|
Sprinkler Systems
Uhaul move
Lawn care
Roses and trees
Ford Parts
Chrysler Parts
Lake Powell
New IPod Touch Apps
New IPhone Apps
IPhone Apps
IPad Information
IPad Apps
Android APPS
Android Games APPS
Android Systems
Android Tablets APPS and Beyond
Smartphone Apps
Smartphone Games Apps Repair and Tools
Tablet PC
Car Sharing Car Leasing
Tabler Pc
Fly Fishing
Toyota Cars
Vacation Rentals
Stock market
NYSE
SSE Stock
Freight & Shipping News
Gluten
Lactose
Gout
My Coupon Life
Campgrounds Check
Outdoor
Kitchen Design and Redoo
Bath Remodeling
Palm Springs
Las Vegas Vacation Tipps
Lake Powell Boating
Homes for lease
Electric and green Car Blog
Pearls and diamonds
Whatsapp and forget SMS Blog, What is Whatsapp App
Solar Panel Solar Energie Sun Power Blog
|
Fantasy » alt.fan.tolkien » MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies
| MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174117] |
Di, 22 November 2005 11:00 |
|
Yeah, yeah, some of the lines are paraphrased from the book and simply got
mis-executed... so sue me. For the record, I think all the Tolkien-based
parts of the script (which includes alot of it) is wonderful. But a hell
of a lot of the "new material" stuck out like a sore thumb, and so, I bring you:
YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ACADEMY MEMBERS HAVE SPOKEN:
Your 50 Cheesiest Lines in the PJLOTR!!!!
Starring Crow, Joel, Tom Servo and Special Guests Dom and Billy
-------------
1. You shall be... The Fellowship of the Ring!
(MST3K: Background Thunder)
2. Who now has the strength to stand against the might of Isengard...
and MORRRDOR? Against Saurrrrron AND Saruman? At the Union of...
The Two Towers!
(MST3K: Yes!!! He vas my... BOY-FRIEND!)
(MST3K: Background Thunder)
3. The power is not given you to deny... the Return of the King!
(MST3K: Background Thunder)
4. Let us hunt some orc.
(MST3K: Let us crack open an ice-cold Budweiser,
O chairman of the cheap dialogue, for you...)
5. The red sun rises... blood has been spilled this night.
(MST3K: Uruks??? Here?? I must warn the others!
(MST3K: I say, a white wizard. Could it be...? Oh, NOO!!!)
(MST3K: What is it, Chewie? What do you smell?)
6. Naz-GUUUULLL!!!
(MST3K: Over HEEEERE!)
7. No man can kill me! Die... now.
(MST3K: You Amerikants, al-vays so gullible!)
(MST3K: That is why evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.)
(MST3K: Now I will reveal to you my master plan.)
8. I am NO man!
(MST3K: So wot, you are a voman! A voman, in Shorts!)
(MST3K: And I see that your Shorts is as BIG as mine!)
9. Nobody tosses a dwarf!
(MST3K: NOBODY expects the dwarf-tossing competition!)
(MST3K: Our chief weapons are surprise, staircases...)
10. Toss me.
(MST3K: Don't do it, Aragorn! Dwarves have terrible diseases.)
(MST3K: We don't even know if Gimli is a woman.)
11. Thus passes Denethor, son of Ecthelion.
(MST3K: What a meshuggenah, that Denethor. I knew him before he became
Steward, when he was planning on becoming a dentist. I'm 2,000 years old,
you know. When he told his mother he was setting himself on fire, she said,
oy vey! What did I do to have a Steward as a son! No ambition whatsoever!
Now that Aragorn, such a nice boy! He went on to become king, y'know...)
12. a glimpse of the Enemy's plan: Sauron Moves to Strike the City of Minas Tirith!
(MST3K: Captain Obvious! (yes sir!) Tell them what we must do now.
13. Men are weak.
(MST3K: RE-AL weak. --playa hata!! --Elf booty got SOUL!)
14. Men are not as weak as he supposed. There is strength in men.
(MST3K: I can feel the strength rising in you. Everything is
going as I have foreseen. Now witness the awesome destructive
power of this fully-armed... and... operational battle-wizard!)
15. Oh Sam, I'm so sorry... so sorry. (fwump)
(MST3K: I didn't want this job anyway, you know. What I wanted is...
to be a LUMBERJACK! Yes, a LUMBERJACK! Strollin' through the woods
of Lothlorien with an axe in my hand and a beautiful elf-maiden by
my side! I'll dress in Sam's clothing, and... and... hey, come back!)
16. Not asleep... Dead!
(MST3K: 'Es pining, I tell you!! --Pinin' fer Galadriel? Are you mad?
(MST3K: This... is an EX-HOBBIT! --Shh! They'll hear us!)
17. Not...dead?
(MST3K: 'Es only resting! --Get im to the tower!
--Lovely plumage, 'obbits, wot.)
18. The Enemy is on your doorstep. Light... the beacons!
(MST3K: Call for General Alert! --Bring him into the Citadel then.
--This is no time for fooling around, Denethor. We have a Major Disaster Here!
--Well, in that case, Mithrandir! Tell General Alert AND Major Disaster to
report to me... at once!)
19. Ride out and meet them head-on! Draw him away from your women and children.
You Must... Fight! --You have 2,000 men riding north as we speak.
(MST3K: Those armies are out there. In fact, we know exactly where they are.
They're in Orthanc & Mordor and the countryside in and around! --The point
is, don't let a smoking wizard become a mushroom cloud. --Ex-actly, Dom.)
20. You would call on them to fight? They believe in Nothing!
They answer to No one!
(MST3K: Nihilists! They Will Answer to the Big Lebowski!!!)
21. The Dead Do not Suffer the Living To Pass! Now You Must Die.
(MST3K: Uhmm, uhmm, I had this rug, and it really tied the room together, and...)
22. You Will Suffer Me!
(MST3K: Now come over here, Big Boy!)
(MST3K: ...)
(MST3K: You like strong men, don't you Billy?)
(MST3K: Get away from me!)
(MST3K: I don't want to keep it! I just want to 'elp!)
(MST3K: I could carry it for awhile... carry it for awhile...)
(MST3K: You're a sick person, Dom. -- I try.)
23. We'll take them head-on! Sound the charge.
(MST3K: "Holy Mackerel! Look at all them Fucking Oliphants!")
(MST3K: Theoden's famous last words, you mean. --Yep.)
(MST3K: You go there, General. Our Southron scouts say...)
(MST3K: Be-yutiful animals, Oliphant! Crikey! look at im tusks!)
(MST3K: Lovely plumage.)
24. The Age of Men... Is Over. The Time... of the Orc... Has Come.
(MST3K: An entire Legion of my Best Troops awaits them!)
(MST3K: It's you.)
(MST3K: Hello gentlemen)
(MST3K: Osgiliath are now belong to us!!!)
25. Send Forth All Legions. --What of the Wizard? --I Will Break Him.
(MST3K: This man commands quack twoops!)
(MST3K: Take off every 'orc')
(MST3K: You know what you doing Captain!?)
(MST3K: Move 'orc')
(MST3K: You have no chance to survive make your time.)
26. Faramir! They've taken the eastern shore!
Battalions of Orcs are crossing the river.
(MST3K: How'd they get across the river? Why, Jackson, why??)
27. (days later): It's quiet... too quiet. GAAAH! To the river!
(MST3K: Hey...are they supposed to be doing that? Wit' torches an' all?
--They're stealing our city! --Bloody Sauron!)
28. Follow this tunnel into the old sewer. It passes under the river.
(MST3K: Hey, wait a minute! --Hobbits are skilled at swimming
in tunnels, remember? --Like many small mammals. --You mean
like a burr-a-marmoset? --I was thinking lemur. --Mmm, lemur.
--Hobbits love lemur. --Stop touching me, Dom! --Oh sorry.)
29. Eight there are, yet nine set out from Riv-en-dell.
Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak... with... him...
(MST3K: Wait for it... wait for it...)
He has fallen into shadow!
(MST3K: Huuhhh? --Honey, Whuuuuhh? --Oh, SNAP!)
(MST3K: You like strong women, don't you, Billy?)
30. The Power of the Ring grows Even Stronger!
(MST3K: And now, longer lasting 24 hour relief!)
31. There's writing... It's some form of Elvish.
(MST3K: Does it say "BAD MOTHERFUCKER" on it? Well? DOES IT???)
32. You cannot WIELD it! None of us can.
(MST3K: If, on the other hand, a hobbit were to enter the Cracks of
of Doom unprotected, and manually destroy it... -- Dammit, Aragorn!
You'll die! -- If I don't go in there, we'll all die! --You blue-blooded
half-elf! As your Doctor, I'm ordering you not to go in there!)
33. You have only one choice: The Ring must be destroyed.
(MST3K: Great job, Elrond! You sure know how to manage a meeting!)
(MST3K: If Dick Cheney had been the chairsman, this meeting would already be
adjourned. BOOM! It's a slam dunk! Mission Accomplished! --Wot, you don't
think the Democrats would have objected? --To a suicide mission? You kidding?
That's their specialty! --Get Frum to do it, e's already failed to destroy the
ring 8 times.)
34. Did you not hear what Elrond just said? The Ring must be destroyed!
(MST3K: For those just in. A Ring. A News Conference.
"The Ring must be destroyed". An NBC Special Report.
Tim, what does this mean? --Well, you heard it yourself,
Tom... a forceful statement from Elrond. "The Ring must
be Destroyed." You have only one choice, and going now
to our white-board, here's why...)
35. Why are you saying this?!? -- I am mortal. You are Elf-kind.
It was a dream, Arwen... nothing more.
(MST3K: You know -- if you were lookin' for the OPPORTUNE moment...
that was it.
(MST3K: Now...If you'd be so kind as to take me to my Fellowship...)
(MST3K: They left without us! And all you got was this priceless
Mithril shirt. --They done wot's right by them. Keep to the code!)
36. The Light of the Evenstar is fading.
As Sauron's power grows, her strength weakens. She will
not long survive the Evil that now spreads from Mordor.
(MST3K: If we reverse the polarity on this matter transmitter beam,
we can evacuate all the Evil out of her system...and deposit it in
outer space in the form of a concentrated lump! --Thereby generating
a space-time paradox that could destroy all existence!!! --Only if
we're not careful, Aragorn. Activate the Sword That Was Broken!)
37. It's ours it is... and we... WANTS... IT!!!!!!!!
(MST3K: Shh!!! We're trying to sleep remember?)
38. Oh, a bog! He's led us into a swamp!
(MST3K: Hobbits navigate by smell alone)
39. Riders of Rohan! What News From the Mark?
(MST3K: Don't sneak up on me from 50 paces on horseback!!!)
40. A hobbit lay here, and the other... they crawled.
(MST3K: A giant was bested here!!! I'm sure of it.
(MST3K: There will be Much Suffering in Rohan if the hobbits have come to harm.)
41. <ptui> Orc blood.
(MST3K: Highly Deadly... Completely undetectable... I'd bet my life on it!)
42. That... is a lie.
(MST3K: Wake Up, it's KEYSER SOZE!!! -- He walks here and there, they say.)
(MST3K: Kobayashi has ever been our friend and ally.)
(MST3K: Well? Have you actually SEEN Sauron? Thought not. So who's the
only REAL villain that anybody actually SEES... except Gandalf? --Oh, I get it.)
(MST3K: It's all a coverup for an attempt to control the global drug trade anyhow.)
(MST3K: Who PLANTED THE PIPEWEED at Orthanc?)
43. He's... <gack> DEAD! Took a little tumble off the cliff. --You...LIE!
--<gurgle>
(MST3K: But wait... Arwen!! He must... not... marry... Arwen! And <gurk>
always remember... <choke> a dark lord's power FLOWS from the use of force!)
44. Come away! looook! looook! We have FOUND it! The way... into MORDOR!
(MST3K: The CLIFFS...OF INSANITY!)
45. It would take a number beyond reckoning... thousands...
to storm the Keep. -- TENS of thousands.
(MST3K: We shall ransom the people of Rohan for one...MILLion... dollars!!!)
(MST3K: But Dominic, there IS no such number.)
46. By rights, we shouldn't even be here!
(MST3K: There is no Osgiliath. There is no Shire! Your entire life
since you left Henneth Annun has been an illusion, Sam!! A computer
generated hallucination! Take the red pill, Sam, and awake... in MORDOR!)
47. That there's some good in this world... and it's worth fighting for!
(MST3K: Easy to say... for someone with 5 draft deferments...)
48. I can see the Shire Again!!! The Brandywine River! Strawberries!
(MST3K: What was the words that Klingon said?
I still have his transponder! Let's blow this joint and go home!)
49. In your heart, you begin to understand... there is no going back.
(MST3K: Then you hear about a disorder. Ring Anxiety Disorder.
People with Ring Anxiety Disorder feel tired... afraid to meet
new people... do you seem perfectly happy in social situations,
but depressed when alone? Does the world seem cold, different,
when it looks bright and cheerful to everyone else? Do you
no longer appreciate butterflies or pumpkins? ("awww.") Do you
think that by rights, the Shire shouldn't even be here? Zoloft
may help with the symptoms of Ring Anxiety disorder. Zoloft is
non-habit forming... Rejoin life! Depression, Pimples, and
Certain sexual side-effects may occur in patients using Zoloft.)
50. The Ring is Mine.
(MST3K: I don't think you wanna be doing that, mate. --No...I really think I do.)
(MST3K: :shrug: Your funeral. --OK, WHY don't I want to be puttin' on this ring?)
(MST3K: "You've been planning this all along, Mr. Frodo!")
(MST3K: Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest hobbit you can always predict
will be dishonest. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for. You
can never know when they'll do something... incredibly... stupid. Whoops-a-daisy!)
(MST3K: So what now, Preciouss? Are we to be two Ringbearers locked in
an epic battle until judgement day and trumpets sound?)
(MST3K: Or, you could surrender.)
(MST3K: Frodo, get down!!! look out for that spaceship coming up behind you!!!)
(MST3K: I love it when the spaceship BLASTS Gollum to smithereens
and then carries them to safety! --Yeah, and the Nazgul have a change of
heart and turn out to be GOOD GUYS! --Yeah, and they get to keep the
Ring and find out that a Museum wants to buy it for Billions of Dollars,
and they get to spend their money on a Maserati, and Sam gets Bag End, and...)
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174118 ] |
Di, 22 November 2005 11:25 |
|
i'd say say those lines we're mild cheddar
"Robinsons" <wrob [at] erols.com> wrote in message
news:4382EBDE.5BA6378F [at] erols.com...
> Yeah, yeah, some of the lines are paraphrased from the book and simply got
> mis-executed... so sue me. For the record, I think all the Tolkien-based
> parts of the script (which includes alot of it) is wonderful. But a hell
> of a lot of the "new material" stuck out like a sore thumb, and so, I
> bring you:
>
> YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE ACADEMY MEMBERS HAVE SPOKEN:
>
> Your 50 Cheesiest Lines in the PJLOTR!!!!
>
> Starring Crow, Joel, Tom Servo and Special Guests Dom and Billy
>
> -------------
>
> 1. You shall be... The Fellowship of the Ring!
>
> (MST3K: Background Thunder)
>
> 2. Who now has the strength to stand against the might of Isengard...
> and MORRRDOR? Against Saurrrrron AND Saruman? At the Union of...
> The Two Towers!
>
> (MST3K: Yes!!! He vas my... BOY-FRIEND!)
> (MST3K: Background Thunder)
>
> 3. The power is not given you to deny... the Return of the King!
>
> (MST3K: Background Thunder)
>
> 4. Let us hunt some orc.
>
> (MST3K: Let us crack open an ice-cold Budweiser,
> O chairman of the cheap dialogue, for you...)
>
> 5. The red sun rises... blood has been spilled this night.
>
> (MST3K: Uruks??? Here?? I must warn the others!
> (MST3K: I say, a white wizard. Could it be...? Oh, NOO!!!)
> (MST3K: What is it, Chewie? What do you smell?)
>
> 6. Naz-GUUUULLL!!!
>
> (MST3K: Over HEEEERE!)
>
> 7. No man can kill me! Die... now.
>
> (MST3K: You Amerikants, al-vays so gullible!)
> (MST3K: That is why evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.)
> (MST3K: Now I will reveal to you my master plan.)
>
> 8. I am NO man!
>
> (MST3K: So wot, you are a voman! A voman, in Shorts!)
> (MST3K: And I see that your Shorts is as BIG as mine!)
>
> 9. Nobody tosses a dwarf!
>
> (MST3K: NOBODY expects the dwarf-tossing competition!)
> (MST3K: Our chief weapons are surprise, staircases...)
>
> 10. Toss me.
>
> (MST3K: Don't do it, Aragorn! Dwarves have terrible diseases.)
> (MST3K: We don't even know if Gimli is a woman.)
>
> 11. Thus passes Denethor, son of Ecthelion.
>
> (MST3K: What a meshuggenah, that Denethor. I knew him before he became
> Steward, when he was planning on becoming a dentist. I'm 2,000 years old,
> you know. When he told his mother he was setting himself on fire, she
> said,
> oy vey! What did I do to have a Steward as a son! No ambition whatsoever!
> Now that Aragorn, such a nice boy! He went on to become king, y'know...)
>
> 12. a glimpse of the Enemy's plan: Sauron Moves to Strike the City of
> Minas Tirith!
>
> (MST3K: Captain Obvious! (yes sir!) Tell them what we must do now.
>
> 13. Men are weak.
>
> (MST3K: RE-AL weak. --playa hata!! --Elf booty got SOUL!)
>
> 14. Men are not as weak as he supposed. There is strength in men.
>
> (MST3K: I can feel the strength rising in you. Everything is
> going as I have foreseen. Now witness the awesome destructive
> power of this fully-armed... and... operational battle-wizard!)
>
> 15. Oh Sam, I'm so sorry... so sorry. (fwump)
>
> (MST3K: I didn't want this job anyway, you know. What I wanted is...
> to be a LUMBERJACK! Yes, a LUMBERJACK! Strollin' through the woods
> of Lothlorien with an axe in my hand and a beautiful elf-maiden by
> my side! I'll dress in Sam's clothing, and... and... hey, come back!)
>
> 16. Not asleep... Dead!
>
> (MST3K: 'Es pining, I tell you!! --Pinin' fer Galadriel? Are you mad?
> (MST3K: This... is an EX-HOBBIT! --Shh! They'll hear us!)
>
> 17. Not...dead?
>
> (MST3K: 'Es only resting! --Get im to the tower!
> --Lovely plumage, 'obbits, wot.)
>
> 18. The Enemy is on your doorstep. Light... the beacons!
>
> (MST3K: Call for General Alert! --Bring him into the Citadel then.
> --This is no time for fooling around, Denethor. We have a Major Disaster
> Here!
> --Well, in that case, Mithrandir! Tell General Alert AND Major Disaster
> to
> report to me... at once!)
>
> 19. Ride out and meet them head-on! Draw him away from your women and
> children.
> You Must... Fight! --You have 2,000 men riding north as we speak.
>
> (MST3K: Those armies are out there. In fact, we know exactly where they
> are.
> They're in Orthanc & Mordor and the countryside in and around! --The
> point
> is, don't let a smoking wizard become a mushroom cloud. --Ex-actly, Dom.)
>
> 20. You would call on them to fight? They believe in Nothing!
> They answer to No one!
>
> (MST3K: Nihilists! They Will Answer to the Big Lebowski!!!)
>
> 21. The Dead Do not Suffer the Living To Pass! Now You Must Die.
>
> (MST3K: Uhmm, uhmm, I had this rug, and it really tied the room together,
> and...)
>
> 22. You Will Suffer Me!
>
> (MST3K: Now come over here, Big Boy!)
> (MST3K: ...)
> (MST3K: You like strong men, don't you Billy?)
> (MST3K: Get away from me!)
> (MST3K: I don't want to keep it! I just want to 'elp!)
> (MST3K: I could carry it for awhile... carry it for awhile...)
> (MST3K: You're a sick person, Dom. -- I try.)
>
> 23. We'll take them head-on! Sound the charge.
>
> (MST3K: "Holy Mackerel! Look at all them Fucking Oliphants!")
> (MST3K: Theoden's famous last words, you mean. --Yep.)
> (MST3K: You go there, General. Our Southron scouts say...)
>
> (MST3K: Be-yutiful animals, Oliphant! Crikey! look at im tusks!)
> (MST3K: Lovely plumage.)
>
> 24. The Age of Men... Is Over. The Time... of the Orc... Has Come.
>
> (MST3K: An entire Legion of my Best Troops awaits them!)
> (MST3K: It's you.)
> (MST3K: Hello gentlemen)
> (MST3K: Osgiliath are now belong to us!!!)
>
> 25. Send Forth All Legions. --What of the Wizard? --I Will Break Him.
>
> (MST3K: This man commands quack twoops!)
> (MST3K: Take off every 'orc')
> (MST3K: You know what you doing Captain!?)
> (MST3K: Move 'orc')
> (MST3K: You have no chance to survive make your time.)
>
> 26. Faramir! They've taken the eastern shore!
> Battalions of Orcs are crossing the river.
>
> (MST3K: How'd they get across the river? Why, Jackson, why??)
>
> 27. (days later): It's quiet... too quiet. GAAAH! To the river!
>
> (MST3K: Hey...are they supposed to be doing that? Wit' torches an' all?
> --They're stealing our city! --Bloody Sauron!)
>
> 28. Follow this tunnel into the old sewer. It passes under the river.
>
> (MST3K: Hey, wait a minute! --Hobbits are skilled at swimming
> in tunnels, remember? --Like many small mammals. --You mean
> like a burr-a-marmoset? --I was thinking lemur. --Mmm, lemur.
> --Hobbits love lemur. --Stop touching me, Dom! --Oh sorry.)
>
> 29. Eight there are, yet nine set out from Riv-en-dell.
> Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak... with... him...
>
> (MST3K: Wait for it... wait for it...)
>
> He has fallen into shadow!
>
> (MST3K: Huuhhh? --Honey, Whuuuuhh? --Oh, SNAP!)
> (MST3K: You like strong women, don't you, Billy?)
>
> 30. The Power of the Ring grows Even Stronger!
>
> (MST3K: And now, longer lasting 24 hour relief!)
>
> 31. There's writing... It's some form of Elvish.
>
> (MST3K: Does it say "BAD MOTHERFUCKER" on it? Well? DOES IT???)
>
> 32. You cannot WIELD it! None of us can.
>
> (MST3K: If, on the other hand, a hobbit were to enter the Cracks of
> of Doom unprotected, and manually destroy it... -- Dammit, Aragorn!
> You'll die! -- If I don't go in there, we'll all die! --You blue-blooded
> half-elf! As your Doctor, I'm ordering you not to go in there!)
>
> 33. You have only one choice: The Ring must be destroyed.
>
> (MST3K: Great job, Elrond! You sure know how to manage a meeting!)
>
> (MST3K: If Dick Cheney had been the chairsman, this meeting would already
> be
> adjourned. BOOM! It's a slam dunk! Mission Accomplished! --Wot, you
> don't
> think the Democrats would have objected? --To a suicide mission? You
> kidding?
> That's their specialty! --Get Frum to do it, e's already failed to destroy
> the
> ring 8 times.)
>
> 34. Did you not hear what Elrond just said? The Ring must be destroyed!
>
> (MST3K: For those just in. A Ring. A News Conference.
> "The Ring must be destroyed". An NBC Special Report.
> Tim, what does this mean? --Well, you heard it yourself,
> Tom... a forceful statement from Elrond. "The Ring must
> be Destroyed." You have only one choice, and going now
> to our white-board, here's why...)
>
> 35. Why are you saying this?!? -- I am mortal. You are Elf-kind.
> It was a dream, Arwen... nothing more.
>
> (MST3K: You know -- if you were lookin' for the OPPORTUNE moment...
> that was it.
> (MST3K: Now...If you'd be so kind as to take me to my Fellowship...)
>
> (MST3K: They left without us! And all you got was this priceless
> Mithril shirt. --They done wot's right by them. Keep to the code!)
>
> 36. The Light of the Evenstar is fading.
> As Sauron's power grows, her strength weakens. She will
> not long survive the Evil that now spreads from Mordor.
>
> (MST3K: If we reverse the polarity on this matter transmitter beam,
> we can evacuate all the Evil out of her system...and deposit it in
> outer space in the form of a concentrated lump! --Thereby generating
> a space-time paradox that could destroy all existence!!! --Only if
> we're not careful, Aragorn. Activate the Sword That Was Broken!)
>
> 37. It's ours it is... and we... WANTS... IT!!!!!!!!
>
> (MST3K: Shh!!! We're trying to sleep remember?)
>
> 38. Oh, a bog! He's led us into a swamp!
>
> (MST3K: Hobbits navigate by smell alone)
>
> 39. Riders of Rohan! What News From the Mark?
>
> (MST3K: Don't sneak up on me from 50 paces on horseback!!!)
>
> 40. A hobbit lay here, and the other... they crawled.
>
> (MST3K: A giant was bested here!!! I'm sure of it.
> (MST3K: There will be Much Suffering in Rohan if the hobbits have come to
> harm.)
>
> 41. <ptui> Orc blood.
>
> (MST3K: Highly Deadly... Completely undetectable... I'd bet my life on
> it!)
>
> 42. That... is a lie.
>
> (MST3K: Wake Up, it's KEYSER SOZE!!! -- He walks here and there, they
> say.)
> (MST3K: Kobayashi has ever been our friend and ally.)
>
> (MST3K: Well? Have you actually SEEN Sauron? Thought not. So who's the
> only REAL villain that anybody actually SEES... except Gandalf? --Oh, I
> get it.)
>
> (MST3K: It's all a coverup for an attempt to control the global drug trade
> anyhow.)
> (MST3K: Who PLANTED THE PIPEWEED at Orthanc?)
>
> 43. He's... <gack> DEAD! Took a little tumble off the
> liff. --You...LIE!
> --<gurgle>
>
> (MST3K: But wait... Arwen!! He must... not... marry... Arwen! And <gurk>
> always remember... <choke> a dark lord's power FLOWS from the use of
> force!)
>
> 44. Come away! looook! looook! We have FOUND it! The way... into
> MORDOR!
>
> (MST3K: The CLIFFS...OF INSANITY!)
>
> 45. It would take a number beyond reckoning... thousands...
> to storm the Keep. -- TENS of thousands.
>
> (MST3K: We shall ransom the people of Rohan for one...MILLion...
> dollars!!!)
> (MST3K: But Dominic, there IS no such number.)
>
> 46. By rights, we shouldn't even be here!
>
> (MST3K: There is no Osgiliath. There is no Shire! Your entire life
> since you left Henneth Annun has been an illusion, Sam!! A computer
> generated hallucination! Take the red pill, Sam, and awake... in MORDOR!)
>
> 47. That there's some good in this world... and it's worth fighting for!
>
> (MST3K: Easy to say... for someone with 5 draft deferments...)
>
> 48. I can see the Shire Again!!! The Brandywine River! Strawberries!
>
> (MST3K: What was the words that Klingon said?
> I still have his transponder! Let's blow this joint and go home!)
>
> 49. In your heart, you begin to understand... there is no going back.
>
> (MST3K: Then you hear about a disorder. Ring Anxiety Disorder.
> People with Ring Anxiety Disorder feel tired... afraid to meet
> new people... do you seem perfectly happy in social situations,
> but depressed when alone? Does the world seem cold, different,
> when it looks bright and cheerful to everyone else? Do you
> no longer appreciate butterflies or pumpkins? ("awww.") Do you
> think that by rights, the Shire shouldn't even be here? Zoloft
> may help with the symptoms of Ring Anxiety disorder. Zoloft is
> non-habit forming... Rejoin life! Depression, Pimples, and
> Certain sexual side-effects may occur in patients using Zoloft.)
>
> 50. The Ring is Mine.
>
> (MST3K: I don't think you wanna be doing that, mate. --No...I really think
> I do.)
>
> (MST3K: :shrug: Your funeral. --OK, WHY don't I want to be puttin' on this
> ring?)
>
> (MST3K: "You've been planning this all along, Mr. Frodo!")
>
> (MST3K: Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest hobbit you can always predict
> will be dishonest. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for. You
> can never know when they'll do something... incredibly... stupid.
> Whoops-a-daisy!)
>
> (MST3K: So what now, Preciouss? Are we to be two Ringbearers locked in
> an epic battle until judgement day and trumpets sound?)
> (MST3K: Or, you could surrender.)
>
> (MST3K: Frodo, get down!!! look out for that spaceship coming up behind
> you!!!)
>
> (MST3K: I love it when the spaceship BLASTS Gollum to smithereens
> and then carries them to safety! --Yeah, and the Nazgul have a change of
> heart and turn out to be GOOD GUYS! --Yeah, and they get to keep the
> Ring and find out that a Museum wants to buy it for Billions of Dollars,
> and they get to spend their money on a Maserati, and Sam gets Bag End,
> and...)
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174130 ] |
Mi, 23 November 2005 03:29 |
|
"Robinsons" <wrob [at] erols.com> wrote in message
news:4382EBDE.5BA6378F [at] erols.com...
> Yeah, yeah, some of the lines are paraphrased from the book and simply got
> mis-executed... so sue me. For the record, I think all the Tolkien-based
> parts of the script (which includes alot of it) is wonderful. But a hell
> of a lot of the "new material" stuck out like a sore thumb, and so, I
bring you:
Oh God, and to think, all those Special Editions I bought . . . fuck, what a
waste of money. I can never view them again without thinking of this post.
But at least it gave me the courage to tackle HoME, ha HA!! and loving it.
On the other hand, how dare you question the skill of Phillipa Boyens? Only
Eru can match her skill, if even he.
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174131 ] |
Mi, 23 November 2005 04:27 |
|
Robinsons wrote:
>Yeah, yeah, some of the lines are . . . .
>
So why not 51? Why not 67? Why not 4? Why bother? Why go to the bother
of creating a bed of thorns and then forcing yourself to roll around in it?
Patient: "It hurts when I move like so..."
Doctor: "Then don't do it."
We do not need or want to know your pain.
This NG has been infested with many similar threads; fortunately they
have fizzled.....eventually.
Pete H
--
The universe is largely unexplored.
NPR News item
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174132 ] |
Mi, 23 November 2005 05:15 |
|
Noh Phu Ling wrote:
> Robinsons wrote:
>
>> Yeah, yeah, some of the lines are . . . .
>>
> So why not 51? Why not 67? Why not 4? Why bother? Why go to the bother
> of creating a bed of thorns and then forcing yourself to roll around in it?
>
> Patient: "It hurts when I move like so..."
> Doctor: "Then don't do it."
>
> We do not need or want to know your pain.
Sounds like it's only painful for you. Others have found
it very amusing. But of course you'd know better...
> This NG has been infested with many similar threads; fortunately they
> have fizzled.....eventually.
As you apparently think that threads about baking
advices are what this group needs, perhaps you're
not the right person to dictate what kind of threads
are acceptable and what are not after all.
Morgil
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174133 ] |
Mi, 23 November 2005 08:26 |
|
Morgil wrote:
> Noh Phu Ling wrote:
> > We do not need or want to know your pain.
>
> Sounds like it's only painful for you. Others have found
> it very amusing. But of course you'd know better...
>
> > This NG has been infested with many similar threads; fortunately they
> > have fizzled.....eventually.
>
> As you apparently think that threads about baking
> advices are what this group needs, perhaps you're
> not the right person to dictate what kind of threads
> are acceptable and what are not after all.
Hey, I don't know what Noh Phu Ling is on about, but I think much
of the script is fairly good -- especially all the parts from the
book (or paraphrased) which would not have made it into the movie
if most other directors had been in charge.
That said, (a) the high quality of the script is purely due to the
acting, any script would have bombed with lesser actors, and especially
the non-Tolkien parts; and,
(b) There are many lines in the movies that are so cheesy they cry out
for MSTification. Fortunately they are few and far between.
But I think my "50 Cheesiest Lines" gives an adequate "Viewer's
Annotated Compendium of Cheesy Lines in the Movie LOTR."
our mileage may vary!
Feel free to come up with your own MST references, however. I take no
credit for the MST3K (Mystery Science Theater 3000) comments.
For reference, I suggest you use the following notations:
"CL 45" --> Cheesy Line #45 in the _Viewer's Annotated Compendium_
in this case, to refer to "It would take a number beyond reckoning: thousands"
or access the scholarly literature on what this line means and
where it comes from, what influences were on the author (drugs, etc.)
that might help shed some light on the Boyens revisions to the text.
So instead of quoting it from memory you can just say, "CL 33" (grin)!
Thanks, --BR
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174134 ] |
Mi, 23 November 2005 08:39 |
|
Leon Trollski wrote:
> "Robinsons" <wrob [at] erols.com> wrote in message
> news:4382EBDE.5BA6378F [at] erols.com...
> > Yeah, yeah, some of the lines are paraphrased from the book and simply got
> > mis-executed... so sue me. For the record, I think all the Tolkien-based
> > parts of the script (which includes alot of it) is wonderful. But a hell
> > of a lot of the "new material" stuck out like a sore thumb, and so, I
> bring you:
>
> Oh God, and to think, all those Special Editions I bought . . . fuck, what a
> waste of money. I can never view them again without thinking of this post.
>
> But at least it gave me the courage to tackle HoME, ha HA!! and loving it.
>
> On the other hand, how dare you question the skill of Phillipa Boyens? Only
> Eru can match her skill, if even he.
Heh. Please note the following:
1. Cheesy Lines #1 - #50 are not listed in strict order of Cheesiness.
2. Feel free to add additional Cheesy lines to the list,
with the strong condition that the line must be inherently Cheesy to a
reasonable viewer, without recourse to discrepancies between the book and
the movie; after all, most of the Cheesy lines (but not all) are bound to
be found in the newly added material anyhow.
3. The MST3K Annotated Compendium of the Cheesiest Lines in PJLOTR is
in no way meant to be a comment on the quality or faithfulness of the overall
movie. Many movies of this sort are bound to have lots of cheesiness which
may be the primary redeeming quality in some genre flicks, hence, the
success of Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K).
4. The MST3K Annotated Compendium of the Cheesiest Lines in PJLOTR is
in no way meant to be an endorsement of Cheeto's brand snacks or
MST3K robot labor policies.
5. Feel free to provide your own MST3K commentary to LOTR's Cheesiest Lines.
:-) --BR
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174135 ] |
Mi, 23 November 2005 08:50 |
|
I forgot the Warg Sequence, or as PJ refers to it,
"The Lost Warg Sequence" (now included in the movie version.)
Cheesy Line #51. This is actually one of the cheesiest lines in the pic.
[Legolas jumps out of a computer and grimaces] "A SCOUT!"
(MST: No comment necessary (it's too painful...sob)
52. "Wargs, we're under attack!"
(MST: Everyone move quickly and calmly to the exits... don't panic... I said don't panic!
What ch'all doin' standin around? Didn't you hear? We got Wargs in the buildin'! Get yo
ass out of here!)
53. "Helm's Deep! Helm's Deep! (we're safe!)"
(MST: OK, OK, this line is only cheesy because of the obvious Camelot reference.
PJ was baiting us with this one.)
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174136 ] |
Mi, 23 November 2005 08:55 |
|
Noh Phu Ling wrote:
> So why not 51? Why not 67? Why not 4? Why bother? Why go to the bother
> of creating a bed of thorns and then forcing yourself to roll around in it?
>
> Patient: "It hurts when I move like so..."
> Doctor: "Then don't do it."
>
> We do not need or want to know your pain.
>
> This NG has been infested with many similar threads; fortunately they
> have fizzled.....eventually.
Silly rabbit, Cheesy Lines are meant to be cheesy! That's what makes them
fun. Like the blues, sort of.
OK, I'm laughing on the outside but I'm crying on the inside. :-)
|
|
|
| Who's the poster & who's the postee? [message #174138 ] |
Mi, 23 November 2005 14:48 |
|
Morgil wrote:
>
> As you apparently think that threads about baking
> advices are what this group needs,
Others posted, I responded.
> perhaps you're
> not the right person to dictate what kind of threads
> are acceptable and what are not after all.
Not dictating, only observing.
post whatever you wish.
>
>
> Morgil
--
The universe is largely unexplored.
NPR News item
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174141 ] |
Do, 24 November 2005 04:06 |
|
"Robinsons" <wrob [at] erols.com> wrote in message
news:43841CB6.FC0BEC18 [at] erols.com...
> Leon Trollski wrote:
". . . and destroy the World of Men."
This penultimate lame line even gets a repeat someplace. I hate it. It has
no support in the books, it sounds stupid. It's even dumber than Bush's
"they hate us because they hate democracy." A lobotomized retard could find
a better line. And delivered with such false gravitas.
I get the feeling these movies will grow stale with age. They will not be
considered classics in the coming decades.
|
|
|
| Re: MSTing the 50 Cheesiest Lines of Dialogue in the Movies [message #174142 ] |
Do, 24 November 2005 04:33 |
|
Leon Trollski wrote:
> "Robinsons" <wrob [at] erols.com> wrote in message
> news:43841CB6.FC0BEC18 [at] erols.com...
> > Leon Trollski wrote:
>
> ". . . and destroy the World of Men."
>
> This penultimate lame line even gets a repeat someplace. I hate it. It has
> no support in the books, it sounds stupid. It's even dumber than Bush's
> "they hate us because they hate democracy." A lobotomized retard could find
> a better line. And delivered with such false gravitas.
>
> I get the feeling these movies will grow stale with age. They will not be
> considered classics in the coming decades.
Yeah, I admit, I like the movies (especially the first two) but they are not
what they could have been (especially the last one), given all the stellar
acting and care that went into them. I mean, how hard could it be to realize
the Grey Havens is supposed to be a *sad* scene and not cast it as a Thomas
Kinkade painting! That (and the graffiti written all over Gollum's character
in film 3) is what really pisses me off.
That said, yes,
54. "and Destroy the World of Men." Good Catch!
I thought the World of Men hadn't happened yet.. Wasnt um the whole point of
Middle Earth that it was not yet a world of Men?
I think a big problem was the Spielbergian reactionary Hollywood "politics"
of Philippa Boyens. Cutting out stuff like Faramir's (Sam's) line about the
Southron so as not to look pro-Arab, etc. They wanted the Two Towers to
"speak to the people" then pushing for War in Iraq! I have to wonder if
there isn't some disturbing racial subtext there (must Gollum have blue eyes
-- unlike the book -- to make the viewer sympathize with him?) Anyone who's
seen any Maori flicks from New Zealand will know how much unacknowledged racism
there is down there (in comparison, Prof. T didn't have a racist bone in his body.)
Fran Walsh apparently saved alot of character beats that Boyens would have dropped.
That said, the dialogue in the whole "lembas scene" isn't bad. It's what they
did to Gollum's character arc I don't like, cutting his conflicted side out of
the third movie and turning him into the villain of the piece because (and this
was explicitly stated by Boyens) they wanted Frodo to redeem himself by pushing
Gollum in, like in Die-Hard or Terminator 2!
OK, other cheesy lines... let's see... the script is pretty good, what with all
the book dialogue, skilfully adapted for the most part...
"and for two and a half thousand years, the Ring passed out of all knowledge."
Was it really necessary to throw in "and a half"? Couldn't they have saved
precious seconds by stating "thousands of years"? That line always grated on
me. Sounds way too pedantic for a film. Sounds like something Comic Book Guy
would say.
"there's always been a Baggins living in Bag End, and there always will be."
Whoops! Guess not. :-) They wrote this line back when they thought the
movie would have an unknown audience, and it's pure exposition to clarify
the name of Bilbo's house. Then they realized it appeared nowhere else in the
script, that everyone who knew anything or cared to know already knew it was
called Bag End, and alot of the Prologue, though pretty to look at, is
redundant and badly edited, whereas the theatrical version is skilfully edited.
They should do a "Phantom Edit" of the Extended Editions.
|
|
|
Gehe zu:
aktuelle Zeit: Do Mai 24 13:01:00 CEST 2012
Insgesamt benötigte Zeit, um die Seite zu erzeugen: 0,06106 Sekunden |
