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Science Fiction » alt.fan.starwars » Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 2
| Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 2 [message #188217] |
Fr, 23 Dezember 2005 13:44 |
|
INT. BESPIN - ORPHANAGE
(Wedge finishes up his Santa costume in a dingy supply closet and walks
out. A young girl runs in his direction. Wedge opens his arms expecting
a hug, but the girl runs past her to greet Lobot, who was standing by
the door. Wedge shakes his head and walks away.)
Wedge: I passed up a Corellian ski trip for this?
(Montage set to a peppy "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" begins)
(The droids are in a clothing store. Artoo projects a life-size
hologram of Luke. Both hold up an atrocious sweater next to it, arguing
over whose is the better choice. Both walk/roll away.)
(Quick cuts of Santa Wedge dealing with a crying kid, then a kid who
sneezes on him, then a kid who drops ice cream on him, then a kid who's
wet his pants.)
(Han positions himself on the edge of the roof and calls for help.
Chewie runs to get a ladder then climbs it. Chewie and the ladder fall
backward. Han rolls his eyes and casually climbs back onto the roof.)
(Close-up of a lone OT-era Obi-Wan Kenobi doll on a shelf. We see
Artoo's claw reach out to grab it, then a furry hand grabs it from the
other side. We zoom out to see Artoo and an Ewok fight over it, and the
Ewoks walks away with it. Threepio reacts in disappointment.)
(Lando signs a photo and hands it to a kid. Luke swings a toy
lightsaber and hands it to another kid. Another kid pulls off Wedge's
beard and runs off with it.)
(Han stands in the middle of the street, waving and smiling at Chewie,
who's checking the mail and sporting a sling. Leia drives a speeder in
Han's direction, pretending to be distracted by a datapad. Chewie runs
over to rescue Han but is himself hit by another speeder in the first
lane. Leia is surprised and turns back to see Chewie's flying body, and
ends up hitting Han. Leia sees Han's flying body and gasps in horror.)
(A saleswoman sprays perfume into Artoo's face, who turns his head and
sprays it back out. Pan over to another saleswoman applying powder and
blush to a squirming and flailing Threepio. End of montage.)
INT. BESPIN - ORPHANAGE
Kid: Hey, you're not Santa! You're Wedge Antilles! Commander of Rogue
Squadron!
Wedge (apathetic): No, I am indeed Santa Claus. Hohoho.
Kid: I don't understand why *you* didn't get a medal at the Battle of
Yavin! You put your life on the line the whole time, but they give one
to Han who comes in at the last second? And how come they let Luke lead
you and Biggs into the trench run attack? You had more experience than
he did! He hadn't even *flown* an X-Wing before!
Wedge (muttering): Yeah, they'll let some farmkid fly his-- I mean...
I'm Santa Claus! What would you like me to get you, son?
Kid: And how come in the Battle of Endor, they had Lando lead the
fleet? He hadn't even been in the Rebellion for five minutes, and they
make him a General! You should've been a general by then! You're the
best!
Wedge (quietly): Hey, thanks, kid. It's been a pretty rough career for
me, but... I'm glad I have supporters like you.
(Awkward pause. Kid's face wrinkles up.)
Kid: Why do you smell like Wookiee fur??
(Wedge stares off blankly. Pan over to Luke and Lobot.)
Luke: Well, I have to say I had a *great* time, Lobot. But I've noticed
you keep pretty quiet most of the time. I guess you like to just hang
out in the background and let guys like Lando get all the glory?
Lobot: No, it's just hard to get a word in edgewise with that
insufferable prattling bastard!
(Luke raises his eyebrows in complete surprise as Lobot storms off.)
INT. CORUSCANT. HOUSE - HAN AND LEIA'S ROOM
Leia: Well, I guess our little idea didn't work after all.
Han (mumbling to himself): I can't believe he's survived 200 years...
Leia: You know what? It's okay. Chewie can stay with us for as long as
he likes. I guess he could always take care of the kids.
(Both stop and shake their heads and laugh.)
Han: I'm not sure the Alliance's health care plan would be able to
cover it all.
Leia: You know, maybe we should've just stayed here and had holiday
dinner by ourselves.
Han: You were the one who insisted we go with Chewie to Kashyyyk. "You
have to have holiday dinner with family!" (lamenting) Yeah... Well, I
never did have my own family growing up. And of course, *your* father
was evil, so--
Leia: I've told you a thousand times, Han! He wasn't... "evil." He was
seduced by the Dark Side! He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became
Darth Vader. When that happened...
Han: "The good man who was your father was destroyed." Yeah yeah, I
know.
(Awkward pause. Han wraps an arm around Leia.)
Han: Well, we finally got some time to ourselves... So howsabout you
get seduced by the "Han side"...
Leia (giggling): Oh, Han...
(Chewie barges in excitedly. He now has a crutch along with the sling.
Han and Leia are frustrated. Chewie barks.)
Han: Hey, looks like everybody's back home.
INT. CORUSCANT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
(Luke, Lando, Wedge, and the droids mingle as they open gifts)
Luke: Now remember guys, you can only open one tonight.
(Lando sheepishly puts back one of the two gifts he's holding. Wedge
opens a package and pulls out a mug.)
Wedge: "The Best Starpilot in the Galaxy." Gee, thanks, Lando! I guess
I was wrong about you guys... I really--
Lando: Hey, how'd you get that? Aw, I must've switched the tags! This
was for Han!
(Wedge is stunned, staring off blankly. Camera pans to Leia, Han, and
Chewie as they enter.)
Han: Hey guys! Welcome home!
(The group exchanges greetings and hugs, and continue opening gifts.)
Threepio: Master Luke, may I humbly suggest that you open the gift
Artoo and I acquired for you?
Luke: Sure. Let's see what we got here... I hope it's a power
convertor! I never could get enough of those things...
(Artoo and Threepio exchange glances. Luke opens the package. It's a
holographic picture of Padme and Anakin. Luke is overwhelmed and
glances at Leia, who smiles and walks over to him.)
Luke: It's mother and father. How did you get this?
Threepio: Artoo remembered an old astromech colleague who served the
Naboo royalty many years ago. We went to visit him after our shopping,
where he was now in the service of a Mister Typho, who had been Miss
Padme's bodyguard during the Clone Wars. We thought this would be an
ideal gift for you, Master Luke, and he was kind enough to let us have
it.
Leia: It's wonderful, Threepio.
Threepio: Mister Typho had so many delightful stories of your mother...
(Artoo whistles)
Threepio: Yes, he even made me appear speechless, didn't he?
Luke: I don't know what to say, guys. Thank you, both.
Threepio: Oh, you're quite welcome, Master Luke!
(Awkward silence. Han sits on the couch, finishing up a sip of eggnog.)
Han: Your mom was pretty hot.
Leia: Han!
Han: What?
Lando: Uh oh! I think Leia's about to move into attack position! Let's
call it a night, guys.
Luke: Happy holidays, everyone.
(Lando, Luke, and the droids walk out, a disgruntled Wedge trailing
them.)
Wedge: You got me a *beaded seat cover*?!
Leia: ...So, my dad was "evil," and now my mom was "hot"??
Han: C'mon, it's just a joke, I was-- ow!!
Leia: Well, I do hope Santa doesn't interrupt your slumber tonight!
Han (glances down): Wait... You're not making me sleep on the couch
again?!
Leia: "Happy Holidays"... "Honey."
(Leia walks out, turning off the room light. Han is left alone, barely
lit by the tree lights.)
Han: C'mon, Leia! W-where's your holiday spirit?!
Leia (taunting): Good night!
(Extra long pause as Han realizes how dark it is.)
Han: Can you at least bring me my Ewok doll??
-----
PROMO GROUP SHOT:
Luke voiceover: Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.
-----
COMMERCIAL:
Zek Porkins: Hello, I'm Zek Porkins. Five years ago, my brother Jek
died while fighting at the Battle of Yavin. Little did any of us know
at the time, faulty manufacturing was mostly to blame, and his death
could have been avoided. Since then, my brother Dek and I have
dedicated our lives to helping victims all across the galaxy. If you've
been injured in an accident, contact us at the law offices of Tarpals,
Porkins, and Porkins, and you'll receive a FREE consultation. Thank
you.
Tarpals, Porkins, and Porkins: Have a safe and happy holiday season.
COMMERCIAL:
Female news anchor: Tonight on RBN Action News: Authorities are asking
for your help tonight in their hunt for a homicidal ex-stormtrooper
who's on the loose in the outer rim. (mugshot of Jango clone)
Weatherman: I'm Skip Ti and I'm here at Mon Mothma High, where they're
making preparations for the first annual New Republic Baking
Competition! It's warm and toasty inside, but will the blizzard outside
stick around for the next 24 hours? I'll have the answer!
Sports guy: I'm Johnny Fortuna with sports. The Coruscant Cruisers go
on a road trip as they try to end their 10-game skid against the Kessel
Runners. Plus, there was a big droidfight rematch tonight at the Organa
Arena. Did IG-88 hold on to his title once again, or did X-3PO get his
revenge? I'll have all the highlights!
Male news anchor: Plus, people have speculated for days, but Core World
Weekly has selected its Person of the Year! Who is it? Here's a hint:
He's not bad behind the controls of an X-Wing... and he's pretty handy
with a lightsaber! We'll have an exclusive interview with the honoree!
All this and more, tonight at 2300 hours, right after "The Order."
-----
PROMO/END CREDITS:
Wacky voiceover: Next week on "Rebel Roomies"! Leia sets up Luke on a
blind date!
Leia: We were in a leadership program together back on Alderaan, and
I've arranged for you two to have dinner tonight at Club Windu's!
Voiceover: But Luke will end up going on a *double* date of sorts!
Threepio: Master Luke, I ran into a most attractive young lady from
Tatooine, and she instructed me to have you take her to a movie at the
Galactic City Multiplex tonight! Isn't this wonderful?
Luke (at dinner): Excuse me, I have to go make a phone call!
Luke (at movie): Excuse me, I... need to get some popcorn!
Luke (at dinner): Excuse me, I... need to recharge my lightsaber!
Voiceover: Plus, it's pod racing season again, and the guys are going
to find that attending an event in person can be a real drag!
(Han, Lando, Wedge, and Artoo wearing gaudy dresses and big hats)
Han: It's ladies night, and we're getting in for free!
Leia: I have idiots for roommates.
-----
PROMO GROUP SHOT
Dramatic voiceover: An all new episode of "The Order" is coming up, on
RBN.
Another voiceover: Previously on "The Order."
Ki-Adi-Mundi: The border dispute on Dantooine has been resolved
swiftly, Master Yoda, and we should be home just in time for the
holidays.
(ship is shot down)
Yaddle: Under attack, we are! Unable to maintain altitude, I am!!
Saesee Tiin: Ejeeect!!
Valorum: Koon is a loose cannon! This negative publicity is going to
end now! Have him turn in his badge and lightsaber!
Windu: Koon may not always play by the rules, Chancellor, but he gets
results!
Valorum: Dammit! I want him expelled from the Jedi Order, do you
understand me, Windu?!
Windu: If he goes... I go!
Padawan: I don't know how long I can keep our love a secret. But if I
have to give up my dreams of being a Jedi Knight, I'm willing to do
that. For us.
Girl: I think you may have to... I'm pregnant.
-----
WIshing you what you wish yourself for Christmas,
Ken
|
|
|
| Re: Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 2 [message #190386 ] |
Fr, 23 Dezember 2005 18:39 |
|
You have too much time on your hands dude....unfortunately I don't have
enough and could only read about half of it....it was good but a bit like
George Lucas - could do with a good editor!
<kmaeda9 [at] att.net> wrote in message
news:1135345631.701842.83750 [at] g47g2000cwa.googlegroups.com...
>
> INT. BESPIN - ORPHANAGE
>
> (Wedge finishes up his Santa costume in a dingy supply closet and walks
> out. A young girl runs in his direction. Wedge opens his arms expecting
> a hug, but the girl runs past her to greet Lobot, who was standing by
> the door. Wedge shakes his head and walks away.)
>
> Wedge: I passed up a Corellian ski trip for this?
>
> (Montage set to a peppy "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" begins)
>
> (The droids are in a clothing store. Artoo projects a life-size
> hologram of Luke. Both hold up an atrocious sweater next to it, arguing
> over whose is the better choice. Both walk/roll away.)
>
> (Quick cuts of Santa Wedge dealing with a crying kid, then a kid who
> sneezes on him, then a kid who drops ice cream on him, then a kid who's
> wet his pants.)
>
> (Han positions himself on the edge of the roof and calls for help.
> Chewie runs to get a ladder then climbs it. Chewie and the ladder fall
> backward. Han rolls his eyes and casually climbs back onto the roof.)
>
> (Close-up of a lone OT-era Obi-Wan Kenobi doll on a shelf. We see
> Artoo's claw reach out to grab it, then a furry hand grabs it from the
> other side. We zoom out to see Artoo and an Ewok fight over it, and the
> Ewoks walks away with it. Threepio reacts in disappointment.)
>
> (Lando signs a photo and hands it to a kid. Luke swings a toy
> lightsaber and hands it to another kid. Another kid pulls off Wedge's
> beard and runs off with it.)
>
> (Han stands in the middle of the street, waving and smiling at Chewie,
> who's checking the mail and sporting a sling. Leia drives a speeder in
> Han's direction, pretending to be distracted by a datapad. Chewie runs
> over to rescue Han but is himself hit by another speeder in the first
> lane. Leia is surprised and turns back to see Chewie's flying body, and
> ends up hitting Han. Leia sees Han's flying body and gasps in horror.)
>
> (A saleswoman sprays perfume into Artoo's face, who turns his head and
> sprays it back out. Pan over to another saleswoman applying powder and
> blush to a squirming and flailing Threepio. End of montage.)
>
>
> INT. BESPIN - ORPHANAGE
>
> Kid: Hey, you're not Santa! You're Wedge Antilles! Commander of Rogue
> Squadron!
>
> Wedge (apathetic): No, I am indeed Santa Claus. Hohoho.
>
> Kid: I don't understand why *you* didn't get a medal at the Battle of
> Yavin! You put your life on the line the whole time, but they give one
> to Han who comes in at the last second? And how come they let Luke lead
> you and Biggs into the trench run attack? You had more experience than
> he did! He hadn't even *flown* an X-Wing before!
>
> Wedge (muttering): Yeah, they'll let some farmkid fly his-- I mean...
> I'm Santa Claus! What would you like me to get you, son?
>
> Kid: And how come in the Battle of Endor, they had Lando lead the
> fleet? He hadn't even been in the Rebellion for five minutes, and they
> make him a General! You should've been a general by then! You're the
> best!
>
> Wedge (quietly): Hey, thanks, kid. It's been a pretty rough career for
> me, but... I'm glad I have supporters like you.
>
> (Awkward pause. Kid's face wrinkles up.)
>
> Kid: Why do you smell like Wookiee fur??
>
> (Wedge stares off blankly. Pan over to Luke and Lobot.)
>
> Luke: Well, I have to say I had a *great* time, Lobot. But I've noticed
> you keep pretty quiet most of the time. I guess you like to just hang
> out in the background and let guys like Lando get all the glory?
>
> Lobot: No, it's just hard to get a word in edgewise with that
> insufferable prattling bastard!
>
> (Luke raises his eyebrows in complete surprise as Lobot storms off.)
>
>
>
> INT. CORUSCANT. HOUSE - HAN AND LEIA'S ROOM
>
> Leia: Well, I guess our little idea didn't work after all.
>
> Han (mumbling to himself): I can't believe he's survived 200 years...
>
> Leia: You know what? It's okay. Chewie can stay with us for as long as
> he likes. I guess he could always take care of the kids.
>
> (Both stop and shake their heads and laugh.)
>
> Han: I'm not sure the Alliance's health care plan would be able to
> cover it all.
>
> Leia: You know, maybe we should've just stayed here and had holiday
> dinner by ourselves.
>
> Han: You were the one who insisted we go with Chewie to Kashyyyk. "You
> have to have holiday dinner with family!" (lamenting) Yeah... Well, I
> never did have my own family growing up. And of course, *your* father
> was evil, so--
>
> Leia: I've told you a thousand times, Han! He wasn't... "evil." He was
> seduced by the Dark Side! He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became
> Darth Vader. When that happened...
>
> Han: "The good man who was your father was destroyed." Yeah yeah, I
> know.
>
> (Awkward pause. Han wraps an arm around Leia.)
>
> Han: Well, we finally got some time to ourselves... So howsabout you
> get seduced by the "Han side"...
>
> Leia (giggling): Oh, Han...
>
> (Chewie barges in excitedly. He now has a crutch along with the sling.
> Han and Leia are frustrated. Chewie barks.)
>
> Han: Hey, looks like everybody's back home.
>
>
> INT. CORUSCANT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
>
> (Luke, Lando, Wedge, and the droids mingle as they open gifts)
>
> Luke: Now remember guys, you can only open one tonight.
>
> (Lando sheepishly puts back one of the two gifts he's holding. Wedge
> opens a package and pulls out a mug.)
>
> Wedge: "The Best Starpilot in the Galaxy." Gee, thanks, Lando! I guess
> I was wrong about you guys... I really--
>
> Lando: Hey, how'd you get that? Aw, I must've switched the tags! This
> was for Han!
>
> (Wedge is stunned, staring off blankly. Camera pans to Leia, Han, and
> Chewie as they enter.)
>
> Han: Hey guys! Welcome home!
>
> (The group exchanges greetings and hugs, and continue opening gifts.)
>
> Threepio: Master Luke, may I humbly suggest that you open the gift
> Artoo and I acquired for you?
>
> Luke: Sure. Let's see what we got here... I hope it's a power
> convertor! I never could get enough of those things...
>
> (Artoo and Threepio exchange glances. Luke opens the package. It's a
> holographic picture of Padme and Anakin. Luke is overwhelmed and
> glances at Leia, who smiles and walks over to him.)
>
> Luke: It's mother and father. How did you get this?
>
> Threepio: Artoo remembered an old astromech colleague who served the
> Naboo royalty many years ago. We went to visit him after our shopping,
> where he was now in the service of a Mister Typho, who had been Miss
> Padme's bodyguard during the Clone Wars. We thought this would be an
> ideal gift for you, Master Luke, and he was kind enough to let us have
> it.
>
> Leia: It's wonderful, Threepio.
>
> Threepio: Mister Typho had so many delightful stories of your mother...
>
> (Artoo whistles)
>
> Threepio: Yes, he even made me appear speechless, didn't he?
>
> Luke: I don't know what to say, guys. Thank you, both.
>
> Threepio: Oh, you're quite welcome, Master Luke!
>
> (Awkward silence. Han sits on the couch, finishing up a sip of eggnog.)
>
> Han: Your mom was pretty hot.
>
> Leia: Han!
>
> Han: What?
>
> Lando: Uh oh! I think Leia's about to move into attack position! Let's
> call it a night, guys.
>
> Luke: Happy holidays, everyone.
>
> (Lando, Luke, and the droids walk out, a disgruntled Wedge trailing
> them.)
>
> Wedge: You got me a *beaded seat cover*?!
>
> Leia: ...So, my dad was "evil," and now my mom was "hot"??
>
> Han: C'mon, it's just a joke, I was-- ow!!
>
> Leia: Well, I do hope Santa doesn't interrupt your slumber tonight!
>
> Han (glances down): Wait... You're not making me sleep on the couch
> again?!
>
> Leia: "Happy Holidays"... "Honey."
>
> (Leia walks out, turning off the room light. Han is left alone, barely
> lit by the tree lights.)
>
> Han: C'mon, Leia! W-where's your holiday spirit?!
>
> Leia (taunting): Good night!
>
> (Extra long pause as Han realizes how dark it is.)
>
> Han: Can you at least bring me my Ewok doll??
>
>
> -----
>
> PROMO GROUP SHOT:
>
> Luke voiceover: Stay tuned for scenes from our next episode.
>
>
> -----
>
> COMMERCIAL:
>
> Zek Porkins: Hello, I'm Zek Porkins. Five years ago, my brother Jek
> died while fighting at the Battle of Yavin. Little did any of us know
> at the time, faulty manufacturing was mostly to blame, and his death
> could have been avoided. Since then, my brother Dek and I have
> dedicated our lives to helping victims all across the galaxy. If you've
> been injured in an accident, contact us at the law offices of Tarpals,
> Porkins, and Porkins, and you'll receive a FREE consultation. Thank
> you.
>
> Tarpals, Porkins, and Porkins: Have a safe and happy holiday season.
>
>
>
> COMMERCIAL:
>
> Female news anchor: Tonight on RBN Action News: Authorities are asking
> for your help tonight in their hunt for a homicidal ex-stormtrooper
> who's on the loose in the outer rim. (mugshot of Jango clone)
>
> Weatherman: I'm Skip Ti and I'm here at Mon Mothma High, where they're
> making preparations for the first annual New Republic Baking
> Competition! It's warm and toasty inside, but will the blizzard outside
> stick around for the next 24 hours? I'll have the answer!
>
> Sports guy: I'm Johnny Fortuna with sports. The Coruscant Cruisers go
> on a road trip as they try to end their 10-game skid against the Kessel
> Runners. Plus, there was a big droidfight rematch tonight at the Organa
> Arena. Did IG-88 hold on to his title once again, or did X-3PO get his
> revenge? I'll have all the highlights!
>
> Male news anchor: Plus, people have speculated for days, but Core World
> Weekly has selected its Person of the Year! Who is it? Here's a hint:
> He's not bad behind the controls of an X-Wing... and he's pretty handy
> with a lightsaber! We'll have an exclusive interview with the honoree!
> All this and more, tonight at 2300 hours, right after "The Order."
>
>
> -----
>
> PROMO/END CREDITS:
>
> Wacky voiceover: Next week on "Rebel Roomies"! Leia sets up Luke on a
> blind date!
>
> Leia: We were in a leadership program together back on Alderaan, and
> I've arranged for you two to have dinner tonight at Club Windu's!
>
> Voiceover: But Luke will end up going on a *double* date of sorts!
>
> Threepio: Master Luke, I ran into a most attractive young lady from
> Tatooine, and she instructed me to have you take her to a movie at the
> Galactic City Multiplex tonight! Isn't this wonderful?
>
> Luke (at dinner): Excuse me, I have to go make a phone call!
>
> Luke (at movie): Excuse me, I... need to get some popcorn!
>
> Luke (at dinner): Excuse me, I... need to recharge my lightsaber!
>
> Voiceover: Plus, it's pod racing season again, and the guys are going
> to find that attending an event in person can be a real drag!
>
> (Han, Lando, Wedge, and Artoo wearing gaudy dresses and big hats)
>
> Han: It's ladies night, and we're getting in for free!
>
> Leia: I have idiots for roommates.
>
>
> -----
>
> PROMO GROUP SHOT
>
> Dramatic voiceover: An all new episode of "The Order" is coming up, on
> RBN.
>
> Another voiceover: Previously on "The Order."
>
>
> Ki-Adi-Mundi: The border dispute on Dantooine has been resolved
> swiftly, Master Yoda, and we should be home just in time for the
> holidays.
>
> (ship is shot down)
>
> Yaddle: Under attack, we are! Unable to maintain altitude, I am!!
>
> Saesee Tiin: Ejeeect!!
>
>
> Valorum: Koon is a loose cannon! This negative publicity is going to
> end now! Have him turn in his badge and lightsaber!
>
> Windu: Koon may not always play by the rules, Chancellor, but he gets
> results!
>
> Valorum: Dammit! I want him expelled from the Jedi Order, do you
> understand me, Windu?!
>
> Windu: If he goes... I go!
>
>
> Padawan: I don't know how long I can keep our love a secret. But if I
> have to give up my dreams of being a Jedi Knight, I'm willing to do
> that. For us.
>
> Girl: I think you may have to... I'm pregnant.
>
> -----
>
>
>
> WIshing you what you wish yourself for Christmas,
> Ken
>
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