Bond film

Got to disagree with you on LALD, which I think works pretty well. I'd
nominate GE in its place: the Casio-demo-electro-funk of the race with
Onatopp, and 'The Experience of Love' mark it well down towards the
bottom of the list for me.

> Category 9: Most incredulous (i.e., hard to believe) scene
> in a Bond film

Hate to do this to you, Mike, but... double-taking pigeon?

> Category 10: Bond girl with the least amount of sexual
> appeal/chemistry
> Nominees:
> (a) Carol Bouquet as Melina Havelock in FYEO
> (b) Carey Lowell as Pam in LTK
> (c) Halle Berry as Jynx in DAD

I'd give you Berry - beautiful girl, but way too forced in her attempts
to be 'sensual' - but would disagree with the other choices. Sorry to
say that despite being a fine actress, Honor Blackman never really did
anything for me, and as much as Tanya Roberts is fine to look at, god,
that voice is pure fingernails-down-a-blackboard to my ears.

Thanks for the laugh anyway!

Best

Phil
Re: 2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards [message #233114 ] Mi, 08 März 2006 23:33
ahk  
At 6:48pm -0000, 03/07/06, Mike Feeney <moonraker79 [at] excite.comPLICATE> wrote:

>Category 10: Bond girl with the least amount of sexual
>appeal/chemistry
>Nominees:
>(a) Carol Bouquet as Melina Havelock in FYEO
>(b) Carey Lowell as Pam in LTK
>(c) Halle Berry as Jynx in DAD

>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>Carol Bouquet. While Lowell and Berry have zero chemistry
>with their leading men, at least they still function as
>eye-candy (although in both cases their short haircuts
>negate this factor to a large extent for me personally).
>But Bouquet is simply a cold fish from the start. I'd have
>tossed her aside in a heartbeat for a shot at Bibi.

Her parents were murdered in front of her; she had a single-minded quest
for revenge. What's more hot blooded than that?

Halle Berry generally has a short haircut. Where have you been?

Mike, your Fish needs a new battery.
Re: 2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards [message #233139 ] Do, 09 März 2006 09:06
JHause  
No offense, but all my awards go to Moonraker:

Jaws' girlfriend, the souped-up gondola chase, Holly Goodhead the
rocket scientist/CIA agent, the phoney space scenes. The only good
scene's the teaser, until "Jaws" (who suddenly looks about 5'2" in the
shot) flaps his arms as he freefalls into a circus tent.

I heard there's an outtake where one of the crew dressed up as a
Martian and pretended to be cleaning the windows of the space station
from outside during one scene. That might have saved the movie for me.
Re: 2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards [message #233142 ] Do, 09 März 2006 10:41
Barry King  
LOL! Great post, Mike. Comments below...

Mike Feeney wrote:
> Along with the annual Academy Awards ceremony comes the
> annual Razzie awards for various "worst" categories in film.
> To avoid any legal problems with the fine folks who bring
> us the Razzies, let's call the 007 equivalent the Winking
> Fish Awards (tm).
>
> So, without further adieu, let's hand out the 2006 Bond
> Winking Fish Awards!
>
> Category 1: Worst supporting actor or actress in a Bond
> film
> Nominees:
> (a) Halle Berry as Jynx in DIE ANOTHER DAY
> (b) Rick Van Nutter as Felix Leiter in THUNDERBALL
> (c) Talisa Soto as Lupe in LICENSE TO KILL
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> Taliso Soto. This was a very close race. Van Nutter is
> completely wooden in every scene he appears in. Berry's "Yo
> Mama!" line is utterly embarassing. But Soto's delivery of
> the line "I love James so much!" is truly, truly
> cringeworthy.

No real arguments with these; the last two couldn't act their way out
of a cobweb and Ms. Berry inexplicably chose not to do so in DAD. I
think, however, that the list of nominees is incomplete without Tanya
Roberts, Denise Richards and my pick for the winner in the category,
Tania Mallet as Tilly Masterson in GOLDFINGER.

>
> Category 2: Worst special effects in a Bond film
> Nominees:
> (a) YOLT: toy helicopter on a string blowing up in Little
> Nellie chase
> (b) DAD: parasailing escape sequence
> (c) LALD: Mr. Big over-inflating and exploding
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> Mr. Big's demise: interesting concept, terrible execution.

Terrible execution indeed. Interesting concept... eh, not so much.
Another nominee in this category is the avalanche in OHMSS. I think
you nailed the winner though.

>
> Category 3: Most boring chase sequence in a Bond film
> Nominees:
> (a) TWINE: pre-credit sequence boat chase
> (b) TWINE: snow-skiing chase
> (c) NSNA: motorcycle chase
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> Snow-skiing chase from TWINE. A boring chase made all the
> worse by the inevitable comaparisons to the masterful
> snow-skiing chases from OHMSS.

A truly dismal chase from a movie in which EVERY action sequence,
without exception, was incompetently executed. Your point about
comparison with the ski chase in OHMSS is valid; I find the chase in
FYEO dull despite its frenetic attempts to throw in every possible
variation, largely because it is so inferior to the Piz Gloria chase.

> Category 4: Most annoying supporting character in a Bond
> film
> Nominees:
> (a) Jynx in DAD
> (b) Nigel Smallfawcett in NSNA
> (c) J.W. Pepper in LALD/TMWTGG
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> Jynx. Both Smallfawcett and Pepper were arguably used to
> provide comedic relief -- and therefore had a purpose -- but
> Jynx was ill-conceived from the start as 007's female
> equivalent. She was even intended to star in her own
> spin-off film franchise <shudder>. Yet she adds absolutely
> nothing -- zero, zilch, nada -- to the film and could easily
> have been removed without any consequences to the storyline.
> She has no discernable personality either; something that
> at least the screenwriters bothered to give to Pepper and
> Smallfawcett. All in all, Jynx was a complete waste.

Jynx is certainly a cypher, but I think the Most Annoying Fishy
requires something more than the merely generic, something to really
make your skin itch. Smallfawcett and Pepper surely qualify, as do
Phil's nominees, Nick Nack and Rev. Butcher. I'd add the Chief of
Staff and Bibi in FYEO and Mary Goodnight, making TMWTGG a
three-nominee film in this category!

>
> Category 5: Most redundant (i.e., unoriginal) henchperson
> Nominees:
> (a) Gobinda in OP
> (b) Stamper in TND
> (c) Erich Kriegler in FYEO
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> Erich Krigler. Another close race. Gobinda is essentially
> Oddjob wearing a turbin. And Stamper is essentially Red
> Grant without the personality & depth of character. But
> Kriegler is Stamper without the personality & depth of
> character, so he receives the Winking Fish.

Worthy nominees indeed, but I gotta agree with Phil. Hans in YOLT is
the very definition of Generic Henchman.

>
> Category 6: Worst one-liner delivered by 007
> Nominees:
> (a) "One last screw" from TWINE
> (b) "I thought Christmas only comes once a year" from TWINE
> (c) "He had a lot of guts" from OHMSS
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> "I thought Christmas only comes once a year". It's one
> thing for a one-liner to simply not be funny, but its
> another thing entirely for it to be in poor taste. This one
> was an embarrassment to the series as a whole.

I'd give the Fishy to "I discovered it had a crush on me" from MR, but
we've had that argument before. I kinda like the "guts" line, but I
must admit it wasn't very well-delivered.

>
> Category 7: Most boring and/or convoluted plot in a Bond
> film
> Nominees:
> (a) OP: jewel smugglers are used as unwitting pawns by a
> renegade Soviet General who wants to start a war with the
> Western powers
> (b) TLD: something to do with arms dealers fabricating a
> plot to kill British double-oh agents that invloves tricking
> 007 into performing an assassination, and then somehow later
> involves Afghanistan rebels and drugs... I dunno, is this
> close?
> (c) FYEO: secret British military device is stolen and
> must be recovered before it is sold to the Soviets
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> FYEO. Yes, TLD is the most convoluted but at least the
> viewer can stay awake by attempting to figure out what the
> hell is going on. FYEO is simply boring and has been
> approved by the U.S. Surgeon General as a sleep-aid. If
> this device is so important, why not have a tracking device
> built in to it? Sheesh, James Bond is easily tracked via
> the radioactive pill he swallows in TB -- 16 years earler!
> But then again, who needs a high-tech tracking device when
> all you have to do is talk to a parrot to discover the
> location and resolve the film's plot? Even the writers had
> given up on this plot.

This category needs to be re-thought. Either two awards or just
eliminate the "boring" part. I don't actually find any of the Bond
films "boring;" TMWTGG and NSNA probably come closest. For convoluted
I'd go with OP, but the case can certainly be made for TLD.

> Category 8: worst musical score in a Bond film
> Nominees:
> (a) LALD
> (b) TSWLM
> (c) NSNA
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> NSNA. But all three are sub-par for the series.

I kinda like LALD's score; it ain't John Barry but it ain't bad. I'd
substitute GE and FYEO.

> Category 9: Most incredulous (i.e., hard to believe) scene
> in a Bond film
> Nominees:
> (a) TLD: Koskov's jeep smashes head first into an airplane
> and bursts into flames, yet he is completely unharmed
> (b) NSNA: Fatima Blush is blown-up by a trick fountain-pen
> (which really writes too!) and vanishes in a column of
> smoke, leaving behind only her still-intact ruby slippers.
> Not a drop of blood, or other body part, lands on 007 who is
> sitting all of six feet away from the explosion.
> (c): TLD: Bond and Kara drop from the heights of an
> airplane in a jeep and land on solid ground without so much
> as breaking a fingernail. They find themselves conveniently
> located on flat ground in all directions, next to a road.
> Moments before, however, there was "no safe place to land".
> (d) MR: Jaws' parachute fails to open, and he survives the
> incident by landing on a circus tent
> (e) LALD: Mr. Big is injected with a lighter-than-air gas
> that causes him to rise to the ceiling and pop upon
> impacting a sharp object.
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> Fatima Blush. While the two scenes from TLD may actually
> be more incredulous, by the time they occur relatively late
> in the film the viewer's brain is so numb from attempting to
> infer the movie's plot that these events have actually gone
> unnoticed by some viewers! And the MR scene, while highly
> improbably, is not impossible. And the LALD scene, while it
> may have gotten some of its physics wrong, at least
> attempted to provide an explanation for what occurs. The
> Fatima Blush scene, however, is simply cartoonish from
> concept to execution.

Nope. Pop-goes-the-badguy wins hands down. Followed by a Lifetime
Achievement award to Jaws for damn near every scene he was in after the
middle of TSWLM.

> Category 10: Bond girl with the least amount of sexual
> appeal/chemistry
> Nominees:
> (a) Carol Bouquet as Melina Havelock in FYEO
> (b) Carey Lowell as Pam in LTK
> (c) Halle Berry as Jynx in DAD
>
> And the Winking Fish goes to...
> Carol Bouquet. While Lowell and Berry have zero chemistry
> with their leading men, at least they still function as
> eye-candy (although in both cases their short haircuts
> negate this factor to a large extent for me personally).
> But Bouquet is simply a cold fish from the start. I'd have
> tossed her aside in a heartbeat for a shot at Bibi.

Well said, but my winner going away is Lois Chiles as Holly Goodhead in
MR. Not just wooden, balsa.

> And that concludes the 2006 Winking Fish Awards. Be here
> next year to see how many times CASINO ROYALE goes home a
> winner!
>
> --Mike

--
Barry King
--
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man
who cannot read them."
-Mark Twain
Re: 2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards [message #233147 ] Do, 09 März 2006 11:54
Garmt de Vries  
On Thu, 09 Mar 2006 10:41:29 +0100, Barry King <byron.king [at] mci.com> wrote:

> Mike Feeney wrote:
>>
>> So, without further adieu, let's hand out the 2006 Bond
>> Winking Fish Awards!
>>
>> Category 1: Worst supporting actor or actress in a Bond
>> film
>> Nominees:
>> (a) Halle Berry as Jynx in DIE ANOTHER DAY
>> (b) Rick Van Nutter as Felix Leiter in THUNDERBALL
>> (c) Talisa Soto as Lupe in LICENSE TO KILL
>>
> No real arguments with these; the last two couldn't act their way out
> of a cobweb and Ms. Berry inexplicably chose not to do so in DAD. I
> think, however, that the list of nominees is incomplete without Tanya
> Roberts, Denise Richards and my pick for the winner in the category,
> Tania Mallet as Tilly Masterson in GOLDFINGER.

Yes, Miss Sutton should be on this list. And, as far as I'm concerned, she
wins the Fish.

> Your point about
> comparison with the ski chase in OHMSS is valid; I find the chase in
> FYEO dull despite its frenetic attempts to throw in every possible
> variation, largely because it is so inferior to the Piz Gloria chase.

One of the reasons for that might be the attempt made in FYEO to stuff
each and every Olympic winter discipline in the chase. OHMSS is much more
straightforward. Add to that Bond's look of genuine fear as he hides among
the crowds in the village, and you have a chase that can hardly be topped.

>> Category 4: Most annoying supporting character in a Bond
>> film
>> Nominees:
>> (a) Jynx in DAD
>> (b) Nigel Smallfawcett in NSNA
>> (c) J.W. Pepper in LALD/TMWTGG
>>
> Jynx is certainly a cypher, but I think the Most Annoying Fishy
> requires something more than the merely generic, something to really
> make your skin itch. Smallfawcett and Pepper surely qualify, as do
> Phil's nominees, Nick Nack and Rev. Butcher. I'd add the Chief of
> Staff and Bibi in FYEO and Mary Goodnight, making TMWTGG a
> three-nominee film in this category!

One more vote here for Bibi.

>> Category 5: Most redundant (i.e., unoriginal) henchperson
>> Nominees:
>> (a) Gobinda in OP
>> (b) Stamper in TND
>> (c) Erich Kriegler in FYEO
>>
> Worthy nominees indeed, but I gotta agree with Phil. Hans in YOLT is
> the very definition of Generic Henchman.

So much so that your post made me think, "Hans? Who is Hans?"

>> Category 8: worst musical score in a Bond film
>> Nominees:
>> (a) LALD
>> (b) TSWLM
>> (c) NSNA
>>
>> And the Winking Fish goes to...

GoldenEye, easily. Despite some good parts, it's far too techno/electronic
for me.

Nice post, Mike! I'm eagerly waiting for the equivalent in the literary
domain :)

--
Garmt de Vries
Re: 2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards [message #233202 ] Do, 09 März 2006 22:55
Mike Feeney  
Barry wrote:

> LOL! Great post, Mike. Comments below...
>

<snip>

Still looking forward to your review of BATMAN BEGINS,
Barry. Since its off-topic for this forum, feel free to
send me a personal e-mai if you prefer.

--Mike
Re: 2006 Bond Winking Fish Awards [message #233362 ] Sa, 11 März 2006 18:33
dgates  
This post was so nice that, even though it's my duty ("as a complete
and utter bastard," as they say) to nitpick it, I'll try to work
within the logic of the nicely assembled post.


On Tue, 07 Mar 2006 18:48:16 -0000, "Mike Feeney"
<moonraker79 [at] excite.comPLICATE> wrote:

>Along with the annual Academy Awards ceremony comes the
>annual Razzie awards for various "worst" categories in film.
> To avoid any legal problems with the fine folks who bring
>us the Razzies, let's call the 007 equivalent the Winking
>Fish Awards (tm).
>
>So, without further adieu, let's hand out the 2006 Bond
>Winking Fish Awards!
>
>Category 1: Worst supporting actor or actress in a Bond
>film
>Nominees:
>(a) Halle Berry as Jynx in DIE ANOTHER DAY
>(b) Rick Van Nutter as Felix Leiter in THUNDERBALL
>(c) Talisa Soto as Lupe in LICENSE TO KILL

I'm not sure how a "leading lady" got nominated along with the other
supporting roles. Within the short list of nominees, I have no
problem with Talisa "winning."


>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>Taliso Soto...
>Soto's delivery of
>the line "I love James so much!" is truly, truly
>cringeworthy.
>
>Category 2: Worst special effects in a Bond film
>Nominees:
>(a) YOLT: toy helicopter on a string blowing up in Little
>Nellie chase
>(b) DAD: parasailing escape sequence
>(c) LALD: Mr. Big over-inflating and exploding
>
>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>Mr. Big's demise: interesting concept, terrible execution.

I'm not sure about this one. The idea was doomed from the beginning.
Even if the bullet worked the way it was shown working on the couch...
Bond gets the guy to SWALLOW it??

And even if the guy swallowed it, all it would do is blow open his
ribcage (right?)

On the other hand, in the scene's defense, this came at the end of a
film full of some pretty nasty stuff -- voodoo rituals, snakes, Kanaga
slapping Solitaire to the ground, etc. Maybe it wasn't so bad to have
a preposterous "fun" ending to settle the audience back down.

I'll take the parasailing scene instead. No matter how you slice it,
it failed to meet its own ambitions.


>Category 3: Most boring chase sequence in a Bond film
>Nominees:
>(a) TWINE: pre-credit sequence boat chase
>(b) TWINE: snow-skiing chase
>(c) NSNA: motorcycle chase
>
>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>Snow-skiing chase from TWINE. A boring chase made all the
>worse by the inevitable comaparisons to the masterful
>snow-skiing chases from OHMSS.
>
>Category 4: Most annoying supporting character in a Bond
>film
>Nominees:
>(a) Jynx in DAD
>(b) Nigel Smallfawcett in NSNA
>(c) J.W. Pepper in LALD/TMWTGG
>
>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>Jynx. Both Smallfawcett and Pepper were arguably used to
>provide comedic relief -- and therefore had a purpose...

I don't know. She had a couple of groaner lines, but I basically
liked her. And if you can tell me how Halle could have taken that
script and done anything different with it, I'll be interested to hear
it.

I'd like a write-in vote for Bibi from FYEO instead please. At least
Jynx ("Jinx?") and Smallfawcett did something for the story. Bibi
seemed like a 100% wasted detour.

And she was annoying every time she opened her mouth.


>Category 5: Most redundant (i.e., unoriginal) henchperson
>Nominees:
>(a) Gobinda in OP

Who?

>(b) Stamper in TND

Who?

>(c) Erich Kriegler in FYEO

Who?


>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>Erich Krigler. Another close race. Gobinda is essentially
>Oddjob wearing a turbin. And Stamper is essentially Red
>Grant without the personality & depth of character. But
>Kriegler is Stamper without the personality & depth of
>character, so he receives the Winking Fish.

That's fine with me. Wasn't there also a Stamper/Kriegler type in
YOLT? I have a fuzzy memory of Bond briefly fighting a big guy.


>Category 6: Worst one-liner delivered by 007
>Nominees:
>(a) "One last screw" from TWINE
>(b) "I thought Christmas only comes once a year" from TWINE
>(c) "He had a lot of guts" from OHMSS
>
>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>"I thought Christmas only comes once a year". It's one
>thing for a one-liner to simply not be funny, but its
>another thing entirely for it to be in poor taste. This one
>was an embarrassment to the series as a whole.

Write-in vote:

"Cunning linguist" please. It's just as tasteless, and it's a damn
old joke as well. And Moneypenny had to say it in front of M, unlike
Bond saying it to Denise Richards, who probably wouldn't mind so much.


>Category 7: Most boring and/or convoluted plot in a Bond
>film
>Nominees:
>(a) OP: jewel smugglers are used as unwitting pawns by a
>renegade Soviet General who wants to start a war with the
>Western powers
>(b) TLD: something to do with arms dealers fabricating a
>plot to kill British double-oh agents that invloves tricking
>007 into performing an assassination, and then somehow later
>involves Afghanistan rebels and drugs... I dunno, is this
>close?
>(c) FYEO: secret British military device is stolen and
>must be recovered before it is sold to the Soviets
>
>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>FYEO. Yes, TLD is the most convoluted but at least the
>viewer can stay awake by attempting to figure out what the
>hell is going on. FYEO is simply boring and has been
>approved by the U.S. Surgeon General as a sleep-aid. If
>this device is so important, why not have a tracking device
>built in to it? Sheesh, James Bond is easily tracked via
>the radioactive pill he swallows in TB -- 16 years earler!
>But then again, who needs a high-tech tracking device when
>all you have to do is talk to a parrot to discover the
>location and resolve the film's plot? Even the writers had
>given up on this plot.

I've gotta disagree with this whole *category* -- merging "convoluted"
and "boring" into one category seems wrongthink.

Usually someone complaining about the convolutions of the first two
plots would hold up FYEO as an example of a better, streamlined plot:
Bond's gotta get this device and, along the way, gets hooked up with a
Greek girl who wants revenge on the villain.



>Category 8: worst musical score in a Bond film
> Nominees:
>(a) LALD
>(b) TSWLM
>(c) NSNA
>
>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>NSNA. But all three are sub-par for the series.

I thought (a) and (b) were good, and both better that FYEO, Goldeneye
or even AVTAK (by our own man, Barry).

LALD, within its (most would probably say "dated") style, was full of
great music. And TSWLM had a few good cuts as well.

NSNA is, however, the worst. So you got that right.


>Category 9: Most incredulous (i.e., hard to believe) scene
>in a Bond film
>Nominees:
>(a) TLD: Koskov's jeep smashes head first into an airplane
>and bursts into flames, yet he is completely unharmed

barely remember it

>(b) NSNA: Fatima Blush is blown-up by a trick fountain-pen
>(which really writes too!) and vanishes in a column of
>smoke, leaving behind only her still-intact ruby slippers.
>Not a drop of blood, or other body part, lands on 007 who is
>sitting all of six feet away from the explosion.

yeah, that was lame.

>(c): TLD: Bond and Kara drop from the heights of an
>airplane in a jeep and land on solid ground without so much
>as breaking a fingernail. They find themselves conveniently
>located on flat ground in all directions, next to a road.
>Moments before, however, there was "no safe place to land".

poorly executed, I'd say. It would have worked better (logistically
as well, I think) if the Jeep had fallen onto the downward slope of a
mountain.

>(d) MR: Jaws' parachute fails to open, and he survives the
>incident by landing on a circus tent

yeah, but... something about the fact that it was tied into the
opening credits (and that it was a guy who already beat a shark in a
fight) made it not so bad.

>(e) LALD: Mr. Big is injected with a lighter-than-air gas
>that causes him to rise to the ceiling and pop upon
>impacting a sharp object.

I still don't understand why he would RISE anyway. You know how much
helium it would take to lift a man? :-o


>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>Fatima Blush.

Yeah, it was straining at all edges. "You want me to write it down?"
Bond offers. Get outta here!


>Category 10: Bond girl with the least amount of sexual
>appeal/chemistry
>Nominees:
>(a) Carol Bouquet as Melina Havelock in FYEO
>(b) Carey Lowell as Pam in LTK
>(c) Halle Berry as Jynx in DAD
>
>And the Winking Fish goes to...
>Carol Bouquet.
>... Bouquet is simply a cold fish from the start. I'd have
>tossed her aside in a heartbeat for a shot at Bibi.

Fair enough, with the narrowly defined category, and only those 3
nominees.

I think a lot of "Bond girls" aren't necessarily the sexiest women
around, but make up for it in other ways.

A fella might say that he'd rather sleep with Denise Richards in TWINE
than Michelle Yeoh in TND, but that doesn't mean that Denise did more
for the movie. (Or compare Talisa Soto in LTK with Honor Blackman in
GF, along the same narrow criteria.)


>And that concludes the 2006 Winking Fish Awards. Be here
>next year to see how many times CASINO ROYALE goes home a
>winner!

Well, I love awards shows, except for the acceptance speeches and the
categories I don't care about, and this had neither of those.

Nicely written.
Vorheriges Thema:Gilbert - James Bond - Odd Job - Man from U.N.C.L.E and Honey West boxes
Nächstes Thema:Craig as Bond is totally surreal
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