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Science Fiction » alt.fan.starwars » Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 1
| Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 1 [message #188215] |
Fr, 23 Dezember 2005 13:44 |
|
Think of this as a screenplay for an animated version of a Star Wars
sitcom. Part Flintsones, part Ozzie and Harriet. I opted not make any
indications for the canned laughter, which would indicate where you're
"supposed" to laugh.
Enjoy?
PROMO GROUP SHOT:
Wacky Voiceover: Get ready for all the laughs 'cause an all-new episode
of "Rebel Roomies" is coming up next, right here on the Republic
Broadcast Network!
-----
EXT. SPACE.
INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - COCKPIT
Leia (walks in, joins Han): Well, Han, having a holiday dinner with
Chewie's family was certainly interesting. Personally, I'd suggest they
use *hairnets* the next time we visit, but that probably wouldn't...
Han, what are you-- mynock pie? Oh, how can you keep eating that??
Han (slobbering and defensive): What? I grew up on this stuff! They
gave us a whole crate full of it. It's back in the--
Leia: I'll pass, thank you.
Han (continues eating): Suit yourself.
Leia (pauses): Han, I think we need to talk about Chewie. I mean, he's
a wonderful friend and everything, but... you and I *did* get engaged
after the war ended several months ago, and even though we're rooming
with Luke, Lando, Wedge, and the droids on Coruscant, we'll have to
move out someday. What will happen when we get married? Have kids?
Because... well... Chewie just can't stay with us forever.
Han (stops eating): But... He *has* a life debt, Leia. Ever since I
freed him from the Empire, it's always been like this. He doesn't
really have a choice.
Leia: But can't you... cancel it? Or reverse it? What if... I don't
know... He saves *your* life or something?
Han: Save *my* life? How do you expect that to ever happen... Hey,
wait. I know. Yeah... See, all we gotta do is--
(Chewie interrupts and barks excitedly.)
Han (laughs nervously): H-heyyy, yeah. We *did* have a great time,
didn't we, Leia?
Chewie gives each a headlock and nudges them, laughing. Leia gives Han
a dirty look. Han pretends to chuckle with Chewie and shrugs at Leia
with a look of chagrin.
OPENING TITLES/THEME SONG
-----
COMMERCIAL:
Loud voiceover: New Year's Eve! At the Organa Arena! One night only!
Hard rock song: "Shot another Hutt dead, another bounty on my head...!"
V/O: It's the biggest concert of the millennium!
Folksy acoustic: "Your targeting computer is locked on to my heart..."
V/O: "The Homing Beacons" Reunion Tour!
Piano ballad: "Love can topple an Empire..."
V/O: Tickets available at the box office, and all Howlin' Krayt Music
locations!
Hard rock: "Don't shoot at me 'cause I'm a... Death Star Commander!"
V/O: "The Homing Beacons" Reunion Tour! New Year's Eve!
Folksy: "I've got a lovely feeling about this..."
V/O: Be there!
COMMERCIAL:
Voiceover: Stay "Up Late with Lando" after your local news! Tonight,
Lando's got two of his "Rebel Roomies," Han Solo and Chewbacca!
Han: Y'know, I've always meant to ask, but back when I got frozen by
Vader, I'd asked this guy to watch over Leia. Then it turns out that he
*left* her behind with Luke and hung out with *you*! ...What happened?
(Lando laughs, Chewie shakes his head)
Voiceover: Then he's got best-selling author Lama Su, and a rockin'
performance by the Womprats!
Voiceover (quickly): And then catch Jar Jar, 'cause he's got pod race
commentator Ben Quadinaros!
-----
INT. BESPIN - ORPHANAGE
(Lando, Luke, and Wedge walk in, joining Lobot)
Luke: Wow, look at how excited all the kids are. And you do this every
year?
Lando: Yeah, me and Lobot here always like to give back to the
community, you know? Especially around this time of the year. Ain't
that right, Lobot?
Lando (cutting off Lobot): Hehe, yeah, this guy's *always* helping out!
It's like, he's Mr. Charity! Ahahaha! You just can't keep him away! The
stories I could tell you guys...
(The others exchange glances. Lobot shakes his head and walks away.)
Wedge: Well, uh, what'd you have planned for us here?
Lando: I dunno, I figured we'd sign a few things, take pictures, you
know.
Luke: Sounds great. I'm up for it.
Female assistant: Mr. Calrissian, our Santa just called in sick. The
kids were so looking forward to seeing him, and I don't know how we can
find a replacement--
Lando: Whoa whoa, relax. We'll see what we can do. Maybe... one of them
can fill in (gestures to Luke and Wedge) because, well, I may be good
at many things: Business. Gambling. Flying... Corellian swoop racing...
Acting... Loving... But, uhhh, playing Santa Claus? Not on the list.
Luke: Well, I suppose I could fill in and--
Assistant: Actually, the kids were really looking forward to seeing
you, too, sir. You know, being a Jedi and a war hero and all. (small
laugh)
Lando: Hey, that settles it then. Antilles is our Santa for the day.
Wedge: Wait a second! I may not be a... "Jedi." (sarcastic hand
gestures) But I had my moments in battle! Like the time I--
Assistant: We have a suit and a beard, but we don't really have any
padding or anything...
Luke (sheepish): Uhhh, I... I have a bag of Wookiee fur back in the
ship.
Lando: Why do you have a bag of Wookiee fur back in the ship?
Luke (annoyed): Long story short, I left a bag with my Jedi training
gear on the "Falcon," Chewie was giving himself a little trim,
apparently he thought my bag was--
Lando: Okay okay, we get the idea. Just... go get it. And... Let's get
this party started!
INT. CORUSCANT MALL
(Artoo and Threepio walk among a packed crowd, the former towing
several bags, the latter only holding a datapad)
Threepio: I say, Artoo, we are quite close to completing our holiday
shopping! And I must compliment you on your choice of capes for Lando.
(Artoo whistles his thanks)
Threepio (checking his datapad): Oh, now all we have left is Master
Luke. I have always found him to be most difficult to choose gifts for.
Wouldn't you agree, Artoo?
(Artoo agrees)
Threepio: Yes, he did seem to enjoy that home vaporator kit quite a
bit, didn't he? But whatever shall we purchase this year?
(Artoo responds)
Threepio: Artoo-Detoo, you know how I feel about gift certificates! So
tacky and impersonal! And one for a heavy-blaster dealer would not suit
Master Luke in the least!
(Artoo raspberries and mumbles)
Threepio: Hmph. I find it very unlikely that *you* were programmed with
*any* more "holiday spirit" than *me* or any *other* droid! The very
idea! Now, we had better find a more suitable gift, and quite soon! We
have less than two hours before the mall closes! I suggest we try this
electronics establishment.
(Artoo whistles)
Threepio: I don't think so, Artoo. Master Luke must already have more
power convertors than all the junk dealers in the galaxy combined...
EXT. CORUSCANT. HOUSE - FRONT YARD.
(Chewie is shovelling the driveway. Han screams off-screen. Chewie runs
to help, and discovers Han being attacked by a Wampa. In reality, Han
is wrestling with a giant Wampa lookalike made from household
materials. Chewie stops and tries to figure out what to do as Han
continues to scream. Han looks over and sees a real Wampa approaching
and startling Chewie. Han fires his blaster to scare the Wampa off.
Chewie breaks down and sobs. Leia approaches Han, who has a dejected
look.)
Leia (sarcastic): I hope you have a Plan B, "Master Yoda."
(fade to black)
-----
COMMERCIAL:
(A man walks into a living room and calls out to his wife)
Man: Come into the garage, honey. I want to show you something.
(They walk into a garage with a shiny new astromech droid in it.)
Man: Happy birthday!
(The woman smiles, covering her mouth in surprise. They embrace.)
Woman: Oh, sweetie! I love you!
Man: But that's not all. Show her, R5.
(The droid extends an arm from a compartment with a pendant.)
Voiceover: Show how much you love her, with our beautiful japor snippet
pendant. Lovingly hand-crafted from the finest materials in the galaxy.
Woman: They're both wonderful!
(The two hold up the pendant, embrace, and kiss. The droid whistles
approvingly.)
Voiceover: Give the one you love something to remember you by. Dorme
Jewelers. Naboo, Bespin, and Coruscant. And visit our new store on
Kamino: located just south of the Rishi Maze.
COMMERCIAL:
Dexter Jettster voiceover: On the next exciting episode of "The Big
Bounty Hunt 30: Hall of Fame Edition"! 4-LOM has a huge lead in the
race, but will he be able to hold on and take home the title?
4-LOM: I'm very confident that I'm the best one left. I know everyone
else is out to get me, but that's the price you pay for being on top.
Jettster V/O: Meanwhile, Zuckuss and Bossk form an uneasy partnership
to improve their chances. But will it last?
Zuckuss: Can I trust Bossk? Probably not. But, as a bounty hunter, you
don't get to where I've gotten without taking risks.
Jettster V/O: Things will heat up as we begin the Kessel Run portion of
the race, and we'll get even closer to deciding WHO will be crowned the
"Greatest of the Greatest!" Catch all of the thrilling non-stop action,
tomorrow at 20:00 hours, right here on RBN!
-----
To be continued...
Ken
|
|
|
| Re: Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 1 [message #190377 ] |
Fr, 23 Dezember 2005 16:12 |
|
"A life, get one you must, hmmmmmmm."
Sad to see that so many haven't experienced female genitalia since birth...
"Ken Maeda" <kmaeda9 [at] att.net> wrote in message
news:1135343465.423473.46380 [at] z14g2000cwz.googlegroups.com...
> Think of this as a screenplay for an animated version of a Star Wars
> sitcom. Part Flintsones, part Ozzie and Harriet. I opted not make any
> indications for the canned laughter, which would indicate where you're
> "supposed" to laugh.
>
> Enjoy?
>
>
>
> PROMO GROUP SHOT:
>
> Wacky Voiceover: Get ready for all the laughs 'cause an all-new episode
> of "Rebel Roomies" is coming up next, right here on the Republic
> Broadcast Network!
>
>
> -----
>
> EXT. SPACE.
>
> INT. MILLENNIUM FALCON - COCKPIT
>
> Leia (walks in, joins Han): Well, Han, having a holiday dinner with
> Chewie's family was certainly interesting. Personally, I'd suggest they
> use *hairnets* the next time we visit, but that probably wouldn't...
> Han, what are you-- mynock pie? Oh, how can you keep eating that??
>
> Han (slobbering and defensive): What? I grew up on this stuff! They
> gave us a whole crate full of it. It's back in the--
>
> Leia: I'll pass, thank you.
>
> Han (continues eating): Suit yourself.
>
> Leia (pauses): Han, I think we need to talk about Chewie. I mean, he's
> a wonderful friend and everything, but... you and I *did* get engaged
> after the war ended several months ago, and even though we're rooming
> with Luke, Lando, Wedge, and the droids on Coruscant, we'll have to
> move out someday. What will happen when we get married? Have kids?
> Because... well... Chewie just can't stay with us forever.
>
> Han (stops eating): But... He *has* a life debt, Leia. Ever since I
> freed him from the Empire, it's always been like this. He doesn't
> really have a choice.
>
> Leia: But can't you... cancel it? Or reverse it? What if... I don't
> know... He saves *your* life or something?
>
> Han: Save *my* life? How do you expect that to ever happen... Hey,
> wait. I know. Yeah... See, all we gotta do is--
>
> (Chewie interrupts and barks excitedly.)
>
> Han (laughs nervously): H-heyyy, yeah. We *did* have a great time,
> didn't we, Leia?
>
> Chewie gives each a headlock and nudges them, laughing. Leia gives Han
> a dirty look. Han pretends to chuckle with Chewie and shrugs at Leia
> with a look of chagrin.
>
>
> OPENING TITLES/THEME SONG
>
>
> -----
>
> COMMERCIAL:
>
> Loud voiceover: New Year's Eve! At the Organa Arena! One night only!
>
> Hard rock song: "Shot another Hutt dead, another bounty on my head...!"
>
> V/O: It's the biggest concert of the millennium!
>
> Folksy acoustic: "Your targeting computer is locked on to my heart..."
>
> V/O: "The Homing Beacons" Reunion Tour!
>
> Piano ballad: "Love can topple an Empire..."
>
> V/O: Tickets available at the box office, and all Howlin' Krayt Music
> locations!
>
> Hard rock: "Don't shoot at me 'cause I'm a... Death Star Commander!"
>
> V/O: "The Homing Beacons" Reunion Tour! New Year's Eve!
>
> Folksy: "I've got a lovely feeling about this..."
>
> V/O: Be there!
>
>
>
> COMMERCIAL:
>
> Voiceover: Stay "Up Late with Lando" after your local news! Tonight,
> Lando's got two of his "Rebel Roomies," Han Solo and Chewbacca!
>
> Han: Y'know, I've always meant to ask, but back when I got frozen by
> Vader, I'd asked this guy to watch over Leia. Then it turns out that he
> *left* her behind with Luke and hung out with *you*! ...What happened?
>
> (Lando laughs, Chewie shakes his head)
>
> Voiceover: Then he's got best-selling author Lama Su, and a rockin'
> performance by the Womprats!
>
> Voiceover (quickly): And then catch Jar Jar, 'cause he's got pod race
> commentator Ben Quadinaros!
>
> -----
>
> INT. BESPIN - ORPHANAGE
>
> (Lando, Luke, and Wedge walk in, joining Lobot)
>
> Luke: Wow, look at how excited all the kids are. And you do this every
> year?
>
> Lando: Yeah, me and Lobot here always like to give back to the
> community, you know? Especially around this time of the year. Ain't
> that right, Lobot?
>
> Lando (cutting off Lobot): Hehe, yeah, this guy's *always* helping out!
> It's like, he's Mr. Charity! Ahahaha! You just can't keep him away! The
> stories I could tell you guys...
>
> (The others exchange glances. Lobot shakes his head and walks away.)
>
> Wedge: Well, uh, what'd you have planned for us here?
>
> Lando: I dunno, I figured we'd sign a few things, take pictures, you
> know.
>
> Luke: Sounds great. I'm up for it.
>
> Female assistant: Mr. Calrissian, our Santa just called in sick. The
> kids were so looking forward to seeing him, and I don't know how we can
> find a replacement--
>
> Lando: Whoa whoa, relax. We'll see what we can do. Maybe... one of them
> can fill in (gestures to Luke and Wedge) because, well, I may be good
> at many things: Business. Gambling. Flying... Corellian swoop racing...
> Acting... Loving... But, uhhh, playing Santa Claus? Not on the list.
>
> Luke: Well, I suppose I could fill in and--
>
> Assistant: Actually, the kids were really looking forward to seeing
> you, too, sir. You know, being a Jedi and a war hero and all. (small
> laugh)
>
> Lando: Hey, that settles it then. Antilles is our Santa for the day.
>
> Wedge: Wait a second! I may not be a... "Jedi." (sarcastic hand
> gestures) But I had my moments in battle! Like the time I--
>
> Assistant: We have a suit and a beard, but we don't really have any
> padding or anything...
>
> Luke (sheepish): Uhhh, I... I have a bag of Wookiee fur back in the
> ship.
>
> Lando: Why do you have a bag of Wookiee fur back in the ship?
>
> Luke (annoyed): Long story short, I left a bag with my Jedi training
> gear on the "Falcon," Chewie was giving himself a little trim,
> apparently he thought my bag was--
>
> Lando: Okay okay, we get the idea. Just... go get it. And... Let's get
> this party started!
>
>
> INT. CORUSCANT MALL
>
> (Artoo and Threepio walk among a packed crowd, the former towing
> several bags, the latter only holding a datapad)
>
> Threepio: I say, Artoo, we are quite close to completing our holiday
> shopping! And I must compliment you on your choice of capes for Lando.
>
> (Artoo whistles his thanks)
>
> Threepio (checking his datapad): Oh, now all we have left is Master
> Luke. I have always found him to be most difficult to choose gifts for.
> Wouldn't you agree, Artoo?
>
> (Artoo agrees)
>
> Threepio: Yes, he did seem to enjoy that home vaporator kit quite a
> bit, didn't he? But whatever shall we purchase this year?
>
> (Artoo responds)
>
> Threepio: Artoo-Detoo, you know how I feel about gift certificates! So
> tacky and impersonal! And one for a heavy-blaster dealer would not suit
> Master Luke in the least!
>
> (Artoo raspberries and mumbles)
>
> Threepio: Hmph. I find it very unlikely that *you* were programmed with
> *any* more "holiday spirit" than *me* or any *other* droid! The very
> idea! Now, we had better find a more suitable gift, and quite soon! We
> have less than two hours before the mall closes! I suggest we try this
> electronics establishment.
>
> (Artoo whistles)
>
> Threepio: I don't think so, Artoo. Master Luke must already have more
> power convertors than all the junk dealers in the galaxy combined...
>
>
> EXT. CORUSCANT. HOUSE - FRONT YARD.
>
> (Chewie is shovelling the driveway. Han screams off-screen. Chewie runs
> to help, and discovers Han being attacked by a Wampa. In reality, Han
> is wrestling with a giant Wampa lookalike made from household
> materials. Chewie stops and tries to figure out what to do as Han
> continues to scream. Han looks over and sees a real Wampa approaching
> and startling Chewie. Han fires his blaster to scare the Wampa off.
> Chewie breaks down and sobs. Leia approaches Han, who has a dejected
> look.)
>
> Leia (sarcastic): I hope you have a Plan B, "Master Yoda."
>
> (fade to black)
>
>
> -----
>
> COMMERCIAL:
>
> (A man walks into a living room and calls out to his wife)
>
> Man: Come into the garage, honey. I want to show you something.
>
> (They walk into a garage with a shiny new astromech droid in it.)
>
> Man: Happy birthday!
>
> (The woman smiles, covering her mouth in surprise. They embrace.)
>
> Woman: Oh, sweetie! I love you!
>
> Man: But that's not all. Show her, R5.
>
> (The droid extends an arm from a compartment with a pendant.)
>
> Voiceover: Show how much you love her, with our beautiful japor snippet
> pendant. Lovingly hand-crafted from the finest materials in the galaxy.
>
> Woman: They're both wonderful!
>
> (The two hold up the pendant, embrace, and kiss. The droid whistles
>approvingly.)
>
> Voiceover: Give the one you love something to remember you by. Dorme
> Jewelers. Naboo, Bespin, and Coruscant. And visit our new store on
> Kamino: located just south of the Rishi Maze.
>
>
>
> COMMERCIAL:
>
> Dexter Jettster voiceover: On the next exciting episode of "The Big
> Bounty Hunt 30: Hall of Fame Edition"! 4-LOM has a huge lead in the
> race, but will he be able to hold on and take home the title?
>
> 4-LOM: I'm very confident that I'm the best one left. I know everyone
> else is out to get me, but that's the price you pay for being on top.
>
> Jettster V/O: Meanwhile, Zuckuss and Bossk form an uneasy partnership
> to improve their chances. But will it last?
>
> Zuckuss: Can I trust Bossk? Probably not. But, as a bounty hunter, you
> don't get to where I've gotten without taking risks.
>
> Jettster V/O: Things will heat up as we begin the Kessel Run portion of
> the race, and we'll get even closer to deciding WHO will be crowned the
> "Greatest of the Greatest!" Catch all of the thrilling non-stop action,
> tomorrow at 20:00 hours, right here on RBN!
>
> -----
>
>
> To be continued...
>
>
>
> Ken
>
|
|
|
| Re: Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 1 [message #190389 ] |
Fr, 23 Dezember 2005 20:50 |
|
"Everyperson" <jf#1 [at] rhcp.com> wrote in message
news:TNSdnXzDw4NFjjHenZ2dnUVZ_vudnZ2d [at] comcast.com...
> "A life, get one you must, hmmmmmmm."
>
> Sad to see that so many haven't experienced female genitalia since
> birth...
>
>
>
including you, you freaking nerd
|
|
|
| Re: Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 1 [message #190397 ] |
Fr, 23 Dezember 2005 22:44 |
|
The news had come out in the First World War: The bloody Red Baron was
flying wonce more. The Allied Command ignored all of its men, and
called on "Ken Maeda" to do it again!
>Wedge: Wait a second! I may not be a... "Jedi." (sarcastic hand
>gestures)
POTW.
|
|
|
| Re: Star Wars, the Sitcom: Holiday Episode, part 1 [message #190471 ] |
So, 25 Dezember 2005 05:40 |
|
Everyperson wrote:
> "A life, get one you must, hmmmmmmm."
"...He wrote on a Star Wars internet newsgroup, in Yoda-speak no less."
> Sad to see that so many haven't experienced female genitalia since birth...
Gosh, if I had known you were gonna give me an old insult that you'd
heard a year and a half ago, I would've given you one too. I feel
terrible. Maybe next year, friend!
Ken
|
|
|
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