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Science Fiction » alt.startrek » LOL one from the vaults - TOS musical
| LOL one from the vaults - TOS musical [message #180057] |
Di, 13 Dezember 2005 07:32 |
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Title: "Roddenberry's Classic STAR TREK Crew: The Musical"
Author: Laura Goodwin - http://allyourtrekarebelongto.us
Contact: kirksmyboy [at] allyourtrekarebelongto.us
Series: TOS
Part: 1/1
Rating: [PG]
Codes: TOS, FILK, Parody
Summary: Musical - songs FILKs of Beatles _Sergeant Pepper_ NOTE: This
is an unfinished collaborative work. Idea by Gamin Davis and Laura
Goodwin, story and editing by Laura Goodwin. Filks by Gamin Davis,
Laura Goodwin, "Alkallah", and (Your Name Here?) as noted, all rights
reserved. Feedback of all kinds welcome - ~flamers are lamers~
=================================
A chorus dressed in TOS uniforms and preposterous skimpy civilian
outfits dances on-stage and welcomes the main players (playing the TOS
regulars) to center stage. They adopt attentive and worshipful poses as
the Bridge crew sing:
1) "Roddenberry's Classic STAR TREK Crew" [GD]
It was forty years ago this year, Roddenberry made his mission clear:
Seek out new life and explore space, with crew gathered from every race.
So let's re-introduce to you The crew you've known for all these years:
Roddenberry's Classic STAR TREK crew!
We're Roddenberry's Classic STAR TREK crew; we're glad you still enjoy
our show. We're Roddenberry's Classic STAR TREK crew--Let your
imagination flow! Roddenberry's Classic, Roddenberry's Classic,
Roddenberry's Classic STAR TREK crew!
It's lovely to still be here; It's always been a blast. You're such a
loyal fandom that We'd like to beam you up with us--We'd love to beam
you up.
I know I shouldn't interrupt, but I thought you'd like a quick heads-up
The Captain's going to make a speech. He knows you love to hear him preach.
So let's re-introduce to you The one and only Captain Kirk And
Roddenberry's Classic STAR TREK crew! Cap...tain...Kirk!
These then step back and the lights go down, as a spot picks out Captain
Kirk and he sings:
2) "Beam Me Up, Mr. Scott" [LG]
I know you've heard I'm a swashbuckling guy Who knows no fear of an
angry foe. How can I be so brave? I cannot lie. Since you asked, I think
you ought to know...
I just say "Beam me up Mr. Scott... Save my ass! Beam me up Mr. Scott!"
I can't lose when I've got Mr. Scott.
When Mr. Scott and the ship aren't there I still sometimes get into a
spot. When I am grounded and odds aren't fair, There is someone besides
Mr. Scott
I can lean on my pal Mr. Spock He's a pal and a half, Mr. Spock He's
more handy than dear Mr. Scott!
(Don't you neeeeeed everybody?) You bet, all 400 plus! (Do you love
everybody?) I try, but that's between us!
Here we go: "Beam Me Up Mr. Scott" I just love to say "Beam me up,
Scott" All the time I say, "Beam me up, Scott."
He is magically transported off stage and next comes the ballet. A
fantasia where dancers act out brief famous scenes from the dear old
show as Chekov and chorus sing:
3) "Starship In the Sky With Dilithium" [GD]
Picture yourself on the Bridge of a Starship, wearing a uniform,
Starfleet design. Beside the command chair, Spock talks with the
Captain; McCoy lurks with mischief in mind. Myriad stars twinkle yellow
and blue, dancing through space before you. They call to you and the
rest of the crew, and you're off.
Chorus:
Starship in the sky with dilithium! Starship in the sky with dilithium!
Starship in the sky with dilithium! Ahhh...ahhh...
Picture yourself down with Kirk on a planet; Spock and McCoy have come
with you as well. Many Security men have been dying; Kirk watched as
another one fell. Mystery laser-fire, yellow and pink, grazes an
officer's hair; Kirk quickly orders a hasty retreat, and they're off.
(Repeat chorus.)
Picture yourself on shore leave at a starbase; Kirk is still trying to
get Spock to stay. McCoy is plotting illogical actions, recreation to
drive Spock away. Kirk chides him sternly, begs Spock to remain, then
warns McCoy to behave; McCoy then protests Spock's presence to Kirk, but
they're off.
(Repeat chorus ad nauseum, as dancers do their thing.)
Lights out. Lights come up in Sickbay, and Dr. McCoy musically explains
how he patches everybody up every week in:
"I Make 'Em Better All The Time.". [A]
I make em better all the time...
I used to get mad at the crew The messes those fools get into They were
wearing me down, but they'd all rebound And not one would say hey, thank
you You've got to admit I made em better And never once did I see a dime
You have to admit they got better
McCoy dances around sickbay, stumbling into some of the equipment
<spoken> I'm a doctor dammit not a chorus line!
He used to be a nameless young man He wore a red shirt as he planned
That blast I couldn't cure He's dead Jim, for sure But I'm doing the
best that I can. I've got to admit he didn't get better
Listen, my shore leave is long overdue But I won't let them beam me into
molecular goo I'm grouchy and mean, feel like a pointy eared machine
Guess I'll whip up a vaccine - me and christine Well, we'll down a mint
julep or two.
Now I admit I'm feeling better A little closer to cloud nine Yes I'll
admit it's gotten better Since I started getting more air time!
4) Lights up in mess hall, where (over coffee and donuts) Sulu welcomes
a timid new ensign by merrily explaining how things really are here
aboard the happy Enterprise in a song set to "Fixing a hole".
5) Lights up in Engineering. Scotty, after short conversation with
Captain Kirk, musically mourns being required to take shore leave when
he really just wants to hang around engineering reading his technical
manuals, in a song set to "She's leaving home". At the end of the song
something comes up that requires them to cancel shore leave and go save
the universe, and Scott is relieved.
Finally, we are on the bridge and all the familiar gang are in their
places. Captain Kirk musically rejoices that finally there is some
trouble so he can flex his muscles and act real butch and stuff, in the
big production number:
6) "We're Coming!". [LG]
(chorus) We're coming, we're coming, we're coming... yeah!
(Kirk:) What do you know, we got a call. Check your balls, boys! It's
about time we got some work. Time to make noise. I almost snored, I was
so bored. Hey now! What's there to say? We're on our way!
(Chorus)
(Female dancer trips over another dancer, grabs Kirk shirt as he tries
to break her fall, ripping it off. Kirk takes another shirt from a
stack of them that Yeoman Rand brings, and makes a big deal out of
donning it like a Chippendale's stripper thrown into reverse)
I'm in the mood, I'm good to go, man, I feel good! It's a great day to
vaporize guys who act rude. So we get hurt, or rip our shirts... It's
still funner'n play, plus we get paid!
(Chorus)
(Dancers do their thing. Suddenly Kirk rips off his own shirt.
Everything stops. Kirk explains:
[spoken] "Everything we use aboard this vessel was made by the lowest
bidder. Be grateful if the transporter EVER works!"
Song resumes...)
Somebody's going to have regrets, and it's *not us*! Somebody should've
thought of that before this fuss! This is my life: I'm like a knife!
Come on! Just bang the gong, let's get it on!
(Chorus, etc. while Kirk takes his time donning another shirt)
Focus on computer room, where Spock works busily performing some strange
tricks and generally working magic. Behind his back a crewman warns a
new crewman to stay out of his way by singing:
7) "The Celebrated Mr. Spock" [LG]
Is there one man in all the fleet who keeps all Starfleet regulations
memorized? And who would trouble to complete the inventory with all
flotsam itemized? Lives a soul so obsessed, so neatly pressed, he never
leaves a single thing misplaced? You think not? Come and meet Mr. Spock!
You should know this man can plumb the secrets hidden deeply in your
mind with just a touch. He has many great abilities, in computer
science, chemistry, and thus and such... I myself have seen him drop a
foe with nothing but a simple-looking pinch Every day Mr. Spock amazes
us all!
The celebrated Mr. Spock performs such marvels daily on the Enterprise.
He's Vulcan but half-human which does make him seem a weirdo, you must
realize. Still he has a friend, a powerful friend in the Captain of the
Enterprise himself... Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk are quite the pair!
===== End: act one. =====
===== Act two. =====
The Enterprise en route to confront the antagonist du jour. Kirk and
his officers engage in a typical discussion around a conference table
which starts out being about the looming crisis, and ends as a petty
snipefest between McCoy and Spock (with no clear victor). Amused, Kirk
allows Spock and McCoy to bitch at each other for a minute, then finally
calls a halt to it with some mollifying words.
Everyone exits except Spock, who then musically muses about life aboard
the Enterprise among the humans, in a song set to the tune of "Within
you, without you". Dancers enact dramatic tableaus in silhouette behind
him (representing various flashbacks) to illustrate his song. There is
some poignant irony as his infancy in the arms of a human mother is an item.
8) With 'em, without 'em [LG]
Fascinating... The human mind can seem so strange In relating They
always seem to be deranged. They're insane... Some completely mad, Some
are merely daft, But all are insane.
It's astounding That they can accomplish anything. They're confounding.
I can't keep up with their mood swings. I feel lost... Can't make heads
or tails Is that just their plan? To drive me as mad as them?
Captain Kirk is like my mother - happy dreamers - happy in their madness.
She gave life...he's saved my life... these humans! Can't live with them
nor without them.
[intrumental interlude]
I've been thinking... How good it is that I am here. Kirk is interesting
Now there's a man who is sincere He's insane But he's glad he's mad He
enjoys the ride Like a cowboy rides a horse.
He's a human I must study. He's a man who's at home in his own skin.
I must learn to live with humans since it seems I can't live well
without them.
Jim Kirk finds Spock sulking alone, and engages him in happy talk about
their friendship to improve his mood, which becomes a song set to the
tune of "When I'm sixty-four", in which the two make all kinds of plans
- to go camping together, and to try all sorts of fascinating things.
9) When We Have The Time [LG]
The two famous friends then are notified by Mr. Scott that their foe is
nigh. They exit together to meet their fate, radiating confidence.
Sooner or later there had to be some kind of trouble, or this trip was
all for nothing, so naturally The Enterprise suddenly finds herself
under attack. There is lots of fireworks and tumbling around the
bridge, as Kirk valiantly focuses on issuing the necessary commands and
the bridge crew struggle to stay in their seats and obey their Captain's
orders. Uhura suddenly announces that a signal from the attacking ship
is coming through. Kirk calls for visual, and it's a crazy Vulcan at
the helm.
Spock, after observing a bizarre conversation between their pugnacious
opponent and Captain Kirk, volunteers that the man is apparently in the
grip of Pon Farr and therefore is incapable of being reasonable.
(Everyone reacts as if they have never heard of Pon Farr before.)
Spock soberly opines that they should plan to destroy the enemy ship,
offering no quarter. Suddenly, the attack stops. There is a long pause.
It becomes apparent that Uhura is chattering away with the guy on a
private channel. She catches a bewildered Kirk's eye, and engages in a
bit of charades as she tries to discreetly let him know that she is
negotiating with the renegade ship's feverish Captain. It seems he's
willing to surrender if Uhura will agree to date him! With Kirk's
encouragement, Uhura tells her nutty admirer that she thinks he's kind
of cute, and that she is game.
9) A cease-fire is declared and the Vulcan Captain is brought aboard.
Naturally security guys are all over him right away. Uhura is there,
and she asks him to explain what the hell he thought he was thinking.
The fellow bursts into song, and lavishes praise all over Uhura about
her devastating beauty, to the tune of "Lovely Rita, Meter Maid".
Against all odds, Uhura is so moved by this unabashed display of manly
admiration that she takes pity on the guy, and asks Captain Kirk if she
can marry him instead of Kirk throwing the guy in the brig. Kirk
happily agrees, and he performs a quickie wedding ceremony on the spot.
The honeymooners exit as shipmates applaud.
10) The triumphant reprise of "Roddenberry's Classic STAR TREK Crew" is
interrupted as the one redshirt who died is laid before the Captain.
Kirk mournfully remembers him and other redshirts like him in a sad song
set to the tune of "A Day in the life." As the song builds to its
dramatic climax it becomes a fantasy with Kirk striving with all he has
to save the guy from falling off a cliff, and with all his heart he
honestly tries, but he's just too damn late. But he tried! GOD KNOWS
HE TRIES!
Lights up with all the main players gathered closely around Kirk
reassuringly. Everybody straightens when the Captain does, and he
salutes the fallen redshirt as the body is taken away.
A call from Star Fleet Command for Captain Kirk: since he seems to have
nothing to do at the moment, could he take care of another quarrelsome
nogoodnik who's kicking up dust a few parsecs away? "You Bet!", Kirk
enthusiastically replies. Reprise of "We're Coming", as the bridge crew
briskly take their places and prepare to face another adventure.
===== Curtain =====
Copyright L. Goodwin 2001 - 2002
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| Re: LOL one from the vaults - TOS musical [message #180211 ] |
So, 18 Dezember 2005 02:25 |
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Post removed (X-No-Archive: yes)
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