Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2

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Science Fiction » alt.startrek » Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2

Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80395]

Fr, 15 Juli 2005 15:37

John Shocked

[Gays In Space skit script excerpted from Saturday Night Live February 12 2005
(02/12/05), Jason Bateman/Kelly Clarkson episode]

You're watching Trio --the Out Zone.
Pop culture, unbiased and out.
At 10:00, "brideshead revisited," followed by "model tv."
But first, "gays in space."
>> Oh, no, this is going to be intergalactic.
Hang on a second, and let me pull myself together.
>> Five.
>> Say what?
>> Four.
>> Nuh-uh.
>> Three.
>> Go ahead.
>> Two.
>> Where's my lipstick?
>> One.
>> That's what I thought you said.
One.
Blast off!
"Gays in space"!
[ Laughter ]
>> Announcer: Episode one -- "you did not wear that today."
>> We're in the clear, captain.
The star cluster is no longer a threat.
>> Fantastic, great, super.
'Tails, girls.
[ Laughter ]
Now, listen, that was effing close.
Whose fault was that -- Billiam?
[ Laughter ]
>> Well, I said "hyperspeed," and navigation chose to ignore me once again.
>> Sweetie, I am not required to take orders from you, okay?
[ Laughter ]
>> Yes, you are.
I outrank you, I outdress you, and my teeth are straight.
>> He just cracked your space-face, didn't he?
All right, now, what's our next destination?
>> I thought we'd visit the methane beaches of Kilpar.
What do you think of that?
>> Tired.
Nobody goes there but old queens and lezbots.
>> Coming from the authority on tiredness.
>> At least I don't tuck my moon pants into my gravity boots, Shania.
[ Laughter ]
>> Yeah, that is so 2084.
>> All right, Givindy, Billiam, Thad --
do you guys understand what I'm trying to do here?
I'm trying to take us to the next Galacticon, okay, bouquet?
This kind of negativity is counterproductive, it also is
not productive.
It stresses me out.
I'm already very crabby because I'm on space Atkins.
>> Yeah, and you need to stay on that.
>> All right, that's it.
Too much negativity.
Too much tension.
Let's dance, everybody.
Dance it out.
Vogue it out, vogue it out.
Do it.
Snap it, snap it.
Harder turns.
Snap the hand movements.
[ Alarm sounds ]
>> Red alert.
Cheese and rice, everybody.
Man your battle stations, bitches.
Thad, data report!
>> It appears we're caught in a tractor beam.
[ Laughter ]
>>
Ooh, I do hope it's those aliens from Zalan V.
You know, the ones with the eight big hands and the eight big feet?
>> Establishing communication, captain.
>> Captain Reggie, we meet again.
>> Ugh, it's Loretta.
Hi, Loretta.
What is it?
>> My brothers, we are in great peril.
>> I can see that.
It's called a hot oil treatment. Look into it.
[ Laughter ]
>> I'm quite serious. Our population is dwindling.
>> I think I know where this is going.
>> The only way our people can survive is by joining
together to procreate.
>> Oh, get to it, Loretta, please.
Spit it out, blow it on my face.
What do you want?
>> We need sperm.
>> Right, well, um, Loretta, do you want to know something?
I love you guys.
We love to party with you, we love the cookouts, we hate
your music. We love that you help us when we move.
[ Laughter ]
But when it comes to the sex thing, I'm just -- I'm not feeling it.
>> Ditto.
That's why we created the X-25 1000 donation
enhancement collector.
>> Well, shoot it over and we'll take a little look-see at it.
[ Doorbell ]
>>
That's probably the X-25 1000 now.
>> Very quick.
>> Oh, my word.
[ Laughter ]
>> Look what Loretta made.
>>
Those girls are good with tools, okay?
[ Laughter ]
>> Man the throttles.
Next stop -- Uranus.
[ Audience ohs ]
>> You did not just go there.
>> Yes, I did.
>> She went there, and you loved it.
Outer space outer space
stars out tonight
moonlight on your girl
feels so right
ain't nothing bigger than Jupiter
gays in space
[ Cheers and applause ]

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80413 ]

Fr, 15 Juli 2005 19:17

Teh Wraith

"John Shocked" <jshocked [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:D_OBe.30041$Qo.15492 [at] fed1read01...
> [Gays In Space skit script excerpted from Saturday Night Live February 12
> 2005
> (02/12/05), Jason Bateman/Kelly Clarkson episode]
>
> You're watching Trio --the Out Zone.
> Pop culture, unbiased and out.
> <snip>

Look I agree fuck the stupid gays I'm sick of them. In fact I'm sick of the
whole fucking human race. Everybody just stop having so many god-damn kids,
and stop the god-damn killing, and just plain stop the fucking nonsense.
There are so many more fucking productive and even fun things to do besides
worry on about one's sexual orientation and who needs to be killed next.

Jesus Fucking Oliver Christ.

-Wraith-

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closedcaptions #2 [message #80417 ]

Fr, 15 Juli 2005 20:57

Michael Bowker

Teh Wraith wrote:
> "John Shocked" <jshocked [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:D_OBe.30041$Qo.15492 [at] fed1read01...
>
>>[Gays In Space skit script excerpted from Saturday Night Live February 12
>>2005
>> (02/12/05), Jason Bateman/Kelly Clarkson episode]
>>
>>You're watching Trio --the Out Zone.
>>Pop culture, unbiased and out.
>><snip>
>
>
> Look I agree fuck the stupid gays I'm sick of them. In fact I'm sick of the
> whole fucking human race. Everybody just stop having so many god-damn kids,
> and stop the god-damn killing, and just plain stop the fucking nonsense.
> There are so many more fucking productive and even fun things to do besides
> worry on about one's sexual orientation and who needs to be killed next.
>
> Jesus Fucking Oliver Christ.
>
> -Wraith-
>
>
Don't make me stop this planet! :)

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80445 ]

Sa, 16 Juli 2005 06:00

Teh Wraith

"Michael Bowker" <mikeb [at] blueneptune.com> wrote in message
news:11dg1oknjengvd6 [at] corp.supernews.com...
>>
> Don't make me stop this planet! :)

Yes do stop it!

Blow the fucker up! If there was a fucking huge red button (or it could be
gray, I dont' care) with large white letters and an instruction which read;
"Press to blow up earth" I would fucking hit that button right now with all
I had. I would enjoy it.

-Wraith-

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80446 ]

Sa, 16 Juli 2005 06:10

Craky Hankerton

"Teh Wraith" <ham_fisted [at] bun_vendor.net> wrote in message
news:uD%Be.116671$yV4.15188 [at] okepread03...
:
: "Michael Bowker" <mikeb [at] blueneptune.com> wrote in message
: news:11dg1oknjengvd6 [at] corp.supernews.com...
: >>
: > Don't make me stop this planet! :)
:
: Yes do stop it!
:
: Blow the fucker up! If there was a fucking huge red button (or it could
be
: gray, I dont' care) with large white letters and an instruction which
read;
: "Press to blow up earth" I would fucking hit that button right now with
all
: I had. I would enjoy it.
:
: -Wraith-
:
:

Ya would not ya fuckin panzy yad fuckin curl up in a corner and piss yerself
ya cunt.

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80447 ]

Sa, 16 Juli 2005 06:24

John Shocked

"Teh Wraith" <ham_fisted [at] bun_vendor.net> wrote in message news:uD%Be.116671$yV4.15188 [at] okepread03...
> "Michael Bowker" <mikeb [at] blueneptune.com> wrote in message news:11dg1oknjengvd6 [at] corp.supernews.com...
>> Don't make me stop this planet! :)
> Yes do stop it!
> Blow the fucker up! If there was a fucking huge red button (or it could be gray, I dont' care) with large white letters and an
> instruction which read; "Press to blow up earth" I would fucking hit that button right now with all I had. I would enjoy it.
> -Wraith-

This sounds like major Hollywood Homosexual frustration.
How about trying a girlfriend next time out. The world will look a lot better.
Even Arabs/Moslems will look better. They do not deserve to be mass murdered
by Hollywood Homosexuals Neo-Conservatives.

Politics

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80448 ]

Sa, 16 Juli 2005 06:26

John Shocked

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80452 ]

Sa, 16 Juli 2005 07:17

Teh Wraith

"John Shocked" <jshocked [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:p_%Be.30089$Qo.25748 [at] fed1read01...
> "Teh Wraith" <ham_fisted [at] bun_vendor.net> wrote in message
> news:uD%Be.116671$yV4.15188 [at] okepread03...
>> "Michael Bowker" <mikeb [at] blueneptune.com> wrote in message
>> news:11dg1oknjengvd6 [at] corp.supernews.com...
>>> Don't make me stop this planet! :)
>> Yes do stop it!
>> Blow the fucker up! If there was a fucking huge red button (or it could
>> be gray, I dont' care) with large white letters and an instruction which
>> read; "Press to blow up earth" I would fucking hit that button right now
>> with all I had. I would enjoy it.
>> -Wraith-
>
> This sounds like major Hollywood Homosexual frustration.
> How about trying a girlfriend next time out. The world will look a lot
> better.
> Even Arabs/Moslems will look better. They do not deserve to be mass
> murdered
> by Hollywood Homosexuals Neo-Conservatives.
>
> Politics
>
>

Well yeah dude I am frustrated. But I am not so stupid as the rest of you
sheep. Look - you get a girlfriend, you knock her up, and you're *socially
bound* to take care of the offspring. Fuck the way nature intended it, we
have this social construct (which was bred into us by an alien enslaver long
ago, so it isn't natural) and hierarchy which forces males to adapt to an
authoritarian view that is simply antihuman. What is authority? Is it the
right to rule? Where does this right come from? I'll tell you: authority
is a shared delusion between the oppressor and the oppressed; it does not
exist.

No man. No kids for me, no family, I want my freedom. I will do what it
takes to make sure I have it.

And another thing. Gays - fuck 'em. Let 'em be gay, who cares? They can't
have kids, so who cares? The problem is the straight man, knocking up
bitches and causing overpopulation and screwed up families. It was never
supposed to be this way.

Ever notice a guy, gets his woman pregnant, then maybe a few years later
it's all about how stressful all the jobs are that are required to take care
of the family, but it's noble! Oh it's the right thing to do... Yeah how
about making sure you take control of the situation and *DON'T* knock up a
bitch until you have the resources to take care of the kids that spew out.
You people.

Solve the fucking problems on your planet first, then have the sex fiestas
and kids. Or soon I will. And I'll solve all the problems.

-Wraith-
-Kaboom-
:)

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80480 ]

Sa, 16 Juli 2005 17:04

Jim Phillips

Here is the *only* BSG reference I could find:

"I'm trying to take us to the next Galacticon, okay, bouquet?"

Is that really it, John? If so, I'm unconvinced that "Gays In
Space" is about BSG.

--
Jim Phillips, jay pee aitch eye el el eye pee at bee see pee ell dot net
"Geez, if you're going to get *this* upset whenever I do something stupid,
then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!"
-- Homer Simpson

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80508 ]

So, 17 Juli 2005 03:40

John Shocked

"Jim Phillips" <jphillip [at] bcpl.net> wrote in message news:Pine.SOL.3.96.1050716110303.3935C-100000 [at] mail...
> Here is the *only* BSG reference I could find:
> "I'm trying to take us to the next Galacticon, okay, bouquet?"
> Is that really it, John? If so, I'm unconvinced that "Gays In
> Space" is about BSG.

That is all it takes. Anything more would advertise Battlestar Galactica inappropriately.
NBC Universal does have some business distribution relationship with BSG as is
obvious from the placards at the ends of the episodes.

Politics

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #80540 ]

So, 17 Juli 2005 16:06

Jim Phillips

On Sat, 16 Jul 2005, John Shocked wrote:

> "Jim Phillips" <jphillip [at] bcpl.net> wrote in message news:Pine.SOL.3.96.1050716110303.3935C-100000 [at] mail...
> > Here is the *only* BSG reference I could find:
> > "I'm trying to take us to the next Galacticon, okay, bouquet?"
> > Is that really it, John? If so, I'm unconvinced that "Gays In
> > Space" is about BSG.
>
> That is all it takes.

Only if you had a prejudicial attitude to BSG to begin with.

> Anything more would advertise Battlestar Galactica inappropriately.

Is that why NBC ran several episodes of BSG--because they wanted to
avoid advertising BSG?

> NBC Universal does have some business distribution relationship with BSG as is
> obvious from the placards at the ends of the episodes.

One word in a skit does not a connection make.

--
Jim Phillips, jay pee aitch eye el el eye pee at bee see pee ell dot net
"Geez, if you're going to get *this* upset whenever I do something stupid,
then I guess I'll just have to stop doing stupid things!"
-- Homer Simpson

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #83186 ]

Mi, 20 Juli 2005 02:58

-maf-1029-

On Fri, 15 Jul 2005 12:17:55 -0500, "Teh Wraith"
<ham_fisted [at] bun_vendor.net> wrote:

>Look I agree fuck the stupid gays

Maybe you wouldn't be so bitter and nasty if you were fucking the
smart gays?

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #88305 ]

Sa, 23 Juli 2005 13:42

John Shocked

"Jim Phillips" <jphillip [at] bcpl.net> wrote in message news:Pine.SOL.3.96.1050717100507.3935D-100000 [at] mail...
> On Sat, 16 Jul 2005, John Shocked wrote:
>> "Jim Phillips" <jphillip [at] bcpl.net> wrote in message news:Pine.SOL.3.96.1050716110303.3935C-100000 [at] mail...
>> > Here is the *only* BSG reference I could find:
>> > "I'm trying to take us to the next Galacticon, okay, bouquet?"
>> > Is that really it, John? If so, I'm unconvinced that "Gays In
>> > Space" is about BSG.
>> That is all it takes.
> Only if you had a prejudicial attitude to BSG to begin with.

No prejudice here. I was hoping BSG would be a good series.

>> Anything more would advertise Battlestar Galactica inappropriately.
> Is that why NBC ran several episodes of BSG--because they wanted to
> avoid advertising BSG?

Right they clearly have a defined business relationship and advertisements in
SNL was not part of that relationship.

>> NBC Universal does have some business distribution relationship with BSG as is
>> obvious from the placards at the ends of the episodes.
> One word in a skit does not a connection make.

The skit is all about BSG. They use F-ing for Frakking, and they aired
the first one just 3 weeks after the first airing of the Bastille Day episode in the US
which is the one which caused me to immediately go onto the Internet to talk about
that episode.
Also they talk about having babies, with almost the identical language to
President Roslin. etc.

Politics

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #93331 ]

Fr, 29 Juli 2005 11:11

Teh Wraith

"-maf-1029-" <spam [at] me.mot> wrote in message
news:rc8rd19lg3hb51ojgprh7v7rqjg7ga24ac [at] 4ax.com...
> On Fri, 15 Jul 2005 12:17:55 -0500, "Teh Wraith"
> <ham_fisted [at] bun_vendor.net> wrote:
>
>>Look I agree fuck the stupid gays
>
> Maybe you wouldn't be so bitter and nasty if you were fucking the
> smart gays?
>
>

Well hell I'll fuck the smart gays too, but I can be bitter if I want to so
go and have a wank at my arse and I'll have one to my own mirror image and
we'll both be happy.

Luv? Luv? You there?

Gosh.

-Wraith-

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #95644 ]

Fr, 29 Juli 2005 13:49

saxophone

On Fri, 29 Jul 2005 04:11:47 -0500, "Teh Wraith"
<ham_fisted [at] bun_vendor.net> wrote:

>Well hell I'll fuck the smart gays too, but I can be bitter if I want to so
>go and have a wank at my arse and I'll have one to my own mirror image and
>we'll both be happy.

How nice for you. Ever consider writing children's books?

>Luv? Luv? You there?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

>Gosh.

Oh, honey, it's not your fault. Things like that happen all the time
to {alleged} men who spend too much time broadcasting their big bad
fantasies on Usenet. Now let me go back to sleep. Your brief narrative
above really cured my insomnia.

>-Wraith-

Smart money says you never miss an ep of Justice League Ultd., either.

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #95733 ]

So, 31 Juli 2005 20:23

Teh Wraith

"maf1029 (©2001-2008)" <saxophone [at] saxophone.whereforeartthousaxophone> wrote
in message news:co5ke1h3sr89hapmu0q502p6vputtefs79 [at] 4ax.com...

>
> Smart money says you never miss an ep of Justice League Ultd., either.
>

There is no smart money.

Hey what's "Justice League Ultd"? If I was really curious you know I'd
find out...

Where's John Shocked come along and give me a good one in the arse?

-Wraith-

Re: Script of SNL 30x12 episode Gays In Space skit from closed captions #2 [message #95741 ]

Mo, 01 August 2005 08:29

saxophone

On Sun, 31 Jul 2005 13:23:36 -0500, "Teh Wraith"
<ham_fisted [at] bun_vendor.net> wrote:

>
>"maf1029 (©2001-2008)" <saxophone [at] saxophone.whereforeartthousaxophone> wrote
>in message news:co5ke1h3sr89hapmu0q502p6vputtefs79 [at] 4ax.com...
>
>>
>> Smart money says you never miss an ep of Justice League Ultd., either.
>>
>
>There is no smart money.

You misspelled "God or Easter Bunny."

>-Wraith-

-Genaii-

Vorheriges Thema:	How Hollywood Homosexuals subverted the News media -- Fairness Doctrine
Nächstes Thema:	Who is the 2nd best Actor in Trekdom behind Patrck Stewart?

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