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Fantasy » alt.fan.harry-potter » MST3K of "The Silence of Bush"
| MST3K of "The Silence of Bush" [message #231150] |
Mi, 08 März 2006 04:03 |
|
[The scene: Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny file into Snape's
classroom, facing detention for switching the tags on the men's and
women's restrooms, so that Snape accidently walked in on Umbridge.]
SNAPE: You must read this.
arizonadreaming2008 [at] yahoo.com wrote:
> The newly released footage of officials briefing George Bush before
> Hurricane Katrina shows Michael Brown sitting at a laptop computer.
RON: WTF is a laptop computer?
> Given the caricature of Incapability Brown,
HARRY: Is that Lavender's uncle or something?
HERMIONE: It's Encyclopedia Brown's lesser-known brother.
> I wouldn't have been surprised if the ex-FEMA director was playing
> solitaire: "Mr. President, I just can't find a place for this king
> of hearts."
GINNY: [singing] I left my king of hearts in San Francisco.
> Instead, Brown is clear about the hurricane threat.
HARRY: [Fakes adult voice] "It's going to be wet and windy."
> He even anticipates the chaos that would later hit at the Superdome.
GINNY: Well, it's always a mistake to flip a coin before games in
Louisiana...
> "I'm concerned about ... their ability to respond to a catastrophe
> within a catastrophe," Brown told his bosses.
SNAPE: I respond to one of those everytime Neville Longbottom sets foot
in my classroom.
> We see the president all the time in public settings, giving speeches,
> shaking hands, looking concerned.
GINNY: What? No streaking?
> But this footage is fascinating because it is the first video I can
> recall of the president at work in private.
HERMIONE: Well, we have footage of Clinton in private, but it's in the
restricted section...
> It's our chance to see how the image of the president painted by his
> allies compares with the actual man.
RON: Well, the painted image is on a flat surface.
> And the result is somewhat alarming.
SNAPE: [Shudders] Not as alarming as walking in on Umbridge.
> Based on what I'd been told by White House aides over the years, I
> expected to see the president asking piercing questions that
> punctured the fog of the moment and inspired bold action.
HARRY: There was fog at the meeting? Where were they holding the meeting?
> Bush's question-asking talents are a central tenet of the president's
> hagiography.
RON: WTF is "hagiography?"
> He may not be much for details, say aides, but he can zero in on a
> weak spot in a briefing and ask out-of-the-box questions.
HARRY: Like, "how come this looked better when it was still in the box?"
> I have been repeatedly told over the years that he once interrupted a
> briefing on national defense to pose a 30,000-foot stumper: What is
> the function of the Department of Defense?
RON: Is that part of the Ministry of Magic?
GINNY: Maybe we should ask Dad.
> So, surely during this briefing about an impending natural disaster,
> the president would have had a few pointed inquiries.
HARRY: [Imitates John Cleese] "Oh, so we want to learn how to defend
ourselves against pointed inquiries, do we? Fresh fruit not good enough
for you?"
> The experts assembled in boxes on his screen like guests on Hollywood
> Squares had just told him the coming hurricane "was the big one"
RON: [Imitates Redd Foxx] "'Lizabeth! This is the big one!"
> and talked about "the greatest potential for large loss of life."
GINNY: How 'bout that mac and cheese we had last week?
> Yet according to the Associated Press, which is the only press
> organization that has reviewed the video,
HERMIONE: They gave it two thumbs up! Should be a shoo-in for an Oscar
this year!
> Bush didn't ask a single question in the briefing,
RON: Just like we are in History of Magic...
> but told officials "we are fully prepared."
> You know you're in trouble when Michael Brown outshines you.
HARRY: No, it's when Goyle outshines you that you're in trouble.
> But the president's question-free briefing is more than a
> momentary bad piece of public relations.
GINNY: It's also a dessert topping!
> It's a blow to a key Bush myth.
HERMIONE: [Imitates Sprout] The Key Bush was once believed to be very
common, but now Herbologists believe it was only a myth.
> The Bush management philosophy relies on him as an interrogator.
RON: [Imitates Michael Palin] Noooobody expects the Bush Inquisition!
> He delegates, but that's OK because he knows how to question those he
> empowers to make sure they're focused.
HARRY: [Imitates Bush] Got your eyeglass prescription checked?
> Question-asking is also a central public tool in the "trust me"
> presidency.
GINNY: And for only TWO GALLEONS MORE, you can get the complete set of
Central Public Tools!
> We aren't supposed to worry that the NSA wiretapping program goes too
> far because the president has asked all the questions.
RON: WTF is "wiretapping?"
> When the president was wrong about the level of weapons of mass
> destruction in Iraq or the strength of the insurgency, it wasn't
> because he didn't ask enough questions, we have been told, it
> was because he was given the wrong answers.
HERMIONE: But we've decided to blame him anyway!
RON: When we give Snape the wrong answers on an exam, can we blame him?
SNAPE: I don't think so.
> Bush has long been criticized for being incurious.
GINNY: So he's Curious George's twin brother, Incurious George.
> That isn't always a bad thing.
SNAPE: Unlike walking in on Umbridge.
OTHER FOUR: [Shudder]
> A president can be uninterested in visiting the Taj Mahal if
> he's laserlike behind the scenes.
RON: Bloody hell! Is it that hard to get out of seeing the Taj Mahal?
> Perhaps the Katrina briefing was an aberration.
HARRY: Just like my cousin Dudley.
> But I worry that it isn't. Those in the room with him during other
> briefings also say he didn't ask very sharp questions then, either.
HERMIONE: Well maybe if you'd trust him with a sharp question every
once in a while, you might see some improvement.
> Former anti-terrorism official Richard Clarke and Treasury Secretary
> Paul O'Neill both wrote about Bush's lack of curiosity.
GINNY: Yep. Definitely Incurious George.
> L. Paul Bremer's account of his 14 months in Iraq as head of
> the Coalition Provisional Authority inadvertently paints a similar
> picture. In briefings, Bush offered a pep talk-"pace yourself,
> Jerry"-and questions about tangential issues like whether the new
> Iraqi leaders would thank the Americans for their sacrifice.
RON: [Imitates Michael Palin] The Knights who say "Ni!" demand a
sacrifice!
> George Packer didn't work for Bush, but his book The Assassin's Gate
> paints a grim portrait
HARRY: These blokes sure like painting. That's the third portrait
they've done so far.
> of what happens when the president doesn't ask the right
> questions: Factions within his administration take over and pursue
> their own agendas.
RON: Have you every tried pursuing someone else's agenda? It's a
bloody pain in the arse, I tell you!
> A White House spokesman told the AP that in this specific case the
> president had already received multiple briefings.
GINNY: [giggles]
HERMIONE: That wasn't "briefs," Ginny.
GINNY: [Blushes] Oh.
> Aides also leaked a transcript to Newsweek of another briefing in
> which Brown tells others that the president is engaged
HARRY: Congratulations, sir! Who's the lucky lady?
> and asking questions. (Though they didn't release any transcript
> that actually showed Bush asking those questions, just Brown's
> secondhand account.)
RON: Wait, I'm confused. How does a transcript actually show someone
doing something?
> But shouldn't talk of catastrophe in the briefing AP acquired have
> spurred the president's interest-no matter how many previous
> briefings he'd received? Was Michael Brown such a good briefer that
> everything was clear? I don't know what question the president should
> have asked, but shouldn't he have asked something?
GINNY: Like, "why am I getting the same briefing a zillion times with
no new information?"
> The president has been at pains recently to show the public that he
> has grown and adapted while in office.
HERMIONE: [Imitates Borg Queen] We will adapt. We are Borg.
> When talking about Iraq, he has increased his references to lessons
> learned.
RON: Just like you, Hermione!
HERMIONE: [Points wand at Ron] Watch it.
> Wednesday night, he responded to ABC's Elizabeth Vargas' questions
> about the slow federal response to Katrina by pointing out that the
> administration had learned the lessons of its failures.
HARRY: Unlike the Ministry of Magic...
> But learning lessons depends on asking questions-the right ones and a
> lot of them.
RON: Just like you, Hermione!
HERMIONE: Stupify!
RON: [Collapses on desk]
> Let's hope one of the questions the president asked after the
> catastrophe was whether he had asked the right questions before it.
HARRY: WTF?
GINNY: Yeah, I don't get it. Hermione, what's this Muggle git driving at?
HERMIONE: Beats me. Professor, what's the point of all this?
SNAPE: I was hoping you could tell me. [Checks clock] All right,
revive Mr. Weasley and get out of here.
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| Re: MST3K of "The Silence of Bush" [message #231153 ] |
Mi, 08 März 2006 04:38 |
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John VanSickle escribió:
Too bad Ron had been stupefied. he could have come up with something
interesting about this:
> > Let's hope one of the questions the president asked after the
> > catastrophe was whether he had asked the right questions before it.
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